AllFreeNovel
Share Us
She looks up at him and nods before snuggling deeper into Maddox. Her lip is back in her mouth, and fuck removing it the way Stone did. I want to tug it out with my own fucking teeth and suck on it. The thought makes my cock pulse and once again, I’m fucking irritated.
“I’m out,” I grunt, standing up and shifting before anyone sees my tented jeans. “I’m hitting the gym.”
Without waiting for anyone to respond, I storm out of Stone’s office, leaving the door to slam in my wake.
I need to exercise these fucking thoughts out of my head before I get any crazy ideas. Like joining my three best friends in a poly-relationship with the girl of my goddamned dreams.
Stupid, stupid, fucking idea.
Ella
“Wheredoyouwantto go, baby?" Gage murmurs, wrapping his hand tightly around mine and settling them on his lap.
We’re in the Ranger Rover for the second time today, though I have to admit, I don’t remember the last ride. Pretty sure I was completely checked out by that point. The only memory I have is the feeling of being wrapped up by Nyx, his presence keeping me safe and warming my freezing, anxious body.
And then, he did what Nyxon does and pushed me away.Again.
“I kind of just want to stay in the car with you.” I sigh, enjoying the rare moment he and I have alone together.
Sweater Weather-The Neighbourhood
Gage glances over at me, an odd look on his face. He darts his eyes back to the road and squeezes my hand. We sit in silence for a few moments, but the contemplative look on his face and his lack of response makes my stomach tighten with nerves. “What?”
He pulls his eyes away from the slow bumper-to-bumper afternoon Bay Area traffic and the open, vulnerability clouding his eyes causes me to suck in a deep breath. None of the men in the group are soft or submissive. Each of them is dominant and powerful in their own way and so rarely do any of them let their walls down with me. But Gageneverdoes.
At home, and with me, he’s able to step away from his role as second in command to a notorious, ruthless gang. He’s able to be soft and sweet. But he’s yet to really let me in the way Maddox and even Stone to an extent has. Maybe that’s changing.
“Are you happy?” he asks, before licking his thick lips and continuing. “With us, I mean.”
I’m surprised by the question but I feel like what he’s asking isn’t what he really means. By us, I think he meanshim.
“Very,” I answer automatically and without thought. Because it’s not something I need to think about. The look on his face tells me that he doesn’t believe me.
I want to reassure him. I want to tell him, prove to him that I’ve never been happier in my entire life than I have been with them. Everything that’s happened to me recently looks bad to an outsider, I’m sure, but in actuality, it pales in comparison to what I’ve been through before this. For the first time in a very long time, I feel whole and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I am finally healing. The scars I carry, mentally and physically, have plagued me for so fucking long, but with these men, I finally see past them. I finally have something to look forward to.
But none of those words can leave my mouth without telling him my dark, dirty secrets.
So, I reassure him the best I can without reopening old wounds. “I’m happier than I’ve been in a very long time. I know what happened this morning makes it look like that’s not the case, but I promise it is. You guys have done so much for me and I don’t just mean keeping me safe and letting me stay with you. It’s more than that.”
“You sure?” he asks, his brows furrowed like he doesn’t believe that what I’m saying could possibly be true. “I know we don’t get much time together and this has all been a lot to take in. It’s a lot to ask of you.” My face squishes up in confusion making him chuckle, despite the tension rising in our slow-moving SUV. “To be with us, accept us for what and who we are. To not ask questions about the fucked up shit we have to do. It’s a lot to ask is all I’m saying and we would understand if you didn’t want to be a part of it.”
I consider his words, my line of sight drifting to the window. The Bay is just beyond a line of dilapidated buildings surrounded by cypress trees. San Francisco is such a crazy mod-podge. New multi-million dollar homes right next to barely standing structures all surrounded by beautiful, massive trees. This city feels huge but in actuality, it’s only 7 by 7 miles. It’s just been stuffed to the brim. Homes, businesses, skyscrapers, art, museums, and more. We even have a big ass zoo crammed into this tiny city.
I can’t say that I love it here. It’s just all I’ve ever known. Well, except for my time in Marin, but really, that’s just on the outskirts of this city, and I barely got to leave the house when I lived there.
School, home, torture, repeat.
Bile crawls up my throat at the thought. The visions and memories of everything in my past are just sitting too close to the surface right now. My panic attack has left my usual defenses thin and tattered. It will take a while before I can get them back where they belong, keeping my emotions and my mind safe.
I find I have the sudden urge to see and talk to my best friend.
Pulling out my cell phone, I send a quick text asking where is he today and if he’s up for getting together. I slide my phone between my legs and look back to Gage, realizing I haven’t responded to him yet.
“I could say the same for you guys. Taking on me and problems is a lot to deal with also, especially with everything else you all have going on.” I shrug, bringing my hand up and biting on my nail. My stomach clenches once more. I feel like this needs to be said but I’d be lying if I said I’m not nervous. I don’t really want to draw attention to the shit show that is me but it’s the right thing to do. Giving them an out is humane. “Look, Gage.” I sigh, putting together what I want to say. “I know you were just doing what’s right when you found me and brought me back to your house so I could see a doctor and I will never be able to repay you guys for that, but,” I break off, my throat squeezing against the words, fighting to keep them down.
Gage glances between me and the traffic that’s now finally picking up. His face is blank, giving nothing away, but his grip on my hand tightens almost to the point of pain, telling me all I need to know. He’s either confused by the turn of conversation or he’s anticipating what I’m going to say. Whether or not he’s happy about it, I’m not sure. “But?” he prods.
“But, I know you probably never intended for me to really stay with you guys. I know you offered, but I can’t help but think that maybe you were just doing that to be nice. I know we’re in this new relationship thing and it’s exciting and fun even if it does have a learning curve, but surely you didn’t mean to just, I don’t know, have me around you guys like permanently.”
