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Imade my way toward the lounge and I could feel my heart rate start to increase with every step closer that I took. I felt the perspiration on my skin settling in a fine mist as the panic I’d allowed my inner self to succumb to. This was just two people talking, longing to be together but with meddling people, a messy past and a stalker that was determined to do anything to keep us apart.
I opened the door and my eyes immediately focused on the strong man that I was used to seeing in my presence gone and all that remained was a shell. He looked like he was breaking and withered of emotion as he stood with his back curled over, leant forward and using his knees for support. I’d never seen this side of him. This rawness was unlike the confident character that Xander always tried to perceive. Did he always bottle and hide behind parts of his life or was it just that this had caused this strong superman hero to fall from the skies? Xander had never shown me anything but strength. At this moment however, he was opening his heart to me as he let his deep, long sobs to echo in the air, not caring about being heard.
I carefully inched closer to Xander, hoping he could sense I was near and was here now but the moment I looked between his hands and saw the faded photograph and fine locket necklace dangling over the length of his knuckles, I felt anger burn inside.
“They told me to be calm. They told me to listen but…” I blew out a long breath and turned around, knowing that if I caught the sorrow on Xander’s face, I’d lose the grip on my emotions and I would lash out. “A girl. You’re telling me all this about a former girlfriend,” I said as I pointed to the photograph. “It’s great being used as a rebound.”
“Stop! Charlotte, stop!” His angered, harsh tone hit my ears before his thick, taught arm grabbed my wrist and spun me to face him. “Listen to me for two minutes. Lily was a girl! Yes, the fucking best but a lover, hell no! She is my sister! Shewasmy sister!” He croaked out the last bit and I watched as he stumbled backwards, not stopping until the back of his legs hit the edge of the sofa, letting it catch his weight as he collapsed onto it. “Charlotte, Lily…”
“The tattoo!” I exclaimed, dropping my head. “Is that her?”
He nodded, knocking all the breath out of me.
“I’m her lion. Her protector but also the cause of her demise.”
“Xander… I…” He held his hand up with the locket dangling down the length of his wrist to silence me.
I got it I really did and I understood that he wanted to explain but I needed to explain my outburst. I had to apologize. I was wrong. “But…”
“Charlotte, let me get this out before I can’t. I have to tell you what happened and then…” Xander sniffed upwards and the action shifted the necklace to his opposite hand while he rubbed the bridge of his nose. “You can say what you’d like. You can yell and you can scream. You can even run away. I won’t stop you if you hate me that much.” He bore his gaze into mine with his crestfallen eyes back on me. “I deserve it.”
“Xander, how are you able to determine that you deserve it? How can you decide that my emotions will just snap with whatever you’re holding back from me? Yes, I was angry with Travis. I was fuming with you for listening to him and not talking to me but now… just explain.”
I took a seat next to Xander and placed my hand over his for support, squeezing it gently and hoping that the gesture and the slight smile that I gave him was enough encouragement for him to speak. With a slight cough and clearing of his throat, Xander downcast his eyes but didn’t move his hand away.
“As you know, I’ve been a bodyguard for a while.” I nodded, even though I knew he wasn’t looking at me. I hoped he understood the reason for not interrupting him with words. “Well, my last post was ensuring the protection of my singer sister Lily, alongside the guys. Except I failed and she died. My little sister died all because she had a stalker that I thought was playing fake mind games with us.”
ChapterFourteen
Xander
Itried to halt the multitude of emotions that wanted to explode from within me. I never in a million years thought that Charlotte would think that all this stemmed from me being with another woman, another relationship, but when I glanced down into my hands and took a hard look at the photograph, I could see why she’d have come to that conclusion. What would I have thought if it had been the other way round?
Charlotte sat in my place, distraught and unable to decipher how to explain what she hadn’t even managed to process yet herself, let alone explain it properly for someone else to. I know I would’ve struggled to control my temper and gone all domineering and possessive, not caring if I looked like a jealous fool demanding answers from her mouth, no matter the state she looked like at the time. It was no wonder that she thought that as I gazed down at the photograph of Lily and I. Seeing my smile cracking across my face as I kissed Lily’s cheek, her hair flowing down along the curve of her neck and the radiant glow on her skin as we both held our fingers in peace signs screamed lovers more than siblings.
For the first time in my life, I said the words out loud. I admitted the truth that had held me back, locked in the shadows all this time.
I failed. My sister was dead because of me not taking a threat seriously and the heavy weight on my chest and shoulders immediately felt lighter.
“Charlotte, I broke protocol. I listened to my sister’s pleas, rather than doing what I was trained to do. She didn’t want to leave this…” I held up the silver locket and the wretched sob flew from my mouth as I felt my lips tremble. Charlotte squeezed my hand once more tightly. “This is nothing but an heirloom, a piece of silver. A bloody memory in which we could’ve retrieved later.”
“Xander, you can’t blame yourself.” Charlotte reached for my chin and dragged it upwards to face her mascara and tear-stained cheeks. “You can’t know if staying would’ve caused a different outcome.”
“I do because Charlotte, I may have seen the guy who pulled that hit on Lily and reacted quicker than Memphis and Barrett. I could’ve shot him down before he managed to take aim…”
“You don’t know that.” Charlotte edged her hand up and rubbed her fingers against the stubble on my face before circling around and holding the back of my neck. “You could’ve been hurt too.”
“I wish I was. I wish I could’ve taken that bullet for her,” I choked out.
“Do you? Think about that for a moment,” she snapped harshly. “How do you think that would’ve made Lily feel knowing that you died for her? The guy could have shot a second bullet and she would have died, too. Have you thought about that?” Charlotte’s voice rose with every rambled sentence she shouted back in my face before she blew out a long breath and pulled me close so that our foreheads were touching. “If you had died, who would I have had to protect me?”
“But she was my sister! I was meant to protect her. Charlotte, it was my job,” I choked back. The pain split through my already fragile and broken heart. It was like I’d been teleported straight back to that moment in time again when the whole surreal moment played out in front of my eyes. “I was meant to protect her.”
“You were her brother, Xander. You were her bodyguard. None of that will ever disappear. It will never change but now...” Charlotte pulled back, trailing a finger down my stubbled, unshaven chin before placing a soft delicate kiss to my skin. “You’re my protector, my lover and completely and utterly mine. I need you to understand that. We need to make decisions as a united front, not apart.”
“I know,” I admitted, knowing that out of every word she’d said these were the most honest, if not brutal.
