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I can't be.
"You have to tell Mom, little sis, please wake her up and tell her."
"No!" I whisper-yell, frantic at the thought of my parents finding out. They'll be so disappointed and angry with Dean and with me. Spencer is the only one who knows that I lost my virginity to Dean before he left, and even she is disappointed in me. She lost hers at sixteen but said even that was too young. I've asked her before if she regrets it, and she said no because she and Dallas were in love at the time. They're not together anymore, and she doesn't like it whenever he's brought up, but I know she still loves him.
"You have to, little sis. You can't keep this a secret. You'll need proper care that Mom and Dad can help you get."
"I can't have a baby, Spence, I can't." Soon, she's crying right along with me.
"Try and get some sleep. We'll talk about this later." Even though she can't see me, I nod anyway, hanging up with shaky fingers.
Soon, I cry myself to sleep there on my cold bathroom floor while my parents sleep soundly down the hall.
* * *
The followingtwo weeks go by in a blur. School is starting soon, and my daily morning sickness is my constant reminder that I'm pregnant at fifteen and will be starting my sophomore year pregnant if I don't decide soon.
I've been thinking long and hard about my choices and what's best for not only my future but for Dean's future as well.
If I keep the baby, I'll eventually have to drop out of school and will be lucky if I graduate and get to go to college. Knowing Dean, he would rush straight home if he knew and give up his college education to take care of our baby and me. He'd be by my side. I know that for a fact. We'd become a family and eventually get married, but we'd never achieve all that we wanted to. I know the statistics for teen parents. I've done plenty of research over the last two weeks.
Keeping this baby means putting our hopes and dreams on pause and likely never achieving them. We'd have to get jobs to support ourselves, and we'd be too busy working that we wouldn't have the chance to focus on furthering our education and starting a business as we both want.
Dean wouldn't be upset with me at first, but I know that one day, maybe in five or ten years from now, he'll look at me with resentment because he’ll be stuck at a job he hates, wishing he finished school and had the proper chance to become the architect he wants to become.
The point is, we're too young. Fifteen and eighteen is way too young to be having a baby. We have our whole lives ahead of us, and one day, I know that we'll become parents, but not now. Not when we have no higher education and would rely on our parents for financial support.
Now isn't the time.
It's not an easy decision to make, but I know what I must do.
It's just not the time for us.
* * *
Spencer comes homea few days later.
We both start school in two weeks, but she wanted to see me before that, and I desperately need my sister.
Actually, I needed a driver and someone to hold my hand and support me with the decision I made that'll forever alter my life but allow Dean and me to finish school and follow our dreams.
It's Saturday morning, and my parents are at the country club. I'm sitting outside on the front step of our house when I see my sister's cab pull up to the front of our home. Her flight came in early this morning, and since our parents are not yet aware she will be home for the weekend, she had to take a taxi home.
She steps out with her duffle bag, and I run toward her, nearly knocking us both over. Hot and heavy tears stream down my face uncontrollably.
"Shh, it's okay, baby sis. I'm here now." She soothes me, rubbing the back of my head gently. "Let's go inside and talk."
"No. I need to go somewhere, please. Can you drive me?" She pulls back, giving me a questioning look, but doesn't press me further. She nods and carries her duffle bag toward the front door.
"I'll grab Mom’s keys, be back." Our parents took my dad's car to the country club, leaving our mother's car behind.
Minutes later, the garage door creaks open, and Spencer is in the driver's seat, backing the car out of the garage.
Picking up my backpack, I throw the strap over my shoulder and rush toward her, climbing into the passenger seat.
She waits until we're exiting our gated community before she looks over and speaks. "Are we going to see a doctor?" I nod, digging in the front pocket of my backpack, and handing her the folded-up piece of paper containing an address. I throw my backpack into the backseat while she enters the address into the GPS.
"Something like that. Please, drive." With a nod, she does exactly that. She follows the GPS and drives me to the one place that has all the power to save my future.
