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I damn myself for causing her this pain. I should have left when I realized who she was. Left London and never returned.
He could not bear the sound of her crying, the sight of her shoulders shaking as the sobs wracked her. Something within him recoiled at the idea that he had caused her more harm with his words than if he had taken a blade and stabbed her with it. But he could not comfort her. It would make him a hypocrite to tell her that all would be well, to kiss and hold her and act as a lover should, when in a day he might well be leaving England without her.
His hand lifted and then fell to the aged wood of the ship. He leaned forward, hunching his shoulders, and glaring into the gathering dusk.
This is what comes of love. This is what comes of attachment. Nothing but pain for both of us. I am not made for it. Better that this matter is resolved in Simon’s favor and Alice is free to forget me and choose another.
Alice turned and ran from him. It was too much. Harold’s resolve broke and he turned to chase her. But his legs were still weak and the movement of the ship thwarted him. As it rode the swell, he slipped. Reaching out for a rope passing overhead, he missed and fell to his knees, then to his side. Pain lanced into him from his damaged ribs and he groaned breathlessly against it. Gritting his teeth, he tried to get his hands under him to push back to his feet. But the strength was not there.
“Give me your hand,” said Simon.
Harold’s head lifted. Simon stood over him, one hand extended. Harold raised his own and took a firm grip of Simon’s. The other man hauled him to his feet and he leaned against the rail that ran around the ship.
“I heard your exchange with my sister.”
“And enjoyed it, no doubt. It seems no matter what happens next, you have won.”
“No. I have never seen Alice in love. I saw it here for the first time. I do not believe she is lost to you. Perhaps, you did not handle the situation as well as you might have. But, I no longer believe my sister to be the innocent victim of a charlatan.”
Harold frowned. “What has changed your mind?”
“I know her. I cannot deny from the grief that she is in, that she feels she has lost something important to her. Something real. I want to believe you are a blackguard who intends to seduce her and discard her. But…damn it, I cannot. Go to her.”
Harold wanted to strike the man for taking them to this point and now, when it may be too late, to relent. But his arms shook as he held onto the railing and he doubted he would be able to keep his feet if he did.
“I will not stand in your way any longer. If Alice wishes to choose you and you are the man I believe you to be…well, she will know she is always free to return to Lindley. This changes nothing between us Redwood. Just that, I cannot be the architect of Alice’s unhappiness. Go. You have my…blessing.”
That last word was dragged from him. As hard to say as my promise to Alice. I cannot deny he has acted with honor though. For all the mistakes he and I have made, he is a man of honor.
Harold pushed himself away from the railing and almost fell, staggering. Simon stepped back, offering no help. Harold smiled grimly.
At least he is consistent. He gives his blessing but will not help when I can barely walk. So be it.
He made his way aft, leaving Simon to take his place at the prow, staring moodily at the passing water. Harold advanced by means of lurching from mast to crate to railing to rope. By the time he reached the ladder which gave access to the crew quarters, he was recovering a measure of strength, the pain in his ribs and knees easing somewhat. He managed to descend the ladder, sliding the last few feet. The corridor along which quarters for the officers and passengers were located was narrow, terminating in the captain’s quarters.
Harold used the wall for support as he made his way down the passage to Alice’s quarters. He tapped on the door but there was no answer. He tried the handle but found it locked.
“Alice. It is me,” Harold said. “Open the door.”
Still no answer.
How can I apologize if she will not admit me!
“Alice, I have spoken to your brother and he has agreed to step aside. He has given his blessing. I do not want to discuss this in front of the entire ship. Open the door.”
There came the sound of movement from inside. The sound of the latch being removed. The door opened. Alice’s tear-stained face looked up at him in pained confusion.
“What are you saying?”
Harold entered the cabin. Alice tried to bar the door but he put an arm about her waist, and with the last of his strength, lifted her clear. He closed the door behind himself. She did not protest at being manhandled but simply stood, with his arm about her waist, looking at him with expectancy.
“Simon has been the better man. And acted with honor. He has given his blessing,” Harold said. “I am sorry, my love. I said what I said out of the belief that it was better that you have your family than me. I am sorry I did not share my thoughts with you. I am sorry for what I have put you through.”
“You nearly broke my heart,” Alice said, eyes overflowing with tears. “I thought I had found my husband. The man who has only ever existed in my dreams. And you…”
“Burned those dreams. I know. I ask…no, I beg for your forgiveness.”
Harold fell to his knees, looking up at Alice entreatingly.
