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26
I should feel better when he says those words across the table, but I don’t.There’s something in his gaze, something that wasn’t there until I asked him to make me that promise—resignation.
And Ihateit.
I feel the need to expand on what I mean so he doesn’t think I’m starting whatever this is with one foot out the door, because I’m not.But as I open my mouth to speak, the waiter arrives with our dinner, and Tristan breaks our gaze.I feel the loss instantly.
He starts cutting into his steak, his eyes focused intently on his plate, and I rack my brain for ways to get us back to where we were before I opened my stupid mouth.But I keep circling back to the look in his eyes, and my heart starts to ache to the point I can barely take a bite.
“Is everything okay with your fish?”he asks.
“I didn’t mean that how it came out,” I say urgently, placing my fork down and making eye contact with him.
He frowns like he’s confused.Of course he’s confused because I’m not making any sense.“I can’t lose you, Tristan.You mean…” My throat clogs with emotion, and I take another drink of my water to swallow it down.“You mean too much to me.I’m not going into this—whatever this is—thinking it’s going to end.I just need to know that no matter what happens, I won’t lose you.Because I can’t.I can’t live through losing someone else.”My voice cracks and I know no amount of water will keep down the emotions fighting to get out.
He stares at me for a minute, then places his knife and fork down and takes my hand in his.“You won’t lose me.I promise.”
He glides his thumb over my skin, and the gentle touch causes a ricochet of goose bumps to pepper my skin and a sharp ache between my legs.
“Tristan,” I whisper, wishing with every ounce of my being that he knew everything I’m feeling right now, the things he brings out in me that scare the shit out of me.
There’s an added layer to my emotions—an underlying sense of unfaithfulness, like I’m cheating on Robbie by letting Tristan touch me this way and make me feel this way.I know I’m not, but it’s so foreign to feel another man touch me like this.
Tristan’s fierce, yet tender gaze pierces through my fear.“It’s hard for me too, Jo.”My gaze locks on his, and I can see in his eyes he understands.He understands completely.
Of course he does.
Hasn’t he always?
How did I never notice?
“Let’s enjoy our dinner.No more heavy stuff tonight, okay?”he says, his thumb still gliding smoothly against my hand.I nod, and he releases me.
“Actually, I’ve got an idea of what we can talk about.Why don’t we play 20 Questions?We can ask each other anything and learn something new about each other.”
His eyes light up.“I already know the most obvious things.”
I quirk a brow.“Do you now?”
He nods.“Favorite color is cerulean blue, favorite food is pizza, favorite band is mine.”
I throw my head back and laugh, and his face breaks out into a big smile.“You were on a roll until that last one.My favorite band is actually No Doubt.”
“You’re fucking with me.”
I giggle, thrilled there’s still something basic he doesn’t know.“Not in the slightest.Gwen Stefani is a total badass.”
“I really didn’t see that one coming.”
“See, so 20 Questions isn’t a bad idea after all.”
He runs his thumb over his bottom lip, his eyes glued to my face while mine drop to watch the motion of his thumb.“I guess it isn’t,” he says.
So we play, and I learn that he also plays piano, played football in junior high, listens to pretty much any music he can get his hands on, including classical, learned to surf to compete with Trent after Trent learned on his honeymoon, and watches cooking competition shows religiously, and then attempts to make the recipes which is why he’s such an amazing cook.
When we finish playing, we turn to other light topics—the tour, the album, the new exhibit coming to Los Angeles County Museum of Art.We eat dessert, and I’m fascinated when I discover Tristan loves chocolate.
“How did I never know this about you?”I talk around a bite of coconut cream pie and say the thought that’s popped into my head several times as I’ve learned new things about him tonight.
