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“Why aren’t you excited? It’s brilliant!”
Hunter runs a hand through his still-soaked hair and squeezes his eyes closed. I let him process and make a decision, knowing damn well that if he doesn’t agree, I will not be giving up.
“What happens when you go back home? Are we just going to be like roommates or what?” he rumbles.
Go back home? I hadn’t thought of that. Obviously, I will be going back there eventually. Right?
Of course.
But why does that thought send a pain straight through my chest?
“Yes, duh,” I respond, swallowing the messy ball of emotions clouding my thoughts. “It will be great. But until then, it’s all yours. Come on Hunter, please. I hate thinking about you living like this or stressing over having a roof over your head. Just let yourself have this. A safe, comfortable, cozy, paid-off, fully furnished home. There are even enough cups that you could have a friend or two over and all drink at the same time.”
His eyes snap open and he shoves me playfully before finally releasing a beautiful smile and nodding. “You’re such a fucking smartass sometimes,” he murmurs, pulling me into his arms.
“All I heard was smart,” I mumble back, my face pressed into his damp chest. Hunter squeezes me but his chest rumbles with laughter.
He sighs heavily and his tone sobers when he speaks. “What would I do without you, baby?”
“You’ll never have to find out,” I whisper. Pulling back slightly so I can look up at him, I softly add, “You fall, I fall,”
Hunter smiles, “And we’ll catch each other.”
Ella
Laterthatnight,I’msettling into one of the plush reclining chairs in the movie room. Gage is on my right side, somewhat ignoring me while doing something on his phone. I’m not sure what to say to him since he looks busy so I just gather my blanket a little tighter, curling up while we wait for Maddox to return from his quest for alcohol and snacks.
Today has been an intense whirlwind, to say the least. After the shit show this morning atThe Grind, followed by a long, emotional afternoon with Hunter, I am ready for a relaxing evening with my guys.
Hunter and I discussed in length everything that went down between him and Dillon. The only topic we didn’t touch on, was the awkward way our conversation ended the night he was over here with the girls. I wanted to bring it up. It’s been on my mind since that night, swirling around in my head as I go through our conversation and pick it apart for details. I don’t understand what he meant when he asked if it was obvious. Is what obvious? It’s been driving me crazy but today, with all the other heavy conversation topics, it didn’t seem the time to bring it up.
We talked about my panic attack and I awkwardly filled Hunter in on the Shibari Stone has been teaching me and how it helps with my anxiety. I left out the parts about the Playroom and the sexual aspects of it all. Sex isn’t a taboo topic for Hunt and me to discuss, but for some reason, the details of my and Stones’ relationship, or whatever it is, feel private. In fact, my relationship and the dynamics between me and each of these guys feel like some sort of secret that I want to keep locked away in a vault.
Maybe it’s because I don’t even know what’s going on between each of us nor how to define it or even put it into words enough to share it with anyone, especially Hunter. Or maybe it’s because I’m afraid of the judgment in his eyes when I tell him I have feelings for not one guy, but four.
Yeah. It’s better that I keep it to myself for now, at least.
Other than the awkwardness I felt from keeping things from my best friend, the rest of our visit was great. By the time I left, Hunter was in better spirits. We made plans to start packing up his house later this week after I clean out some of my stuff from my condo. It’s safe to say that Alyssa is officially evicted and her stuff will need to go. I have no idea what to do with any of it but she will not be coming back into my house, that’s for damn sure.
Lately, no matter how deep I try to shove thoughts of both her betrayal and what went down with Drew, I’m struggling to not think about it all. I guess it’s understandable that the whole thing would bother me. I’m just so used to keeping my emotions deep down and reserved for when I’m in private. I try to keep myself from wallowing or obsessing over shit that hurts me because I know that if I let that hurt out, if I really examine it, there will be no ending to how deep those feelings go.
What’s funny is that I have actually cried more in the last month and a half since these men entered my world, than I have in the last ten years. I learned a long time ago that crying gets you nowhere. Showing your vulnerability only makes others around you stronger. It’s best to keep all of that shit hidden way deep down where no one can find it. If they can’t find your weaknesses, they can’t hurt you.
But, recently I’m learning that letting people in isn’t as terrible as I thought it would be. I may always be waiting for the other shoe to drop with these guys but I’m trying really hard to enjoy the time I have with them while things are still good. I’m trying to accept the healing that they are offering me here and I don’t just mean physically.
“No phones tonight, asshole!” Maddox admonishes as he walks into the theater room. Looking up I find him glaring daggers at his brother who does nothing but peaks a brow in response. “You have a beautiful girl sitting next to you and your face is in your phone. Not cool, dickhead.” Just as quickly as it arrived, Maddox’s anger disappears when he turns a dimply smile in my direction that I can’t help but grin back at.
Gage turns a sheepish look at me that is so utterly unlike his usually powerful and commanding expressions that I immediately soften. It’s not like I wasmadat him over it. “Sorry, Cariño.”
I shrug and smile softly. I don’t want tonight to be weird, I just want to hang out with them. “It’s fine, I was distracted by my own thoughts anyway.”
Gage grits his teeth, never breaking eye contact with me. He makes a show of putting his phone on silent and tossing it onto the floor at our feet before grasping my chin between his fingers and using his hold to tug me forward, crashing his lips to mine. The kiss is almost angry at first, though I don’t think it’s directed at me. He quickly softens his punishing pressure and pace, slowing the kiss and allowing us both to sink into it.
I sigh into his mouth. I will never get tired of their kisses. Ever.
Far too soon, he’s pulling our lips apart but he doesn’t go far. Pressing his forehead to mine he sighs and murmurs, “I am sorry, baby. Things have just been shit lately with the Diablos.” He stops to huff out an irritated laugh. “Fuck that. Shit is always fucking crazy with the Diablos but I’m all yours for the rest of the night.Prometo.”Pulling back, he places a sweet kiss on the tip of my nose and releases me to settle back into his chair.
“Well that was adorable,” Maddox drawls from behind me, bringing me out of the lust-induced haze his brother just created. Dropping down in the chair next to me, he hands a clear glass of brown liquid to Gage, a bottle of water to me, and settles a bottle of beer between his long legs. “Didn’t know what kind of candy you liked baby girl, so I brought a selection.”
