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This must be painful for him. Marc is headstrong, with an aptitude for numbers and an ego the size of a continent. To find out he was tricked...
“He fed off problems that were already there,” I point out. “We’ve been at odds for longer than that.”
“Ever since I married Lily.”
“I wasneverjealous of you two—I wanted you to be happy.”
“You told me I was crazy to get married.” Marc throws his hands up in the air. “The night before my wedding you told me I had to protect myself and that I could always get out if things started to go bad.”
It was true, Ihadsaid that.
I remember the conversation now. I was genuinely worried for Marc and Lily—genuinely worried, because I care for themboth. And the thought of them going down the same dark path that my parents did... I was panicked. Furious that they were so blinded by love as to risk themselves like that.
“I shouldn’t have said that,” I admit, shaking my head. “I didn’t want you two to end up hating one another. I didn’t want to lose either one of you over it.”
“I thought you were in love with her.” Marc’s face is pure fire—not anger directed at me, but shame. Regret. Disbelief. “And then when I heard these whispers that you were sleeping together, my brain joined the dots. I thought that whole conversation was because you were already with her behind my back.”
“Never.”The word comes from down deep; from a dark place packed to the walls with bad memories. “I don’t know how much you remember about Mum and Dad’s divorce...”
Marc’s lip curls. “I remember enough.”
“Do you remember that I used to herd you out into the street at all hours to play soccer? Didn’t matter if it was midnight and we should have been in bed hours ago.”
“We used to throw rocks at Lily’s windows to get her to come and play with us.” A ghost of a smile slips over my brother’s lips.
“It was never about the soccer.” I tilt my head up to the ceiling, trying not to drown in remembering. “I did that so you wouldn’t have to listen to Mum and Dad screaming at each other. So you wouldn’t have to listen to Mum crying that Dad was screwing another one of his assistants. So you wouldn’t accidentally walk in on him with another woman in our mother’s bed like I did.”
Marc’s eyes widened. “You’re kidding me.”
“I’m not. I couldn’t shield you from the fact that they were going to split up—nobody could. But I damn well didn’t want you toseewhat was going on between them. I didn’t want you to be totally messed up by it.”
Silence settles over us and I take in a slow breath to calm the rapid drumbeat of my heart. I’ve never told Marchalfthe things I witnessed. We were young at the time and much of the conversation and subtext had flown over my head. But I heard it all. Absorbed it all.
“I never wanted you to see that Mumknewabout all the affairs and yet she did nothing. It was almost like a game for him, to see how far he could push her.” I hate my father, for the cruelty he exacted on my mother, and indirectly on us. “I think he wanted to see what it took to break her.”
“And he did, didn’t he?” Marc’s gaze drifts to the window behind me, where hazy Melbourne sunshine floods into the office. “I remember that she didn’t leave her bed for weeks at a time. She wouldn’t let us answer the front door and the phone was always off the hook.”
“I never wanted you and Lily to go through that.” I sigh. “But I managed to put a hand into your relationship when I should have given you a chance to survive without my baggage. I was worried I’d have to choose between you.”
“And who would you have chosen?” Marc asks.
Pain spears my heart so sharply it feels like an actual blade.
“Of course I would have chosen you, Marc. Christ.” I put my words together carefully. “I love Lily dearly. Platonically. She’s like a sister. But youaremy brother. You’re my blood. Of course I would choose you.”
Tension clogs the room like a thick soup. My hand twitches and I have to fight the urge to snatch up the letter opener on my desk and slash through the air just to break it up.
“I know you think I don’t care about this family,” Marc says. “But I do. Ialsowanted to feel like I had a role here, that I wasn’t simply playing your understudy.”
“I can’t change being born first.”
“I know. That’s my issue, not yours.” Marc looks at the desk. “I should have believed you.”
It strikes me then that even though I’ve wanted to hear those words, I had no idea just how much Ineededit. “Does this mean you’re coming back to the company?”
Marc shakes his head. “I need to do my own thing. Build something for myself, for my own family.”
“And Lily?”
