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“You think I enjoy this?” He frowns. “Castle has always had a way of getting under my skin, but when it comes to you, he brings out the worst in me.”
“Why do you hate each other so much?”
“I think it’s obvious by now. We’ve both been honest about our feelings for you.”
“This has nothing to do with me. The tension between the two of you goes way back, long before I came to Zodiac Island.”
He sets his fork down, not even attempting to hide the resignation crossing his face. “It goes back to my mother’s death.”
I was not expecting that. Silence stretches, consuming the air until my curiosity wins out. “What happened?”
He draws in a deep breath. “Remember how I said my mother loved Liam’s father?”
I nod.
“Well, it caused a lot of tension between our families. When she died…” He shakes his head. “Liam sided with his father in the blame-game. He accused me of being selfish and reckless, of causing her accident because I’d run away from my so-called duty.” He closes his eyes. “Part of me believed him.”
“Sebastian.” With a hard swallow, I reach for his hand. “Look at me.”
He does, his ocean eyes intense with remembered grief, and that look hits me square in the chest.
“What happened to your mother was not your fault.”
“You know it’s more complicated than that.”
“It’s not complicated at all. You were young, devastated by your sister’s suicide, and incredibly brave for trying to leave the Brotherhood. There isn’t a piece of my heart that believes Fate punished you for wanting a fresh beginning.”
“That’s because you have a forgiving heart.” He turns his hand over, and his warm palm presses against mine. “Bad shit happens when we go against the establishment. Call it a coincidence, call it a curse. It’s still a damn fact, Novalee.”
“What about Landon’s plan? Isn’t that going against the establishment?”
He inches his hand free. “Castle’s right. I am selfish and reckless.” His eyes darken to the sea at dusk, fear deepening the crease between his brows.
Before he can pull away, I grip his fingers. “The desire to love and be loved in return isn’t selfish or reckless. It’s what makes us human. It makes life worth living.”
“If anything ever happened to you…” He dips his head, as if hiding the pain that uttering those words brings him. “I don’t know what I’d do.”
“Stop.” I squeeze his hand in reproach, despite a shiver going through me at the thought of the unknown tearing us apart. “We’re here, together. We can’t control what happens in the future, but we can hold on to what we have now.”
He lets out a long-awaited breath, as if the moment gave him permission to let go of the fear.
“God, you’re amazing.” He tugs me out of my seat and onto his lap. “You’ve been through hell,” he whispers, nuzzling my neck, “but you’ve still got so much compassion in your soul.”
“I thought you were punishing me.”
He scoffs. “As if I can keep my hands to myself when you’re wearing this poor excuse of a robe.” As he parts the material, exposing my bare breasts, one errant finger grazing a nipple, I let my eyes drift shut.
“Does this mean you’re not mad at me anymore?”
“I was never mad at you. I just don’t like being kept in the dark.”
“I don’t want to keep you in the dark, but I don’t have a choice.”
“At least tell me one thing, so I don’t go out of my fucking mind. Can you do that for me?”
“I can try.”
“This condition of his…” With a heavy pause, he studies my expression. “Is it going to hurt you?”
