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“…scared,” she said. “I was scared.”
“Scared?” The thought was strange. Alien. She’d never seemed scared. Not once.
She shrugged. “My mother always taught us that attack is the best form of defence. No mercy, go get’ em and all that.” She sighed. “Then there was you, and it was all anyone talked about. All Dad talked about.Katie’s so lovely, Katie’s so pretty, so kind. Play nicely with Katie, look after Katie.”
My blood turned cold.
“And I was scared. Scared he’d like you best. Scared you’d take my things. And you were so lovely and pretty and kind. Everything I wasn’t. I hated it. I hated you.”
“You made that pretty clear,” I said, but it wasn’t hostile.
“I just wanted to say sorry. I mean, at work you were so much better than me… you could have gloated… I wouldn’t have blamed you, wouldn’t have blamed you for humiliating me or rubbing it in… that would have been fair…”
“I wanted to,” I admitted. “Some days.”
“But you didn’t.”
“No, I didn’t. That isn’t who I am.”
She laughed. “I wish I could say the same thing about myself.”
“Maybe you can,” I said. “Every day is a fresh start.”
“That’s what I’d like,” she said. “One day, I mean. A fresh start.” She looked so nervous. “It put things in some perspective for me, seeing you at work. And then with Samson, you rode so well on that course. Really great. I had a horse who carried me through, but you, you really rode… you and him.” She gave him a pat. “I just wanted to say sorry, not that it’ll be worth anything, not after everything, but with Samson being here, and you and Dad making amends, I just thought I’d say it.”
“Thanks.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say. “I really appreciate your help with Samson. I really do.”
“You’ll ride him again,” she said. “Give him some time out.”
“Alotof time out.”
She didn’t argue. “And your leg, it will get better…”
“Eventually.” I was smiling, though, because she was right. It would get better. “It could have been worse. He made it. We’re both still here.”
“And you’ll still do things together, and if you want to ride, when you’re better, I mean, you could always ride one of mine, just until Samson’s…” She took a breath. “I’d like that.”
Too much, too soon, but I kept smiling. My emotions were piling up in my belly, and I felt small again, and weak. But strong, too. I felt it all at once.
I tried to lighten the mood.
“I’m so bummed about Harrison,” I said. “I mean talk about a shitter. You’ll have to take me some photos. I’ll want to knoweverything.” I laughed. “You’ll have to think of me, hobbling around on my crutches while you’re learning secrets from the best handler that ever existed.” I flipped her the finger, but it was good-humoured, as good-humoured as I could make it. “Lucky cowbag.”
She didn’t seem to think it was funny, and I felt strangely guilty.
“But I…” She cleared her throat. “We cancelled Harrison.Icancelled Harrison. Not permanently, just until you’re better.”
The blood drained from my face, my jaw loose. “You did?”
“Yeah.” Her eyes twinkled. “Not just for you, of course.” She tutted loudly, but it was in fun. “I’m planning on staying on at the office, after the internship. I think I might specialise in marketing. I’m enjoying it.”
I’d forgotten all about the internship. It felt so far away.
“That means a lot,” I said. “About Harrison. I really wanted…”
“I know,” she said. “It’s my dream, too.”
I felt choked up and awkward. “You must be busy, with all that at work and looking after Samson... a lot on your plate…”
