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Declan removes the shower head and sprays it over my body, rinsing away the soap subs. Once I'm clean, he hangs the shower head back up and steps toward me, backing me against the corner.
Goosebumps spread across my body, and a chill shoots down my spine when my back touches the cold shower wall.
He surprises me by picking me up. With a gasp, I wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck, my fingers tangling in the hair at the back of his head.
Reaching between us, he grips his already hard cock, and guides it inside me, curses falling from his lips when he enters me. His forehead falls against mine, our focus on the sight of him sliding in and out of me repeatedly.
We moan in sync, our eyes remaining focused on the sight of our joined bodies.
One of his hands holds onto the back of my thigh while the other grips my hip. His fingers dig into the soft flesh of my hip that I hadn't realized is adorned with fingerprint bruises from Dean until now.
Declan fucks me nice and slow against the shower wall. I should’ve been ashamed of myself and rejected him. I should’ve denied my husband entrance to my body because I couldn't keep my legs closed and let another man enter the sacred space that’s supposed to be reserved for my husband only. But instead of rejecting him, I give him what he needs.
It's not about me; it's about him right now.
We come together, and he slowly sets me back on my feet as soon as our breathing evens.
We complete the rest of our shower in silence, then step out and dry ourselves. While I'm drying my hair and covering myself with my candy apple red silk robe, Declan slips into the closet to get dressed. We don't say a single word to each other, but I can hear him fumbling around in the closet and bedroom.
After pulling my hair back into a bun and putting on clean panties, I make my way into the living room, stopping in my tracks when I see the duffle bag and suitcase waiting by the couch.
“Dec, what’s this?” I point toward the luggage as he steps out of the kitchen with two water bottles in hand.
“I’m going back to New York for a while.” My heart stops. This is the conversation we've been putting off for far too long. I know what we need to do, but seeing his bags packed and hearing him say the words crush me. He steps toward me, sets the water on the table, and takes my face in his cold hands.
“Baby girl, we both know that this hasn’t been working. It hasn’t been for a while. Our problems started long before we lost Luca, and we both know that something must change.” He wraps me in his arms, his chin resting on the top of my head. I wrap my arms around his waist, hugging him against me tightly, inhaling his musky spice scent.
“You had the right idea asking for a divorce, but first, I think we need to take some time apart and decide if this is really what we want to do.”
I love Declan, and as rough as our marriage has been, and as much as I’ve thought about ending things myself, now that I’m faced with our marriage ending, I’m heartbroken.
I’m losing my best friend.
My lover, my husband, the father of my child.
“I’m so fucking happy that I’m able to call you my wife, and I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for you when you needed me to be. After we lost Luca, I was selfish. You are so strong and incredible, and you held us together. You took care of me and everyone else, and you were all alone. I’m sorry I did that to you, baby girl.” He sighs, taking a step back so he’s able to look at me. He grips my chin and tilts my head. “I’m going back to New York to meet up with the band and record some new music I’ve been working on. We need some time apart. It'll be good for us."
I can barely see him through my tears. "We had time apart while you were in rehab."
"Babe, I wasn't good back then. Now that I'm sober, I must focus on staying sober and mourning Luca properly. I can't be around you every day because all you do is worry about me. You resent me, and you have plenty that you need to work out on your own right now. Go see Dr. Reynolds. Take time to heal yourself." He wipes my tears away, kissing my forehead slowly. "Our relationship is very unhealthy, and until we work on ourselves, we'll never be good for each other."
I nod because that’s all that I can do. I know what time apart means. We’re going to end in divorce, and we both know it. Once again, we’re delaying the inevitable. We know what’s going to happen, what our ending will be, but neither of us wants to say the big ugly D-word, so we’ll call it time apart.
Time apart that’ll eventually end with us permanently living in two different states.
“When are you leaving?” I ask with a frown.
“I’m going to the airport now. I’ll call you after I land and get to our place.” I nod, pressing my lips against his for what may be the last time. We stay lip-locked for several minutes, our lips moving in sync and our tongues tangling.
“Goodbye, baby girl. I love you forever.”
“I love you forever, Dec. Please call me.” He nods, kisses my forehead, then he’s gone, the door slamming shut behind him.
I collapse to my knees, tears streaming heavily down my face as my heart cracks open and spills all over the floor.
Maybe I was holding on to him because he’s my connection to Luca. He’s my connection to a time in my life when I was the happiest I’ve ever been—when I was Luca’s mother.
Lying on the floor in the fetal position, I take my phone out of my robe pocket and call Spencer, hiccupping into the phone as soon as I hear her voice.
