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"We broke up because of his anger. There was an incident, a stupid fight—I’ll admit, we were both drinking—stuff got broken, he knocked me around a little, not terrible, but enough that even his parents were…shocked. They forced him to move out of our apartment, put him up in a hotel. A really nice one downtown, and for months he stayed there."
She tucked her hands away under the table and twisted her fingers together. Her eyes clamped shut for a long breath, but she didn’t try to squeeze away the memories. She had to say this. She had to quit holding the burden.
"So one way or another, you know how it goes, we started talking again. First on the phone, which of course leads to, 'Oh let’s go on a date again.' I’d already been thinking about leaving town at this point, was putting out feelers for jobs, that type of thing. We went on a couple dates, I think just two, maybe, and I wasn’t mad at him anymore and I did still love him, buuuut…"
"You’d already moved on," Ellis finished with exactly the words she’d been searching for.
"Yeah, that’s what it was. I was so excited at the prospect of starting over, and I just wasn’tasexcited at the idea of getting back with Kyle. But we got together for dinner again at this nice steakhouse in the lobby of his hotel. I knew going there that he wanted to talk about moving back in and that it wasn't what I wanted. We drank some wine as we ate and after the first glass, I felt brave enough and I just flat out told him how I was feeling. That I loved him, but I was ready to see what else was out there. Not necessarily with men, but with, you know, life."
Ellis brought his palms to his face. "Oh no, that must have gone over just swell."
A wry chuckle escaped from Katie’s throat. "It actually did. It went over surprisingly well…at first. He said he was sad, but he understood. He blamed himself. We talked about some good times, even cried a little, but he wished me well. He wished me well…"
Her voice trailed off in helpless confusion as the waitress dropped their drinks and scurried away, chased off by the dark energy hovering over their table.
Katie continued. "So we had another glass of wine and talked about this trip we went on to Austin once and how great of a view we had of the city in our hotel room. 'I’ve got a great view here, if you can believe it,'" Katie said, mimicking him in a deep voice before switching back to her own. "Those were his words. His exact words. I remember because I didn’t believe him—what view had I not already seen of our town? He insisted on showing me and we were laughing,it was funny…Anyways we, um, we go up to the hotel room and the view is nice. Nothing I hadn’t seen. And as I was looking at it from the window, I knew. I knew right then what was going to happen."
She ventured a blurry look at Alex and Ellis and could tell that they knew too. Alex shifted closer to rub a hand across her back and she let him because it really did help her go on.
"Of course, when I turned to go, he blocked my way. He’d locked the door and put the chain on. Maybe I could have pressed past him. I don't remember, things are spotty, but I didn’t even fight really. I think I said, 'I want to leave' at one point and something like 'this isn’t a good idea.' But it’s not like he hit me or hurt me or even held me down—well maybe a little, but I didn’t fight.Wedidn’t fight. 'For old times sake,' he kept saying and, eventually, I kind of just let him do his thing."
Hot tears were streaming down her cheeks, but Katie barely noticed. Alex kept rubbing soothing circles on her back. Ellis looked queasy.
"Oh Kat, my heart is broken for you. I don’t even know what to say."
"No, no, no," she blubbered, swiping the back of her hand across her nose and cheeks. "That doesn’t matter. It was kind of stomach turning, sure. I didn’t like it, but is it rape? I don’t know. He was my boyfriend for years. My fiancé. We lived together. We’d done it plenty of times. It wasn’t like a stranger. He’s someone I was attracted to at one point."
"Yes Kat, that is rape."
Katie looked up at Alex who nodded in agreement with Ellis, then she swung her head side to side as she sat up straighter, and swiped her hand across her face again. "No, honestly I don’t care about that. It’s what happened next…"
She stared at the table before she spoke again. Transfixed. Picturing the scene in her brain. Trying to remember every detail, every step that happened, everything that was said. This was where she got tripped up.
"I got up. I got dressed. So did he. He seemed a little sorry, a little worried, I remember that. I felt shaky and woozy. More than I should have for the amount I drank, but my adrenaline was also pumping, you know, and my blood pressure, it’s always kind of kooky when I get stressed. I certainly didn’t find it odd that I felt sick, you know? Then I’m standing there in the hotel room, right there in that little hallway near the door with the bathroom and closet…and I’m staring at the robe, the way it’s swaying…”
Her eyes narrowed, seeing it now, the white terry cloth robe flitting back and forth ever so slightly. If she squinted, if she looked far enough into the deep recesses of her brain…
Her eyes snapped back to normal and she shook her head. "And that’s it," she finished with finality.
"Huh?" "What?" Ellis and Alex spoke in unison.
"That’s all I remember," she explained. "I must have collapsed right there. That’s all I can imagine because literally everything goes black from that moment until I woke up in the hospital. Kyle said I was wild and crazy, that I must have drank too much if I didn’t remember, he even implied to people I might of had some pills that night, or even something stronger, which is complete bullshit. I would never.Never."
Ellis’s mouth opened but he couldn’t seem to form a full sentence. "Oh wow, Kat…wow, did he…I mean, do you think…or what do you think…oh geez."
"Things happened. More than the sex that I remember. I could, um, feel it when I woke up." She shook her head after that, not wanting to go on. “The doctors confirmed that he’d been…rough. They had to do a, um, a, uh, couple stiches."
"Did they do a rape kit?" Alex asked gently.
Katie shook her head around a long sniff. "I don’t think so. Maybe if I’d asked for it, they would have, but I didn’t. Everything was so blurry and Kyle was saying things…things I’d done and asked for that I just wouldn’t have. I was so embarrassed. Ashamed, even though I knew I hadn’t done them. Then his dad was there, praising Kyle for bringing me to the hospital, like he was some sort of hero."
"You should get in touch with the hospital. They might have done the rape kit. I would have," Alex said. "They might have evidence you can use to prosecute."
Katie shook her head. "No, no, his dad is actually on the hospital board, his golf buddy is the district attorney…I don’t have any evidence anyway. It’s his word against mine and in our town, the last name Holt holds a lot more weight than Masterson."
She could see Alex formulating his argument so she rushed on reassuring them. "I’ve been through the therapy on this guys. I have a bad day here and there, but overall I’ve come to terms with it and I just want to put it behind me now. In fact, you guys can charge my insurance because I feel a hundred times better after talking to you than my last therapist."
She turned and gave each of them long hugs so they knew she meant it. Then she wiped her face for a final time and reached out for the fresh margarita.
