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The image of Bess was conjured full blown, and it was brought home to him that Mistress Elizabeth Hardwick was only four years older than his little girl.
Later that night in the seclusion of his bedchamber, he took up his quill to reply to Bess's letter. During the afternoon hours with his daughter, William Cavendish's perspective had altered. It was wrong of him to seduce a girl who was barely sixteen years of age. The kindest thing he could do for Bess was to let her have her honorable marriage.
Bess had been up at the crack of dawn each morning, avidly awaiting the post from London. Her stomach was in knots from apprehension. What if William didn't get her letter? What if he got it but didn't bother to reply? A hundred what-ifs chased each other through her mercurial thoughts as day by day her dread increased.
She had visited the Barlows on two occasions at the urging of her mother, but though Bess was deeply concerned about Rob's health, she couldn't bear to listen to Mistress Barlow urging her to the marriage and issuing veiled threats about having her stepfather imprisoned for debt.
Bess spent time with her sisters and younger half-sisters, though after Lady Zouche's spacious London house, it seemed they were living on top of one another. Ralph Leche and her brother, James, had little farming to do now that December approached, but they busied themselves going into the forest to cut wood for the fires.
Finally, the long-awaited post arrived. Bess looked down at the envelope bearing William's bold script, and as her heart leapt with joy, she kissed the letter fervently. She ran upstairs and sat on the bed she shared with Jane. Holding her breath, she tore open the envelope and unfolded the letter.
My Dearest Bess:
Please believe me when I tell you that I never had any intention to hurt you. I am deeply honored and flattered that you desire me for your husband, but I swear to you that I thought you knew I already had a wife.
Bess stopped reading as the words swam together. A wife? No, no, how can that be? The news stunned her as if she had been given a death blow. Slowly, she read the words again. She was not mistaken. I thought you knew I already had a wife. Bess's heart constricted. No! Noooo!
The letter fluttered to the bed as she wrapped her arms about her body and began to rock back and forth. A deep sorrow engulfed her. Tears she could not stay spilled down her cheeks and dropped upon the parchment. She sobbed on until she was breathless and her bodice was soaked with tears. Sadness seeped along her veins and into her bones. With nerveless fingers she reached for the letter and read further.
The king is sending me to Ireland to survey Church property, newly seized by the Crown, and I shall be there for at least a year. You could accompany me only as my mistress, so I urge you to make an honorable marriage in Derbyshire.
William Cavendish
The letter slipped from her fingers, and in a trance she went downstairs, walked out the front door, and didn't stop until she came to a sturdy elm tree. Bess wrapped her arms about the smooth gray trunk as if she were willing its strength to enter her body. Then all of a sudden her sorrow turned to anger. She smote the tree with her fists and began to curse.
“Knave, bastard, whoreson … ravisher of virgins! I hate you, Rogue Cavendish! I hate you!”
If he had been before her, she would have killed him with her bare hands. She was in such a passionate rage, she wished she were a goddess with a fistful of thunderbolts to hurl.
Inside, they watched through the window, clearly hearing her screaming and cursing. “Can't we help her?” Jane asked in anguish.
Her mother shook her head. “There's nothing we can do until the storm has blown itself out.”
Bess remained outdoors, away from everyone. As dusk began to fall, Jane said, “She'll freeze; she has no cloak.”
Aunt Marcy patted her shoulder. “Bess's blood is too hot to freeze. Her passionate nature will always stand her in good stead. She gets everything out of her system in one fell swoop.”
Bess didn't come inside until it was full dark, then shortly after, she went upstairs to bed. Bess heard Jane come into the room, felt her climb softly into bed beside her, then eventually heard her sister's breathing change as it quieted in sleep. Bess lay for hours, wanting the oblivion of sleep, until finally, sheer exhaustion crept over her.
Bess awakened, terrified. The room was empty, stripped bare. She ran downstairs and found the bailiffs carrying off everything she possessed in the world. She begged, pleaded, andcried, all to no avail. Outside, her families' meager belongings were being piled on a cart. They had been put out of their house and had nowhere to go. Fear washed over her in great waves. Panic choked her. When she turned around, the cart was gone, her family was gone, even Hardwick Manor had vanished. Bess had lost everything she had in the world. The terror mounted until it engulfed her; the waves of fear almost drowned her. The hollow, empty feeling inside her belly was like ravenous hunger, only worse. She was overwhelmed with helplessness, hopelessness.
“Bess, Bess, wake up! You are screaming … you are having a nightmare.”
Bess opened her eyes and clutched Jane with trembling hands. “I was back at Hardwick again!”
“Was it the same nightmare you always used to have?” Bess nodded. It was just a dream, she reminded herself. It was over, thank God, but the hollow, empty feeling inside her belly remained.
Bess was late coming downstairs the next morning. She had barely set foot in the kitchen when she heard a frantic knock on the door and a gray-faced Robert Barlow was ushered into the room.
“It's Father. He's much worse … we think he's dying.”
“Sit down, Rob. You are ill; you are white as a ghost.” Bess was alarmed at his lack of breath.
“I must go to Edensor for Reverend Rufus.”
Mistress Hardwick took matters into her own hands. “No, James will fetch the reverend. We must all hurry back to your house. We will be needed.”
Her mother and stepfather, Marcella, and Jane set out at once. Robert lingered behind, waiting for Bess. “I'm so sorry, Rob,” she said helplessly.
