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“You are always so level-headed,” I repeated.
“It is my best and worst trait.” Jesse added it to the notebook. “One thing you perceive I’m doing better than you when it comes to your dynamic with Tiana.”
“I don’t know how to put it into words.” I fidgeted with my hands, trying to think. “She says something or acts out, and then you just handle it. It’s like she feels safer with you.”
Jesse nodded, writing as I watched. “I’ve spent a lot of time learning how to respond to Tiana. You should be patient with yourself. It doesn’t happen overnight.” He glanced up at me. “Give me one thing you perceive you are lacking in your relationship with her.”
“This is…” I forcibly bit down on my lip. I didn’t know why my brat was so eager to get under Jesse’s skin. I sidled onto the stool nearest me. “Please tell me what the point of this is?”
“Answer me.”
“Technically, you didn’t ask a question.”
Jesse drew half a tick mark on the page. “You are factually correct, but I’m doing the best I can under the circumstances. What is one thing that you believe you’re lacking in the dynamic with Tiana?”
“I don’t wrestle brats the way you, Tanner, and Luke do. I’m not cut out for it.”
“You don’t have to be a brat tamer to be Tiana’s Daddy. It’s figuring out why she’s battling and responding.”
“Maybe I’m not cut out to be her Daddy.”
“You’re being too hard on yourself.”
“How do I get to the core issue of why Tiana pushes so hard against a boundary?”
“Those who trust me toss their sassy attitudes when they’re overwhelmed and need a release. Sometimes they desire to be put in their place and they want me to do that.”
“Yeah, I’ve witnessed it. What else?”
“Well, it can be playful and I enjoy the challenge.”
His answer hit hard, and I wasn’t ready to process it all. “Can we go back to the notebook?”
“Sure.” He tapped the page. “Write down the same positive and negative traits about yourself, at least two of each under each one. Answer what you think you do better in your dynamic with Tiana, at least two for now. Last, note what’s getting you caught in a negative mentally and flip it in a different way.”
Jesse wasn’t just smart, he was a genius. By forcing myself to focus on what was bothering me about him, flipping it to myself and dissecting the issue, it would actually sort out the gunk in my head. “Or?”
“I really hate that word.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Or you won’t get to the root cause of why you’re practically begging for some sort of repercussion.”
“I’m not begging for anything, Jesse. I wouldn’t even consider myself a brat, at least not most of the time.”
Jesse handed me the pen. I stared at it for a moment before accepting it. Though it made no sense, especially when there was a perfectly good course of action for me to take, I shut the notebook and set the pen next to it.
“Do I have your attention, Dane?” Jesse almost growled and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.
“Yes, Jesse,” I affirmed, pouring as much respect into my tone as possible.
“Here’s how this is going to go.” He rubbed his chin. “Either give me your consent to respond appropriately to your attitude or stop poking. Trust me when I say you won’t like it.”
I stared at him, knowing I apparently reached the end of his rope. Whatever I’d been skating around needed to come to the surface or I was done for. I trusted him. We’d been friends before I started dating Tanner, but his tolerance of my disparaging remarks about myself and blatant disregard for his help only extended so far.
“Everything you’ve said makes sense. Seeing you interact with Tiana so easily made me jealous, and it’s not a feeling I’m used to. It’s not really about you though, it’s my own insecurities popping up. I’ll do what you’ve asked of me.” I took a few deep breaths and let them out. “It won’t be fun, but it will be eye-opening. I’ll share it with Tanner after I’m done.”
“Mm-hmm.” Jesse shot me a look like he was waiting for me to continue.
“I apologize for pushing your buttons,” I offered sincerely. “I was sort of curious.”
“I accept your apology. Thank you for telling me what the real problem is. If something comes up that makes you uncomfortable in the future, I expect the truth.” Jesse clapped my shoulder. “I choose how and when to respond to a certain type of behavior, but without your consent, I won’t do more than what I’m doing right now.”
