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Camille has texted me a total of four times. Once to tell me that she was going to New York, once to tell me that she landed safely, once to let me know she was coming home, and again a couple of hours ago to let me know she landed. She hasn’t asked to see me, and I haven’t bothered replying to her texts. I know I can’t keep this secret from her, but I also don’t want to tell her. It would ruin us completely before we even have the chance to begin.
Fuck my life.
I was ready to tell Karina I wanted a divorce, only to find out she was carrying my child. History repeats itself, fucking with me and ruining any chance I have to ever get the girl I’ve been in love with since I was eleven years old. There’s no way in hell Cam will have anything to do with me once she finds out Karina is pregnant, and I may be a piece of shit, but I’m not scum enough to leave the woman I impregnated.
Karina is pregnant. We’re having a baby.
Fuck. I don’t know how I feel about it. Children were never something I felt I desperately needed in my life. The timing is all wrong, and I’m struggling to be happy about it.
A knock sounds on the door of my home office, then the door opens slowly, and my wife appears wearing a pink silk robe and a seductive look on her lips that I’ve seen a handful of times before. “Are you going to be in here all night? I’m feeling lonely.” She walks toward me, her hands untying the knot around her waist that holds her robe together. I remain silent, curious to see why her attitude has changed.
When she told me her news, I know I didn’t react the way she would’ve liked me to. Like a child, I stormed off into my home office, where I’ve been ever since. At first, she tried to speak to me, but she stopped trying when I wasn’t responding. This is the first I’ve seen her in two days, and she seems to be in a much better mood.
Karina stands in front of me, sliding the silk down her bare shoulders until it falls to the floor and pools around her feet, revealing her naked body to me.
“What are you doing, Karina?” I ask, my voice raspy from not speaking in days.
“I want you, Dean. I want you to touch me and make me feel how you used to.” She forces herself between my legs. Her hands go to my shoulders, and slowly she climbs onto my lap until she’s straddling me. “Touch me, Dean. I need you.” Taking my hand, she places it between her legs.
She’s dry and can’t even fake it. She doesn’t want me any more than I want her right now. “It doesn’t seem like it.” Placing my hands on her hips, I carefully shift her off me and stand, setting her on her feet. She grabs her robe and covers herself up.
“Then what will it take for you to talk to me?” She throws her hands in the air, clearly frustrated. “I tell you that I’m pregnant, and you haven’t been able to say a single word to me! I’m carrying your baby. The least you can do is talk to me!”
“There’s nothing to talk about!” I snap, my hands tangling in my hair and pulling at the roots. “You’re…we’rehaving a baby, and that’s it. There’s nothing else we need to discuss.”
Her blue eyes find mine, and a frown stretches across her pale pink lips. “You should be happy. I’m finally pregnant again, and this is a happy moment.” She reaches for me; I cringe, but don’t pull away. She’s my wife, pregnant with my child, and she needs support right now.
She’s getting exactly what she wanted.
“I wasn’t expecting a baby, Karina. Forgive me for being rattled by this news. Last we spoke about it, we’d agreed to put off trying.”
“We did, but we also didn’t use any protection either. I was at the doctor to get on birth control when they asked for a urine sample to ensure I wasn’t pregnant. It’s standard. To my surprise, the doctor returned to the room and shared the shocking news.” Her face lights up with excitement. I don’t know if it’s too early for the glow everyone talks about, but she’s practically fucking glowing with her excitement.
Is having an unplanned child the worst thing to ever happen? It’s still my child, and I know I will love it and provide for it in every way possible. The timing and circumstances may be shitty, but it isn’t the child's fault.
“Camille was right. She said if we stop trying, and for me to stop putting so much stress on myself and worrying about it, it will happen. And look”—she gestures to her flat stomach—“it happened.” My eyebrows pull together in a scowl, annoyance setting in. I don’t fucking like the fact that Karina spoke with Camille, of all people, about her trying to conceive.
“I’m going to call her to thank her for the advice and apologize again for what I said to her. It makes me sick that I upset her and ruined our friendship.” The night of our failed double date seems like another lifetime ago.
“Don’t. Stay away from her. There’s no need to get involved with her again.” Karina can’t get involved with her because I’m already involved with her. It’s best the two stay far away from each other.
Karina shrugs her shoulders, not responding to my request for her to stay away from Camille. Instead, she takes my hand and drags me into our bedroom, where she makes me shower because the smell of liquor on my breath bothers her.
That night, I lie beside my wife in bed for the first time in weeks. She falls asleep easily while I lie awake, my mind racing a million miles an hour.
When morning comes,I do something entirely out of character. I stay home from work. I call my assistant and ask her to reschedule my appointments and explain that I'm not feeling well, so I’ll be working from home. I wasn’t completely lying. I am hungover as fuck, and the thought of having to leave the house and go into the office causes me physical pain.
So, I stay home and work for half a day and spend the other half in our home gym working off my frustrations.
Apart from the call I made to my assistant in the morning, I stay off my phone the entire day. It isn’t until night when I'm climbing into bed that I finally decide to check my phone, seeing several text messages and missed calls, all from the same person…
Camille.
Tuesday morning, the same routine. I work from home and ignore every call and text from Cam, too much of a coward to face her and share my bombshell news.
Wednesday morning, I go back to work, unable to hide away at home forever.
For the most part, the day is simple. I had two meetings when I got in this morning, but the remainder of my day is clear.
