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Dragging my mind away from what awaits me when I get home, I focus back on the present and the object of desire. No, more than desire. Obsession. As I glance over at Violet curled up on her couch, still in her workout clothes with a cup of coffee grasped between her tiny hands, I smile.
So worth it.
When we entered her loft a while ago, I was immediately assaulted with memories from that night. Judging by the way Violet tensed and avoided making eye contact with me, it’s safe to assume she was probably suffering from the same mental images that I had been.
The way Renz carried her to her room, made her strip down to nothing so the three of us could spend the night ravaging her body. We played with her, taunted her, and demanded things of her that she’d never experienced before. Fuck, some of those thingsI’dnever experienced before that night. We took her to the brink again and again. Gave her unrelenting pleasure and ecstasy that brought her to tears. We fucked her until she passed out, sated and happy.
And then, we walked out without saying a word to her.
Though she tried to hide it today, I saw the hurt and anger at our actions, but I also saw the fire inside of her. She’s mad, rightfully so. I can only imagine how it felt to wake up alone, especially after everything we’d done the night before. It took an insane amount of vulnerability to give herself up to us in the ways she did, and I absolutely regret walking out on her. It was not something we could predict, nor had we planned on doing so, but it’s too late to take it back.
Earlier, when she called out my name, I damn near passed out. Question after question flew through my brain at a rapid pace while I stood by in silent shock, staring at her and trying to piece it together.
How did she know my name? Did she look for me the way I looked for her? Did she miss me? What lengths did she go to in order to find that small bit of information?
Then my thoughts took a more cryptic path.
What else does she know? Does she knowwhatI really am, and I don’t mean the fact that I’m third in command of the Cosa Nostra? Does she know who Zac is?Renz?
But then, she smirked like the cocky little brat she is, and I knew.
She heard us that morning, there is no other explanation. The only question that mattered after that was, what else had she heard? Panic filled me at the realization, but I pushed it away and focused on the real reason I’d sought her out.
After Zac’s admittance last night, I barely slept. That, combined with thoughts of my manic episode, the detachment I had felt as I slaughtered so many people. Not that I regret killing them, they deserved it, and I would do it again and again if need be. No. I regret that I took something away from my family that we needed so desperately.
The crash that occurred after we’d gotten home was dimmed by Zac’s care and the medication I have no choice but to take, but it didn’t stop the onslaught of self-deprecating thoughts that weighed heavily on me. It never does. But shockingly, no matter what memory or how much vitriol my brain tried to hurl my way, it was overshadowed by thoughts ofher.I couldn’t stop it even if I had wanted to.
Violet is the small taste of sunshine in my bleak, war-torn world and I find myself wanting to grab onto that tiny piece of happiness and light with everything I have. She may not know it yet but other than my two best friends, no one has ever penetrated the ugliness that surrounds me,until her.
I will be fucked if I’ll be giving that up anytime soon, no matter the consequences.
“We need to talk,” Violet sighs, dragging me from my thoughts. It’s then that I realize I’d been staring into nothingness for who knows how long, instead of focusing on what matters most right now. Turning to face her again, I find her already observing me. “Are you okay?”
I’m shocked by her question, but I don’t know why. That’s just who Violet is. She may be a sassy little sex kitten in the bedroom and a smartass who takes no one’s shit outside of it, but she’s also undeniably caring and sweet.Sunshine. I smile, though I know it doesn’t reach my eyes.
Taking a long pull from the bottle of beer I’ve been nursing since dinner; I grimace when I find it warm. Apparently, I’ve been distracted for longer than I had thought. We’d ordered pizza right after we’d arrived and ate it in mostly tense silence. I wanted to talk to her, get to know her, but at some point since the orgasms I’d given her earlier and now, she’d withdrawn into herself.
She wants to know things. Everything, likely, but I don’t know that I can give her that, no matter how much I may want to. This is one of those times when I would really benefit from having Zac with me, or fuck, even Renz. Both of them are more equipped for a situation like this. Zac would be running damage control like he’s some sort of military operative. Renz would be analyzing everything, thinking ten steps ahead, and considering every outcome.
“I’m fine,” I finally say, my voice low and even as I try to find a way to give her what she needs while also keeping our biggest secrets from her. “Sorry. I just got stuck in my head.” Shrugging, I rub the back of my neck, trying to eliminate some of the tension that’s slowly yet surely building.
Violet makes a loud sound of annoyance that has my head snapping in her direction. It’s somewhere between a puppy’s growl and a huff of indignation. I fight back a smirk at her adorable little hissy fit. “Eli!”
“Violet?” I drawl, my lips twitching as my brows lift. She growls again and this time, I do smile. She slams her coffee cup down on the thrifted wooden coffee table next to our discarded pizza box before jumping to her feet and staring me down.
“Are we seriously going to ignore the elephant in the room?” she demands with a glower that’s so severe that I’m honestly surprised she doesn’t stomp her foot.
Another pang in my chest. I know what she’s referring to, but I ignore it, attempting to divert her attention. “If you mean the fact that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about all the ways I worshipped your body in this house, then no, we absolutely are not going to ignore it,” I smirk, tossing a wink in her direction that has her gulping and squeezing her thighs together.
I give myself a mental pat on the back and move to stand, completely ready to remind her of said worshipping. She steps away, then another step, and another, until she’s practically on the other side of the living room. “Nu-uh,” she snaps, shaking her head. “Stay where you are andspill. You’ve obviously noticed my frequent use of your name today. Yourrealname.”
She says it as a statement, not a question, but the fire in her eyes demands that I acknowledge her anyways, so I do. Nodding, I clench my jaw, grinding my teeth in an effort to give nothing away.
“And?” she snaps. When I don’t respond this time, she tosses her hands up in the air and begins to pace wildly. “If I know your name, all of your names, then I obviously heard your little conversation that morning. You weren’t all that quiet, by the way,” she says icily, leveling me a glare that would make a weaker man run away with his dick tucked between his cheeks. Luckily, I’m not a weaker man and her anger does nothing but turn me on more.
Leaning forward, I brace my elbows on my knees and watch her. She’s so fucking sexy. Everything about her. She has this attitude that screams,I don’t give a fuck, but the kindness in her eyes, her easy smiles, and sweet, husky voice, suggest the opposite. Violet cares, probably too much. She’s a damn fine woman and I don’t deserve her. I don’t have to know anything more about her than I already do to be sure of that fact.
That doesn’t mean I’m leaving, nor will I stop pursuing her. I never said I wasn’t a selfish bastard.
