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“They were right!It was too soon to be dating.Robbie only died a year ago—”
“Nearly a year a half, Jolie,” she interrupts.
“What?”
“He died nearly a year and a half ago, and like we’ve told you before, there’s no set timeline on grief and when someone can move on.You fall in love when you fall in love.For some people, it never happens again, and for a lucky few, it happens sooner rather than later.You are one of those lucky few, Jolie.Everyone can see how much you love Tristan.How happy he’s made you after the shit year you had after Robbie died.Why would you let someone else’s judgment sway what’s in your heart?I thought I raised you better than that.”
If I could rip my heart out of my body, I would.Shame courses through me sharper than before.But this time it’s not other people’s opinion of me that makes me ashamed.It’s my own.
“Jo,” Mom starts, her voice more composed than it was only moments ago.“If you really weren’t happy with him, that’s one thing, but that clearly isn’t the case.You admitted you love him, so what was this really?Why did you sabotage it?”
Guilty tears pour down my cheeks—guilt over breaking up with Tristan, guilt over moving on too quickly, but that’s not even the worst of it.“I’m afraid I love him more than Robbie,” I whisper, finally voicing the fear that has been niggling at the back of my mind.
Everything I feel for Tristan is so powerful and overwhelming.It never felt like that with Robbie, and I can’t bear thinking about what that means for the marriage I cherished.But I’m also terrified of losing Tristan—ironic since I’ve lost him anyway by my own choosing, but it felt easier to lose him now than to lose him later when I was so deeply in love with him that I wouldn’t survive the loss.
“Jolie, honey.Don’t ever doubt your love for Robbie.No one else is, and if someone ever does, tell them to go fuck themselves.”I choke out a short laugh; my mom rarely swears.“You loved Robbie and he loved you as much as either of you knew how.Love doesn’t have to look the exact same for everyone.You can love Tristan fully and it look different.That doesn’t diminish the love you had for Robbie.It’s okay to love them both.”
And that’s when I start to ugly cry.She stays on the phone with me as she drives over to my house, and the second I open my door, she wraps me in a warm hug and I fall apart all over again.But when I finally pull myself together, things look clearer.A lot clearer.
The next day, I drive over to Becka’s house for our regularly scheduled girls’ night, nerves fluttering in my belly.I haven’t spoken to her or Tamsin much since I broke things off with Tristan, but I have no doubt she knows what happened.
When she opens the door, she pulls me in for a hug.Her smile is dimmer than usual and doesn’t meet her eyes.
She rubs my arm.“How are you doing?”
After my long talk with my mom and the plan that’s slowly developing in my head, I decide to be honest.“I’m miserable.”
She pinches her lips together, her eyes giving away the sadness she feels about the situation.“You’re not the only one,” she says as she gestures me into the house.
Her words make my heart ache, and I can’t stop myself from asking, “Have you seen him?”
“Only for band practice.”She nibbles her lip like she’s not sure she should say more, and I grip her arm tightly, my eyes likely conveying all the worry I feel.
“Becka, please.What do you know?”
“Honestly, not much.Just that he’s not been himself at all.Trent’s worried about him—they all are.They’re over at his place tonight checking in on him.”
Well, at least he’s not alone.But I hate hearing that he’s not doing well.I don’t know what I expected, but it hurts knowing I did this to him, to us.
Tamsin arrives before I can pepper Becka with any more questions, and she gives me a big hug but doesn’t comment on the situation.I’m both relieved they aren’t going to make me discuss my mistake, but also desperate to talk about him, to tell someone my plan and see if it’s crazy.
Halfway through our movie, Trent comes home, his shoulders sagging and his hair disheveled like he’s been running his fingers through it.He looks exhausted and sadder than I’ve seen him in a long time.Becka goes to him instantly, and they move around the corner out of sight.I excuse myself to use the bathroom, but Tamsin smiles at me and I know I’m not fooling her.
I follow the sound of their voices and stop outside of their guest room which they must’ve ducked into because it’s the closest room.
“I’ve never seen him like this, Becks.He’s been in love with her for as long as I can remember, and even when she wasn’t his, he was never this…broken.I don’t know what to do.”She murmurs soothing words to her husband, while I drop my head to the wall behind me, my legs shaky and my heart pounding so hard, I can hear it in my ears.A tear escapes down my cheek, and I know I’m running out of time.I need to fix this.I can’t stand hearing that Tristan’s broken when all I want in the world is to make him whole.
