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“It was until it wasn’t,” I said.
“I guess that’s true about a lot of things,” she said. “Do you want to go do a word search with me? Mitch brought in a whole new book of them.”
I shook my head. “Thanks, but I think I need to lie down.”
I was relieved when I saw that my room was empty. I liked Sophie, but I just wanted to be alone.
I lay down on the bed and closed my eyes. I was thinking about my mother and Conn. I ached to see them again. I needed to make sure they were okay.
Jordan wondered how I could ever want to go back to that world, with all its hunger and darkness and death. I couldn’t make him understand that those people were as real to me as he was.
And in that world, I was only myself: Hannah Dory. Here, I wasus.
I am a me who doesn’t know me, and I am a me who knows both of us.
Can you make sense of that? No?
Welcome to the club.
I was resting, breathing deeply, trying to call up the other world, when the air was split by screams.
CHAPTER 50
The lounge was mayhem. An episode ofAmerica’s Got Talentwas playing at near-full volume on the giant TV, and Michaela was freaking out. Andy was rocking by the window with his hands over his ears, and “I don’t belong here” Sean was standing there with his mouth hanging open, an expression of shock on his face.
At first I had no idea what was going on. Then I saw what Sean was staring at.
In a corner of the room lay Sophie. She was curled in a ball on the floor, clutching at her wrist, and kicking Nurse Amy away from her. “No!” she was crying. “Don’t touch me! No no no!”
“Sophie, let me help,” Amy yelled, but Sophie wasn’t listening. Blood seeped through her fingers. Blood was on Amy’s shoes, and it was smearing across the shiny white floor.
“Sophie!” I screamed.
My roommate looked up at me from where she lay, and her eyes were huge and scared. She said, “Oh, it’s my friend! Hannah, I’m sorry—I didn’t mean—Oh,shit—”
She couldn’t get a full sentence out. She was scared by the blood, I could see that, and so was I.
I tried to run to her, but suddenly it seemed like the entire staff of Ward 6 had appeared out of nowhere, and they got in betweenme and my roommate. They surrounded her, making a wall of hospital scrubs that blocked my view. I could feel waves of panic building in my chest as I tried to see through them. I dropped down low, trying to get a better look at what was going on.
“Sophie!” I kept yelling. “Sophie!”
I was crawling toward her on my hands and knees when someone grabbed me by my shoulders and started pulling me back. I fought against whoever it was, but then I heard Indy’s voice in my ear.
“Let them do their thing, babe,” he said. “They’re trying to help her.”
I tried to push him away, but he was too strong. When I gave up, Indy half dragged me toward the edge of the room, propped me against the wall, and smoothed the hair from my forehead.
“It’s okay,” he was saying soothingly, “it’s going to be okay.”
I was shaking, my teeth chattering, adrenaline coursing through me. I could hear Michaela’s screams fade as someone hurried her away down the hall.
“What’d Sophie do,” I said to Indy. “What’d shedo?”
Indy grabbed my hand and squeezed it between his—no one was going to tell us not to touch each other right now. “She hurt herself, but she’s going to be fine.”
His voice trembled as he spoke. How did he know? Did he have any idea what he was talking about? Or was he just telling me what we both wanted to hear?
The knot of aides around Sophie finally broke up, and I saw Mitch and Amy lifting her from the floor. She wasn’t fighting them anymore. They were carrying her away, her body limp and helpless.
