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Today5:44 AM
I made a mistake. Haha?
Today7:02 AM
I'm sorry Landon. Can we talk today?
Today9:29 AM
I shouldn't have said any of that.Can we please just talk? I'll sneak away and meet you whenever you have a sec
Today1:01 PM
Please???
...
chapter 38
The bubbles indicating Landon’s response never dinged with a message, but wasn’t that in itself the message? He sent Katie another when she went down to the field to set up for the meet and greet. He was still in his warm-up clothes, butt propped up on the dugout railing, no way he didn’t see her lingering just twenty yards away. But his eyes never connected with hers. He looked right through her as if she never existed. As iftheynever existed.
Katie straightened her Maverick polo and slunk over to join Ellis. He was supposed to be making a short social media clip of center fielder Jimmy Black, but it had morphed into more of a workout video.
Jimmysquintedupatthemfromhisplankpositiononthe grass. "I think we’d be remiss if people didn’t get a chance to see just how much power I really have in my legs. Let’s do some sprints and then squats."
"Yeah, sure man, whatever you think," Ellis said, then shot Katie an I’m-about-to-lose-it grimace.
Katie looked away and cleared her throat to cover up a giggle, a short lived moment of happiness because her gaze found Landon instead and a fresh wave of agony swept in.
She’dspentthemajorityofthepreviousnightthinkingofhim.Notthinking of Kyle. Or Kyle's voice. Or the other voice. And right around twoa.m.,itsunkinhowmuchshe’dgivenupinLandon,the world’sbesttherapistwithouteventryingtobe.Hecouldhave saved her from these new memories—not that she’d ever,evertell him what had happened to her; she’d rather die than have him know that. But even without knowing, he could have saved her from drowning in emotional turmoil. Helped her float through this.
She’d spent over a year dreading her next sexual encounter after that night with Kyle. Even before remembering the full extent of it, she couldn't help but wonder if whoever she was with would notice something—a sign on her body or in her movements—something that would give away that she was now damaged goods.
But with Landon, she'd barely even thought about her past. Not that first night when shegotlockedoutofhercar,notonhisterrace,orhershower,or any of the times in her bed. Kyle didn't exist in those moments because being with Landon was like magic thaterased all her pain. In those moments, she really was saved just for him.
Ellis poked her arm and startled a jump out of her, then he made a gesture to the camera to show her he wasn't recording as Jimmy took off on a sprint.
"How are you doing, sweetie? Alex and I were worried sick about you last night."
Katie cleared her throat and crossed her arms over her chest. "Did, um, did you tell him?"
She couldn’t look at him as she asked. Even that simple question made her feel…dirty. Ashamed.
Ellishadthedecencytobehonest."Idid,Kat,I’msorry.I know it wasn’t my place, but I tell Alex everything. But that’s it, I wouldnever, everutter a word toanyoneelse."
Katie mustered up a small smile and a nod. "I get it El, it’s okay. I love Alex. Anything I’d tell you, I’d tell him. I actually do feel better since last night. Since I finally just said it all out loud."
"Are you sure? Because Alex has a friend, another resident like him, but he’s a psychiatrist."
"El,nothere.Andplease,just…notyet."
Ellis bobbed his chin. "I get it, sweetie. We’re here when you need us, okay?"
Katie scrubbed her hands up and down the bare skin on her arms, chilled from the inside out despite the heavy summer heat only now dying out with the sun. ShesnuckanotherlookatLandon.Hewasstillperchedonthe dugout railing, his attention focused on the ground ten feet in front of him as he rolled a baseball around in his palms. Katie willed him to look up, to give her just a half-ounce of that sweet relief...
He never did. Not before Lori’s sleek black bob came swaying out of the tunnel and right over to Ellis’ tablet which she picked up and started swiping through.
"He’s a little over the top, but he’ll work. Let’s put together a clip reel for Jimmy using some of this. Let’s also see what we have for Williams and Tyson. They’ll be the top three contenders to replace Landon inLast First Kiss."
