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For the first time in my life, I am feeling vengeful and I am ready to do everything I can to take the pound of flesh I’m owed.
“Please you guys, I love all three of you so much, but please, I am begging you, can we talk about something else now? We have this amazing house to ourselves. We have an incredible view, a pool, a sauna, a fucking movie theater, and two full bars. Why and the fuck are we crying over the heavy when we could be getting fucked up and talking about the men in our lives?”
“If we’re avoiding the heavy, I’d prefer to skip out on that topic as well,” Hunter murmurs as he peels my death grip off of him. I turn a questioning look up at my best friend, realizing we haven’t discussed Dillon since all of this shit went down. His face contorts in a look of embarrassment.Fuck.
“Where is Dillon, Hunt?” I whisper, trying to keep this conversation semi-private. The girls get the message and grumble something that sounds like, “we’re raiding your room for swimsuits.”
He sighs and rolls his eyes as he walks over to the edge of the pool and kicks his shoes off before unceremoniously dropping his pants, making me chuckle. He’s never had any qualms about getting naked. Hunter sits down on the edge of the pool in his t-shirt and boxers and puts his feet in. I join him, happy to be wearing shorts so that no one expects me to be so bold with my nudity.
“Dillon left the night we went toAlixerand he hasn’t been back since,” he murmurs as he stares out at the Golden Gate bridge that towers over the glistening bay.
My mouth drops open as I gape at my best friend.
“What the fuck, Hunter?” I snap. “How and the hell hasn’t that come up in over two weeks? I’ve asked you again and again how you are!”
“I know, Elle,” he sighs, running a frustrated hand through his hair. “You’ve just had so much going on and it’s not that big of a deal.” He shrugs and looks away. “Look, things with Dillon haven’t been good for a long time. We’ve been fighting for months. We’re in a bad place more than we’re in a good one and it’s just not worth it anymore.”
“What do you mean it’s not worth it? Don’t you love him?”
I lean back, observing Hunter. He doesn’t look angry or sad, just resigned to his fate, like he’s given up. And surprisingly, helookslike he’s okay with it. But if anyone knows how deceiving looks can be it’s me.
“I don’t know if I ever loved him, Elle,” he whispers, as though admitting such a thing out into the world is a sin that he’s trying to hide.
“You’ve been with Dillon since you were a teenager. Every couple has growing pains, or so I hear,” I huff out a sarcastic laugh because clearly, no one should be taking my advice on relationships. “Are you sure that’s not just what this is?”
“I’ve been with him since I was 17 years old. I was broken when I met him. Fuck, I’m probably still broken.”
“Don’t say that, Hunter. You’re not broken,” I protest.
“Aren’t I though? My dad took off before I was even born. He only stayed around long enough to get my mom hooked on drugs, while she was pregnant. My entire childhood, she cared more about getting high than she did about me. And when she finally snorted herself into an early grave, I wound up with the only fucking family I had left,” he shakes his head and laughs bitterly. “And we both know how that turned out. My piece of shit aunt and her demented husband took me in and eventheydidn’t want me. And they were the scum of the fucking earth. Then you came along.”
“Then I came along,” I agree with a nod. “Me, an abandoned orphan with no one and nowhere to go. I met a man who promised to take care of me. Who said he had a wonderful family that wanted me. Who said that I wouldn’t have to be alone anymore and that he would be my,” I choke up, unable to say the last word.
“Who said he would be your dad and that we’d be a family. But he was a sick fucking abusive pedophile that had everyone convinced he was a good man. Everyone, including his wife and the hospital staff. He chose us, Ella. He chose us because we were alone in the world and we had no one else—”
“But then we had each other, Hunter,” I interrupt again as I grab his hand and squeeze. “We had each other and we still do. We aren’t alone anymore.”
He squeezes back and nods, giving me a small sad smile. “But then you left me, and before you say it, I know it wasn’t your choice and there is not a day that has passed since then where I haven’t been beyond grateful that you were pulled out of that sick house. But you left, Ella. And then Cora killed herself and finally, someone came in and shut them down. It was too late for us, but better late than never I guess,” he shrugs and releases my hand before standing up.
I watch as he walks over to the glass half wall that lines the edge of the roof and leans on it. I get up and follow, sliding in and resting my head on his shoulder. We stand in silence for a few minutes as we relive the worst days of our lives.
“I was 16 when I went into foster care. I was angry, depressed, and once again, alone. No one cared if I came or went, if I ate or spoke. Honestly, I think the only reason they even cared that I was still breathing was so they could collect their checks. But then I met Dillon. I didn’t know I was bi at the time and I don’t think I ever even acknowledged the fact that I may have been until much later. I just knew that he was there when no one else was and he cared about me. He worried when I would have a depressive episode. He intervened when I tried to kill myself. He helped me. He saved me. And for that, I loved him. We were two fucked up kids with abandonment issues and it just fucking happened.”
“And you’ve been together ever since,” I finish as understanding dawns on me. “You’re adults now who have grown and changed, who are now in a safe place and you don’t have to lean on each other to survive anymore. I get it, Hunt.” He nods and rests his head on top of mine.
“I never told him, you know,” he whispers brokenly. I pull away to look up at him, seeing his eyes squeezed tightly shut and tears streaming down his face.
Confusion fills me at his statement. “You never told him what?”Oh.Oh, fuck. “You nevertoldhim.”
He shakes his head.
“But how? After all this time I figured you would have told him—,” I murmur but he cuts in.
“Told him that our foster father raped and abused both of us for years and that he made me do the same thing to you? No, Ella, that never fucking came up,” he shakes his head and huffs out a self-deprecating laugh. “Well, it hadn’t come up.”
“Wait, so you did tell him?” I whisper, brows furrowed. I can’t keep up right now, this is all so fucking much.
“I hadn’t, for a long fucking time. I couldn’t. I was alone until Dillon and even if I’m not sure I was ever in love with him, I did love him. He was my friend, my best friend for a long time. How could I admit to being a fucking monster and expect him to look at me the same? I couldn’t risk losing him like that,” he shakes his head. “But then, you came back into my life and all the memories got twisted and it all just felt so fucking real again. My flashbacks and panic attacks came back and the thoughts of,” he breaks off and takes a deep breath. “I couldn’t keep it from him anymore.”
