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SAIL ON-RYN WEAVER
"Wanna talk about it?" Lily murmurs when we finally make it into the back seat of the Uber.
I shrug, glancing at her out of the corner of my eye. All of her attention is on me but she's fiddling with her phone, flipping it back and forth between her hands. "What do you want me to say, Lil?"
"How about your feelings?" she deadpans. I look between her and the driver a few times, unsure how much I want to say in front of a random guy, especially when talking about men. The driver, probably in his 50s, chuckles before turning up the music to drown out our conversation, but not so much that Lily and I can't hear each other. She gives him a grin and a thumbs up before turning back to me.
Sighing, I lean against the door so I can fully face her. How am I supposed to say that my feelings about the guys are completely and utterly ridiculous? ThatIam completely and utterly ridiculous? I have feelings for three men who I barely fucking know and while yes, it has the foundation of months and months of borderline stalking I did for my books before I even met them, my feelings are based on the incredible, earth-shattering, life-changing night we shared.
It's stupid, but what we did that night went beyond just sex. We each connected and those idiots would be lying if they said they didn't. It was emotional, intense, and required a large amount of trust, which I offered them on a silver fucking platter. I gave it, they took and then, they ran away like cowards.
While I haven't exactly forgotten them, it's not like I've pined after them every single day. I'm a busy, busy woman. I still own my coffee shop, which is doing very well: I’m working on an expansion for it as we speak. I work there three days a week and have a full staff I manage. I'm still writing and my last series, the one aboutthem,has recently been published and doing surprisingly well for being my debut series.
So, yeah, I'm busy.
I'm also almost 30 and a hopeless romantic at heart, as well as a not-so-closet-kink. I'm still looking for love, connection, and a bomb-ass sex life, hence the dating sites which I have forced myself to make time for. Though thus far, not a single one has panned out,clearly.
"Violet!" Lily barks, clapping her hands in front of my face. Coming out of wherever my exhausted, semi-drunk brain danced off to, I blink rapidly as I try to remember what she asked.
"Huh?" I murmur. Cocking her head to the side, she inspects me in that weird, all-knowing big sister way of hers.
"Wanna know what I think?" she asks, giving me absolutely no, time to say no because hell no I don't want her to psychoanalyze my boy problems. "Great! Let me tell you. So, I think you caught feels for three dudes who blew you to a whole new atmosphere, both metaphorically and vaginally, before dipping and hurting your feelings. Yes, I know we've discussed this, but that whole scene back there, well, girl, that just showed me another layer to the drama-lasagna."
My eyes widen and then narrow and then narrow some more. "Are you speaking English?" I choke out, beyond confused.
She laughs and slaps my thigh, harder than I think she meant to. I also think she's drunker than I am. I never asked where she had gone when I was dancing with those guys; I assumed to call Remi or to the bathroom but looking at her now, I think the better guess would be the bar.
"Shut it and listen up, bitch. I'm giving you all my wise words and I need you to take them and put them in your pocket because there is a good chance I'm going to pass out soon, mkay?" I can't fight the giggle that flies out of my mouth as I gesture for her to continue. "You looked both terrified and excited when Nova said the guys were there, and I saw the hope in your eyes. You were hoping that they had come for you. But then, the reminder of past rejections came back and bit you in the ass like the nasty skank she is.
"So you panicked, ran off, grabbed some random dudes thinking you'd make them jealous. Then, they backed out and bailed and now you're feeling that sting all over again. Am I right? I know I am, don't answer. But little sister, when your back was turned because you were bumping and grinding with STDs One and Two, you missed the best part of the night."
I swallow down the annoyance bubbling up my throat at the fact that she's basically just summarized and recounted my horrible evening, but I don't understand the rest of it. "What are you talking about?” I sigh, my voice thick in exasperation.
Lily looks down at her phone and taps away before pulling up a video. Shoving the phone into my hands, and not in front of my face this time, she points to the screen with a mischievous look on her face and taps it with a long, clawed fingernail. Fuck, this can either be really good, or really bad.
Looking down, I notice right away that this was taken inside the club. I'm not sure if I want to watch this or not, because I'm almost positive it has to do with one or all of the guys.You're a bad bitch, Violet. Suck it up.Fuck it. Before I can talk myself out of it, I press play.
The video pans around in a super out-of-focus way for a few seconds before it stops on three figures, looming over the dancefloor from the raised platform. Where ever Lily was when she took this, she couldn't have been too far away from them because she gets a really good zoomed-in shot of their faces, andholy fucking shit balls,I had forgotten how gorgeous they all are.
They aren't dressed as put together as they were the last time I saw them. In fact, they all look like they threw on random clothes and ran out of the house, which is odd. With the dim lights inside the club, I can't make out much detail, but I can see their facial expressions and the sight sets me on edge.
Renz looks absolutely murderous towards whatever he's glaring at, like seriously ready to flip his shit. He watches for a few minutes, the look of murder and mayhem never leaving his face before he spins on his heel and stomps away. Isaac isn't showing much emotion but he looks a little ill, honestly. Whatever he sees disturbs him but other than that, he gives nothing away before turning to follow Renz.
Elijah—well, he looks fucking gutted. Then hopeful. Then gutted some more. He watches the longest before his shoulders and chin drop. He turns away slowly, then glances back, before shaking his head and leaving.
The video cuts off and I'm filled with so many warring emotions and questions, I don't even know where to start. What had them so upset? Did a business deal go wrong? Did they get screwed over or something? No, they kind of looked like someone kicked their puppy, or their girlfriend cheated. Oh shit, was their girlfriend there tonight?
"Okay, stop that. I can see your brain spinning out from here. They were watchingyou,you dense-ass. They looked like they wanted to talk to you, but when they saw you having air sex with those guys, well, they did that." She gestures toward her phone that I'm practically bending in half with my clenched fist. Lily sighs and pries my fingers apart before taking her phone back and not so discretely wiping my sweat off on her pants.
"Look, Violet. I know you prance around acting like the world is your bitch and that nothing bothers you, but sweetie, it's okay to have feelings. It's okay to break sometimes and it is sure as fuck okay to have your heart broken when someone does you wrong. What is not okay is letting that shit keep you down and even worse, pretending that it never happened in the first place. You, me, Poppy…we had a fucked up childhood." I huff out a laugh because that is an understatement if I've ever heard one.
The car slows to a stop in front of my house since it's closer to the club than Lily's. "All I'm saying is that it's okay to not be okay. You never took the time to acknowledge Elliot's deception, but these guys, they brought something out in you that he never did and it's just hitting you harder. So acknowledge that pain, and then make a decision. If you want them, go get them like the badass bitch you are, but, make them work for it."
Smiling, I reach over and give her a tight hug, and it dawns on me that though my sisters and I are close, none of us are outwardly physically affectionate. Just another happy side effect of our delightful upbringing, I suppose.
"Thank you for everything, Lil's. Text me when you get home." She returns the embrace, squeezing me extra hard before letting go. "Love you, sis."
Climbing out of the car, I turn when she rolls the window down. "Love you too, Slutbag!" she calls out, grinning from ear to ear. "Go get that bag-of-dicks back!"
