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I choked out a stuttered breath. “It’s not that easy.”
“I know it’s not easy,” Lucian conceded. “But you’ll get there. Take it one minute at a time, just as you have with everything else. And remember that as long as Ed still has a voice inside your thoughts, he controls you.”
I collapsed back onto the sofa and stared at the wall. Lucian was right. He was always right. But it didn’t make it any easier to believe that there could be good in what I’d done.
“Ace, what are you doing here?”
I twisted to see Gypsy approaching with a sleepy yawn, carrying a tiny bundle cradled in her arms. She looked worried as she sat down beside me, and I understood why.
“Is Birdie okay?” she frowned.
I nodded on autopilot, lying for the sake of sparing her any further grief than necessary. She’d asked me to take care of her sister, and so far, I was failing miserably at it. But it was evident she didn’t buy my lie as the room stilled and she waited for further explanation.
“Lucian, could you go heat a bottle?” Gypsy asked, her eyes never leaving mine.
He offered me an apologetic glance as he left me alone with his wife while he disappeared into the kitchen.
“Here.” Gypsy leaned over and extended her arms, and before I knew what was happening, I was holding the baby. “You can’t lie to me with a baby in your arms.”
I must have looked panic-stricken because she laughed. “Don’t worry. He’s sleeping. You’ll do just fine.”
Unsure of what to do, my entire body went rigid as I cradled the baby against my chest, afraid that even the slightest of movements might hurt him or wake him.
“How is she really?” Gypsy asked, using my distraction as her opening.
“She’s…” Words failed me. I felt flustered, and it must have been obvious. My cheeks burned as a flush crept up my throat, and I didn’t know how to answer her question.
“I know I’ve put a lot on you by asking this,” Gypsy said apologetically. “Birdie can be difficult to handle. She has a pure heart, but…” Her words drifted off, and she tangled her fingers together in her lap as she gathered her thoughts. “But sometimes, she doesn’t always show that.”
“She does her best,” I answered, my tone defensive.
Gypsy seemed to come to some sort of understanding as she observed me. “Has she had any… outbursts?”
It felt like I was betraying Birdie to talk about her this way, even if Gypsy was her sister. But I knew this was the deal I’d made, and if I didn’t give Gypsy answers, she was likely to want to set Birdie free. Even if that might be the best thing for her right now, I wasn’t ready for that.
“She’s had one.”
Gypsy swallowed and shook her head. “One isn’t bad. I mean, it isn’t good. But I expected it, as I’m sure you probably did too.”
“We sorted it out,” I offered, leaving out the part where I’d fucked her rage out of her.
Gypsy seemed lost in her own thoughts before she answered. “It’s her way of never becoming a victim again, I think… to be the aggressor instead. She tries to suppress her emotions, and then eventually, they boil over.”
“I can handle it,” I assured her, though truthfully, I didn’t believe it myself.
“I know you can.” She paused, and I didn’t think I would like whatever she had to say next, and I was right. “But Birdie’s pretty good at pushing people away. When you look at her, you see a grown woman. Someone who carries herself well beyond her years. But emotionally, she is still so young. And I’m afraid she’ll always be like that. She isn’t capable of relationships or even friendships. Caring about someone means those feelings could be used against her. Do you understand?”
I sank deeper into the couch, watching the baby sleep peacefully in my arms as I considered what she’d said. She was warning me away from her sister, while at the same time, she had inserted her into my life.
“I just don’t want either of you to get hurt,” Gypsy whispered.
I jerked my chin in agreement, though it wasn’t necessary. What happened between Birdie and me would never happen again. She was my responsibility, and I couldn’t fuck this up. She needed a haven. A place to heal from the damage in her past and become who she was meant to. And that place probably wasn’t necessarily with me, but right now, I was the best option she had.
“You look like a natural.” Lucian returned with a bottle in his hand, glancing down at me with his son in my arms. I’d always known that he trusted me, though I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t. My past was murky, and as an ex-con, there was no telling what I was truly capable of. But he’d always believed in me, and that was never more evident than when he allowed me to continue holding his son as he offered me the bottle.
