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Looking at Eli now, it’s hard to believe that he could be connected to anything as nefarious as the Mafia. He radiates happiness and easy smiles. He’s playful and kind. Considerate even. Like earlier tonight in the parking lot. Yes, he made me cum in public. He brought me so much pleasure, I nearly passed out. Yet afterward, despite his obvious need, he reigned himself in and putmefirst, with the idea of wanting to take this next step with honesty between us.
Now, here he is, offering me that on a silver platter. The question is, do I really want it? Can I actually handle it? If he confirms my suspicions, what will I do with that information? I’m a politician’s daughter for fucks sake. I was raised in a religious, conservative household with a father who shoved Bible verses and laws down our throats from the time we could walk.
But, he is also the father who used those verses to defend his abuse. He used his political backing and position of power to taunt his exemption from repercussions. He is the same Governor who does back ally deals with low-life criminals, evades arrests for tax fraud, and a whole long list of other offenses. He preaches cleanliness while bathing in filth.
He is not any example that I’d ever wish to follow. He’s crooked and disgusting, and he is everything I hate in this world.
At least Eli wants to be honest and isn’t hiding who he is.
But he did. They did.
Yet, even before I knew them, when they were nothing more than a daydream as they stood across from me at the gym, day after day, I wanted them. Before I’d ever heard their voices, I knew they exuded power. When I finally did speak to them and share space with them; that power crippled me in the best and most unbelievable ways.
Maybe I knew, somehow, what they were,whothey were, before this even began. I knew and still wanted them. The realization makes me freeze.
I like their power, their dominance. The barely contained violence that simmers beneath Isaac’s eyes. The way his darkness seems to demand submission. I like the way Renz can have me reduced to a pile of want and need with just one barked command. I like the almost unstable way that Eli moves through the world. It’s adrenaline and excitement. It’s a feeling of not knowing what’s going to come next but knowing that it’ll be exhilarating.
Like tonight, on the hood of my car. Eli has the ability to make me forget all rational thoughts and justact. They all do. They have the ability to make me give into my baser needs and wants.
My cravings.
“Tell me,” I say steadily, my eyes locked onto his. Eli’s beautiful blue eyes widen beneath his glasses and his hold on my hips tightens, almost to the point of pain. Another thing I love about them. The bite of pain that comes with each of them at every turn. It wakes me up and invigorates me.
They make me feel alive. So few things do that in my life. Have they ever? I withered away in my childhood home. We all did. My mother was toxic, my father was an asshole who demanded perfection. My marriage was just as bad. Though he never laid a hand on me, Elliot ignored me, and practically forgot I existed altogether. There was no passion, no fire. He couldn’t bring me to my knees or reduce me to nothing but need. He barely even spoke to me, especially toward the end.
These men though? They do all of that and more with just one look. They bring me out of the monotony of my life. They make me feel things I never knew existed before them. I want them. Have wanted them from the very beginning. I’m not a weak-ass bitch. I go for what I want, and I don’t stop until I have it.
Never have, never will.
Resolve stiffens my spine. “I will not run. I will not scream. I will not go to the cops,” I tell him honestly, already preparing to hear the absolute worst.What if they are killers?I shiver. The thought should disgust me, shock me, and send me into a blind panic.
Should being the operative word. Instead, I find myself turned on by their darkness. What is wrong with me?
“What?” Eli sputters. “Are you serious?” His beautiful, freckled face flies from one emotion to the next in rapid succession. Confused, nervous, excited,hopeful.It’s the last one that has me giving him what I hope is a reassuring smile. It doesn’t take a genius to see that Eli is unaware of his worth, only someone with eyes. Or maybe, someone who wants to see beyond the mask he wears for the world.
I saw it. I see him.
“I’m not running, Eli. If you really want to see if there is something here between us, beyond the great sex,” I say, my cheeks flushing for some unknown reason. This man has seen me tied up, crying, and covered in cum for fucks sake. He smirks as if he knows exactly where my thoughts have gone. Prick. “If you want to explore things, then yeah, I think we need to start over.”
“Start over?” he says slowly, his brows furrowed as though he’s testing the words on his tongue. I roll my eyes but nod. I’m still straddling his lap with my arms looped loosely around his neck and though this conversation is probably better suited with some distance between us, I can’t bring myself to move.
I watch as Eli thinks over my words, probably debating my honesty or maybe deciding where to start. We sit for long minutes, nothing but silence between us. His thumbs rub idle circles from their perch on my hips. I give him his space to process, metaphorical, not physical. When I did try to reluctantly remove myself from his lap, thinking it would be easier for him to speak, he gripped me and dragged me even closer than I thought possible.
Finally, the contemplative expression on his face morphs into a stunning smile. It turns me on and confuses me in equal measure, until he murmurs, “You just keep surprising me, Little Flower.” My face scrunches up at that, making him chuckle. He pulls me in, even more, aligning our bodies fully, leaving our faces only inches apart. “We barely know each other but you’re trusting me. Why? Why would you do that after we walked out on you?”
I suck in a sharp breath at his words. We stare at one another, and I see it there, again. Eli’s insecurities are written all over his face. He’s scared. I don’t know why or what has caused such deep-rooted scars inside of him, the same ones I saw earlier when he dropped to his knees before me at the coffee shop.Fuck, was that only this afternoon?
Seeing him like this; open, exposed, and vulnerable, has me wanting to offer something of myself back to him. Taking a deep breath, I drop my forehead into the crook of his neck, finding it easier to do this without his eyes on me.
“I do trust you. I don’t know why, but I do. I wouldn’t have done what I did with you three that night if I didn’t. I can’t explain it, but I’m drawn to you. To all of you. I like—” I break off, swallowing hard. This shouldn’t be so difficult. They’ve seen more of me than anyone else on this planet, ex-husband included. “I like the way I feel when I’m with you guys.”
“And how do we make you feel, Little Flower?” he whispers, his breath fanning over my neck. I shiver, causing a ripple-like effect when Eli does the same beneath me.
“Alive,” I murmur. “I feel alive with you. That night was more than just sex, Eli. It was everything. I was dying inside, and you woke me up.” I cling to him, trying to disappear into his body. I can’t believe that shit just came out of my mouth.
Stupid, stupid, stupi—
“Look at me,” he commands, gently but firmly gripping my jaw and removing me from my hiding spot. I fight his hold, refusing to meet his gaze. He tightens his insistent grip and growls out a warning sound that goes straight to my core. When I finally look up, his face is soft and kind. “That night waseverything,” he agrees, nodding. “And you’re right, it was more than just sex. Damn good sex,” he flashes a grin, “but more than that. There’s a reason I’ve been obsessing over you for months, Violet. I said it earlier and I’ll say it again.It was you.”
