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Camille has fucked with my head, and I wish I’d never have to see her again.
That's the first lie I tell myself.
"You really gave me your all. Thanks, honey. I feel confident that we made a baby," Karina singsongs. She’s so hopeful. She is always so damn hopeful.
I'm beginning to wonder if sex is even for her enjoyment anymore. Does she want me like she used to, or does she only want me for the purpose of making a baby? I know shewantsa baby, and I want her to be happy, but a baby isn't the answer to fixing a marriage that has been broken for years. We’re not happy; we’ve grown apart and fallen out of love, but we’re too afraid to admit it to each other.
"I'm ovulating, so we'll need to do it again tonight and tomorrow to be sure we catch the egg." Karina steps out of the bathroom, holding the digital ovulation test in her hand. "If it doesn't work this cycle, I want to try IVF again."
"Karina, I think we should take a break from trying. No more tracking your cycle, no more tests, no more procedures." The words are out of my mouth before I can control myself or think about what I’m saying.
Gasping, she shakes her head, looking at me like I've gone crazy and grew three heads. "No, Dean. I don't want to stop. I know we’ll eventually be successful and have a healthy baby that I can carry full term. I'm not done trying."
I’m the one that opened the door for this inevitable conversation, and now I can't close it. The discussion about her obsession with trying to conceive is long overdue and has been weighing heavily on me for a while. It's time to be honest and speak my truth. "I'm done trying, Karina." I close the distance between us, taking her small hands in mine. "We both need to step back and take a break. A lot is going on right now, and for the time being, we need to stop." It isn't a complete lie. I’m stressed from our move and with establishing my company here in Seattle. I'm jumping into two new projects today and taking over a current project that has already begun.
There's a lot on my plate right now, things she'd never understand.
"Why are you saying these things? You want a baby just as much as I do." That's not entirely true, nor is it false. When Karina got pregnant the first time, our marriage had hit a rough patch, and during one drunken night in an attempt to rekindle our romance, we ended up creating a baby. A baby girl that never got the chance to take her first breath. Our beautiful angel was born sleeping, and Karina has been obsessed with trying to conceive ever since.
I worry about her; I do. That’s why we need to take a break from trying before it drives us further apart.
"You're just saying this because you're stressed with work and the move. I knew we should've stayed in London." She pulls her hands away from mine with a sigh.
"Don't ever say that. You know my mom needs me, needsus. And yes, I am stressed with work. I can't stress about work and then come home and stress about getting you pregnant." I'm not looking for an argument, but I should've known this sensitive topic would lead to one. It always does.
"Your mom is fine, Dean! It's been a year since your father died. If anything, she needed you then. Not a year later. Besides, she has herpreciousCamille." I don't miss the disdain in her voice when she mentions Camille, but I choose to ignore it.
My mom and Karina have never been close. Mom did not agree with me marrying her. She never felt we were right for each other, but she respects my decision and has always been respectful toward my wife. I wish Karina would be better toward my mother, who is my number one. I'm not a mama's boy, but I'd take a bullet for my mother any day. I'd protect her with my dying breath. Karina has never understood our relationship, which caused a strain on our marriage in the beginning. She doesn't understand how much family matters to me.
Even as important as family is, I'm surprised by the fact I don't want to have a child. Not now, at least.
"I'm her son, and she needs me. We'll finish this conversation later; I need to get to work." With a sigh and shake of my head, I walk toward the chair in the corner of our bedroom and pick up the freshly pressed suit Karina laid out for me last night. Picking up the clothes, I dress myself quickly, watching as she crosses the room and slips inside the closet, returning with my jacket seconds later. She helps me into my navy suit jacket and adjusts my tie.
"Fine. We'll talk later, but keep in mind that I'm not done trying. One more round of IVF, Dean. If it doesn't work, we'll look into surrogacy." She kisses my cheek and walks off toward the bathroom as if she hadn’t just dropped a huge fucking bombshell.
Hell to the mother fucking no. Surrogacy is not an option.
Forty minutes later,I arrive at the construction site that will soon become the headquarters for Sinful Pleasures, Camille’s clothing line. We agreed to meet here with the head of construction to discuss bringing Camille's dream to life.
I park my blacked-out Lamborghini Urus behind her Range Rover and watch her from the window like a creep.
She's standing next to Garrett, the construction crew manager I hired. They're both laughing, and something resembling jealousy takes over me. My hands ball into fists in my lap, and I grind my teeth, hating that he's getting to hear her laugh. I don't need to be beside her to remember what her laugh sounds like. I've never forgotten the sound, and if I'm being honest, it's a sound that I fucking miss. She hadn't laughed on Friday. She barely even spoke or looked in my direction. I would know; I couldn't keep my goddamn eyes off her.
I'm a bad husband.
Instead of continuing to watch her like a weirdo, I shut off my car and join them. She's wearing a form-fitting emerald dress that matches her eyes and clings to her body like a second skin. A pair of black heels wrap around her ankles. Even after eleven years, she's still able to take my breath away with one smile. She's older now; her body more mature and even more beautiful than I remember.
Her crimson lipstick has me thinking dirty thoughts. Thoughts I have no fucking business thinking.
I clear my throat and shake my head, needing to snap out of it. I need to get myself out from under the spell she’s so effortlessly cast on me. "Good morning. I hope you have an idea of what you want for your building." I interrupt their conversation, jumping right to the point. For my sake, I can’t make small talk with her. It’s too dangerous.
"Yes, I do. I have a few rough drawings, but I trust that you can work with them." The way her plump lips curl up at the corners has my cock twitching.
Beside her, Garrett starts talking, but I’m too focused on her red lips and sinful body to pay attention to anything that’s being said.
Fuck.This is going to be the longest project of my life. I'm half-tempted to tell her that I can't work with her and will set her up with someone else.
Being around her is dangerous.
