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“Me?” Hal cleared his throat. Then he took another beer, stood up, and began to pace the deck.
Valentina watched Hal prowl around her like a lion caught in a too small cage. As he continued to pace with his jaw clenched tight, a pit began to grow in her stomach. Whatever he had to tell her must be big. As long moments continued in almost deafening silence, Valentina’s nerves began to fray.
“Hal, you’re scaring me.”
“Iscareyou?” He stopped pacing and looked at her with an incredulity that was almost comical.
“No. You don’t scare me, but you pacing up and down like a jungle cat instead of telling me what you want to tell me is scaring the hell out of me.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re not exactly the kind of guy who censors himself.I am afraid what you have to tell me is something you think I won’t want to hear.” Valentina had watched Hal’s face pale before her eyes and it really and truly frightened her. As she saw his fists clench at his side Valentina was filled with a cold dread. “Hal is something wrong? Are you alright?”
Hal snorted and continued to pace.
“Oh my god. Are you sick?” Valentina twisted her hands in her lap in anguish while she waited for his response.
“Do I look sick?” Hal stopped pacing and scowled at her.
“Well….no…but…”
Valentina suddenly felt herself being pulled up from the chair. Hal snaked his arm around her waist in the dominant possessive way she had come to expect from him.
“Well, you’re right. I am sick, Tia.” He let out a long-agonized breath.
“I’m sick of feeling like shit when I’m away from you for more than a few damn hours. I’m sick of falling asleep alone. I’m sick of waking up without you next to me. I’m sick of being afraid…afraid…that a guy like me will nevereverbe good enough for a woman like you. But you know what I’m mostly sick of?”
Hal crushed her to him and whispered brokenly against her ear.” I’m sick of trying to live a life without you. I love you, Tia. You have any fucking idea how hard it is for me to let myself feel that? In combat I’ve seen what I feel for you kill men. It weakens them, shifts their focus, crowds their mind with shit they shouldn’t be thinking of. But what I feel for you doesn’t make me weak, it makes me strong. For me, it’s you. And it’ll always be you. I never felt this way before and I’m damn sure I’ll never feel this way again. And now you tell me your gonna leave me? So now the question of marriage? That ain’t a question anymore.”
“Mmmmarraige?” Valentina stuttered out.
“Yeah. I was gonna ask you to marry me, Tia.” He growled.
“Hal…I…” Valentina’s swallowed convulsively. Her heart, which was so full one minute, was breaking in half in the next. Hal had wanted to marry her.Marry herand she blew it. The man who she had dreamed about spending the rest of her life with had wanted her too.
But now he didn’t.
Now the question of marriage was off the table, and Valentina wanted to die right there in Hal’s arms. She would rather have her last moments wrapped up in a fantasy then live rest of her life knowing that she had had thehappily ever afterwithin her grasp and messed it all up.
That’s how Valentina felt the first few stunned moments, but then she thought again.
If being true to herself and her ideals—if doing something that Valentina felt in her heart she had to do—if that one decision was the thing that made Hal change his mind about loving her? Then maybe this was all for the best. If he couldn’t wait the time it would take for her to come back to him, then maybe he was wrong—maybe this wasn’t love after all.
Valentina sighed mournfully. She wasn’t sure about anything anymore except that she was doomed. From here on out, Hal would be the standard for every man she would ever meet and Valentina knew that none of them would measure up.
“Why are you crying?” Hal reached up and wiped the tears that now fell in streams down her face.
“Why wouldn’t I be crying?” She couldn’t hold back the deep sob.” You just said you didn’t want to marry me anymore.”
“No. I said I wasn’t going to ask you to marry me.”
“Same thing.” Valentina sniffed.
“No, Tia, it’s not. But I guess I’m gonna have to work on my communication skills.” Hal lifted her chin and looked into her eyes. “Asking indicates a choice. I’m not asking you—I’m telling you. We are getting married.”
Valentina looked at him through wet lashes. “What about Haiti?”
“What about it?” Hal shrugged. “You go— I go. Not a big deal.”
