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I had to get out of here.
Evie woke as I tried to untangle myself from the sheets and her limbs.
“You’re leaving,” she said. It wasn’t a question.
I nodded. “I have to go.”
Pulling my pants on, I wanted to look away as she sat up, pulling the sheet with her and covering her chest. I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t. She glanced out the window. It was still dark, and the apartment building across the street was black. There was that glow the mornings get when the sun was only an hour or so away, a warmth to the horizon, barely visible over the neighboring buildings. She was so beautiful. I thought it every time I looked at her and even when I wasn’t. Her beauty stayed steadfast in my mind even when I was desperate to look away to save what was left of my soul.
I’d seen some messed-up shit since being on Earth, witnessed more than I thought my heart could take.
But the empty resignation on her face, that was something else. She knew I wouldn’t stay, and I couldn’t figure out if that hurt more or less than breaking her heart. How could I explain to her how hard this was for me?
That bubble of anger flared inside me again. I wouldn’t have to explain it if I were better. I wouldn’t even be in this position if I had better control over myself and I hadn’t fallen for her.
Is that what had happened?
I was weaker than I thought.
“I have to go,” I growled, looking around for my shirt then remembering I had torn it in half in my haste to be next to her naked body last night.
“You ruined me, you know?” she whispered.
I could feel the frown on my face, but I couldn’t help it. “What?”
“You ruined me.” When she raised her eyes to mine, there wasn’t pain there, only anger to match my own.
“I’m sorry.”
She laughed, a single loud sound that was unnatural to her. I had heard her laugh, and it didn’t sound like that. She threw the sheet off her, either forgetting or not caring about her nudity, and stormed around the bed, crossing the distance between us and pressing her finger into my chest. “You’resorry?You’resorryfor what you’ve done?”
I backed away from her, and she advanced until my back hit the opposite wall. She was too close, and the warmth from her was unbearable. Even with the rage written across her face, I still wanted to hold her. This realization flared my anger in response to hers.
“WhatI’vedone?” I cried. “You changed me!” Her hand dropped from my chest, and her mouth hung open, but she didn’t respond. “It’s not supposed to be like this,” I raged. “I’m only supposed to care about you to protect you, to give you a better life. But you,you,got under my skin, and I saw you as awoman, saw you as absoluteperfection,and now I want nothing more than to protect you as my own. Not out of duty but because Iwantto.”
Evie threw her arms up in frustration. “What the fuck is wrong with wanting that?”
“It’s not meant to be like this! Angels don’t do this!”
She scoffed. “Angel, huh? Angels like you? Angels who are just so damn good and pure they can’t possibly be spending their time with someone dirty like me.”
“It’s not like that.”
“Do you think you’re the only one who’s suffered because ofthis?” She moved her hand in the space between us. “Because do you know whatyoudid tome?You showed me what it was like to be cared for, to have someone who really cares, to have someone who I could talk to and laugh with, something I’veneverhad before. You showed me all of this, all the things I didn’t know what it was like to miss, but then you fucked me and rejected me. How do you think that makesmefeel, Zaqiel?”
“I never meant to hurt you.”
She scoffed again, bordering on a humorless laugh. When she raised her eyes to mine, there was rage, defiance, and a streak of resignation that cut me up. “You hurt me in a way that doesn’t leave scars, and I’d go through everything I did that left me looking like this if it meant I didn’t have to feel that way again.”
“I’m sorry. I ruined us both. You won’t see me again.”
Turning, I left.
Simple as that.
I just walked away.
And she didn’t call after me.
