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By the time the sun rose, I knew what I had to do. I needed to nip this in the bud before it got out of hand. There were so many reasons that we shouldn’t be together, even if it was just for a night or two of passion. I’m so much older than her. People would see us together and immediately judge both of us. I would be the creepy old man preying on a young innocent girl and she would be classified as some Lolita. While I could handle the scrutiny, I would never put her through that. People would constantly be in her ear telling her how wrong it was. Her friends, her classmates, fuck, her parents would completely lose their shit.
Even if we could survive all the talk, the gossip, the dirty looks, the fact remains that she’s young, she wants to start a family. Eventually, she would outgrow me. I’ve already admitted to myself that I have feelings for Violet, what would happen to me a month down the road, shit, six months, a year? I would be in too deep and when she inevitably moved on, I would be left all alone once again. But this time it would be worse, this time I would know what it would be like to be with someone that I truly cared for. No, it’s better to end it now before either of us gets too invested.
Then, of course, there’s Bianca. That text she received from my daughter right before she took off was another reminder that we both had relationships to protect. I know that neither of us wants to hurt Bianca and I know that she would feel betrayed. There is no way that she would understand. Hell, I barely understand myself.
Unfortunately, all of my reasonings and good intentions almost went right out the window when Violet kissed me. I had been shocked to say the least. Then my body gave into what it wanted and I kissed her back with everything I was feeling inside me. It wasn’t until I heard her little moan that I was brought back to my senses and remembered why I asked her to come over in the first place and pushed her away. I could see both arousal and hurt in her eyes when I told her that we couldn’t do this and it made a little tiny fissure in my heart but I know that I’m doing the right thing. For both of us.
I try to keep myself busy for the rest of the weekend. I’ve never wished I had a more active social life than I do right now. I could hang out with Jake, we’ve certainly done it before, but I know him. He’ll either tease me about Violet or try to push me into hooking up with some stranger. Neither of those things sounds very appealing. Instead, I stay home and do housework. Things I haven’t done in years—like clean the baseboards—are suddenly a priority. The house has never looked so good. I could try to lie to myself and say it’s all for Bianca’s party next week but I’m not very good at believing my own lies these days.
When Monday finally rolls around I head into my office. Waiting for Violet is some kind of sweet torture. I don’t know how to act around her now, what to say to her, but that doesn’t change the fact that I want to be near her. Is this how my life is going to be from now on? Even I think I’m pathetic. When the time reaches ten a.m., I finally give up on Violet coming in today. I mean, she doesn’t have a set schedule so she’s perfectly within her rights to not show up. One of the reasons she took this job that’s completely beneath her is because she can come and go as she pleases. But I know that she’s avoiding me. I’m not happy about it but I understand it.
Tuesday, it’s the same thing. No Violet in sight.
On Wednesday, instead of sitting at my desk, sulking and waiting to see if Violet comes in, I head out to the strip mall job site to check on the progress. There’s really no need for me to be there. Adrian has the project well in hand and we’re ahead of schedule but I’ve got to get out of here.
“Hey, boss-man, what brings you out here to our humble abode?” Adrian asks me as I approach. He shakes my hand, enveloping it in the drywall dust that’s covering him from head to toe.
“I just thought I’d come out here and check and see how everything’s going,” I explain lamely.
He gives me a funny look, then just shrugs his shoulders. “We’re about to demo that last unit on the end. Since you’re here, you might as well lend us a hand.” Good. Some punishing physical labor is just what I need today so I follow him to the unit in question and grab a well-worn sledgehammer.
A few hours later I’m covered in dust and sweat, my shirt clinging to my body like a second skin, my back and arm muscles aching, my chest heaving with exertion.
“Man, jefe, you’ve really got to get out to the site more you look like you’re about to keel over.” Adrian laughs at me. I smile and give him the finger before going in search of a water bottle. Just when I’m finishing chugging the entire thing down, my phone rings and I can see it’s Bianca. I take a seat on my trucks tailgate and answer.
“Hey, pumpkin, what’s up?”
“Hey, Daddy!” Here we go.
“What do you need?” I can hear her let out an exasperated sigh on the other end of the line.
“You know, you always assuming I need something is starting to get old.”
“Well, when you stop calling me Daddy when you need something I’ll stop asking.”
“Anyway,” she continues, sounding exasperated. “I was going to get drinks and dinner tonight with Mom, do you want to come?” I suppress a groan. The last thing I want to do tonight is hang out with Amanda. I’d much rather sit at home, drink a beer, and stare at the television like a zombie but it’s hard for me to pass up an opportunity to hang out with my daughter. We make plans and I say goodbye to Adrian, heading home so that I can shower and change.
It’s pouring rain when I arrive at Bianca’s favorite restaurant so I make a mad dash to the door. You’d think that after I’ve lived in Seattle for so many years I’d be smart enough to keep an umbrella in my truck. Apparently I like to live dangerously.
Once I’m inside I shake myself off like a dog, dislodging as much of the rain as I can, and scan the room. I don’t see Bianca anywhere but I spot Amanda sitting at the bar, a bright blue blended drink in her hand. I let out a sigh and walk over taking the stool next to her.
“No Bianca yet?”
“It looks like she’s running a few minutes late,” Amanda says. She takes a sip of her drink and gives me a smile. “I figured I’d get a head start.”
“That sounds about right,” I mutter.
“Jesus, Dante, do you have to be such an asshole all of the time?” I want to snap at her but she’s not wrong. I really should be making more of an effort, especially if she’s going to be living here now. With Bianca dictating our get togethers it seems like I’ll be seeing a whole lot more of her from now on.
I decide to take her question as rhetorical and instead ask, “So when is it that you’re making the move?”
“Not for a few more weeks. I’m just here this week to sign some paperwork for the rental, set up my storage unit, you know, take care of some odds and ends. Since Bianca’s party is in a few days I figured I’d just stay in town.”
“Are you staying with the girls?”
She lets out a laugh. “No way. I didn’t want to live with a bunch of twenty-somethings when Iwastwenty-something.”
“Well, you also had a kid then.”
