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“Why I’ve been so messed up. Why I shut you out.” He bobs his head. “I’ve been walling myself away for the last five years, thinking I was honouring my mother when in actuality I was going against what she wanted for me. She would never have wanted me to hide my art in a cupboard. My dad came to see me and... Well, I know we’ve got a lot of repairing to do but I want to change things with him. I want to forgive him and myself and... I want to move on with my life.”
I search his face, looking for the meaning behind his words. Standing here with him in this quiet room, while the noise of the show echoes in the background, feels so intimate and real.
“This is going to be my last show,” he says, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “And I’m so glad I got to do it with you.”
“You’re selling the gallery?” I gape.
“No, not selling. But I’m not going to be running it anymore. I’ll hire someone to manage it for us.” His voice sounds lighter, freer. “Dom is trying to decide whether he wants to continue running the operations side of things or if he wants to go and do something else.”
“And what will you do?”
“I’m going to paint. I’m planning to take off to our country property for a while and spend some time falling back in love with art.”
He’s leaving. My heart sinks like a stone and I do my best to hide it, but the feeling is so heavy I’m surprised my knees don’t buckle. “Oh, that’s wonderful.”
But it doesn’t feel wonderful. It feels like heartache all over again—because I miss Rowan like crazy and, stupid as it seems, I’d taken some comfort knowing he was on the other side of the wall. Knowing he was close. I try to be happy for him, but it’s like taking a shotgun to my heart. How did he become part of my life so quickly? So thoroughly?
“I was hoping you might want to come with me,” he says, breaking through my spiralling thoughts.
I blink. “What?”
“After your game has launched, of course. I figured you might want some time off and the country house is the perfect place to relax. We could...go together.”
I open and close my mouth, searching for the right words. There are still so many questions, so much uncertainty. But my heart blooms like a seedling in my chest and I can’t help wanting it to grow. “Together?”
“Yeah, one car. One house.” He smirks and for a second it’s like all the pain is gone and Rowan is just my infuriating, cheeky next-door neighbour again. “One bed.”
“So,together, together.”
“Yeah. Together, together.” He reaches for my wrist and tugs me closer. “This last week has been hell without you. I’ve been a miserable bastard snapping and sniping at everyone. Even Dom stopped talking to me for a moment there.”
“Take Tina’s advice,” I joke. “Maybe you just need to get laid.”
“I needyou, Emery.” He’s deadly serious, his dark eyes capture mine and I’m ready to melt. He places my palm against his heart and covers my hand with his. “I wouldn’t have been able to face any of this without you. Because I didn’t know what I was missing before. I didn’t know what my life was lacking until you came pounding on my front door.”
“I’m subtle like that.” I cringe and duck my head, but he tilts it back up, forcing me to look at him. “Thanks for reminding me about that.”
“I was perfectly content to float through life pretending I was living. Pretending I had something worth living for.” He shakes his head. “But I didn’t. I had nothing but pain, and ghosts, and a protective shield. You tore all of that down and made me see that I was so fucking lonely and sad. But when I’m with you... I don’t feel any of those things. I feel whole.”
Tears fill my eyes, but I blink, shaking my head like his words don’t compute. “I didn’t do anything special, Rowan.”
“Yes, you did. And you have no ideahowspecial you are.” He cups my face and brings his forehead down to mine. “How incredible and talented and smart and so gorgeous it makes my head spin. You put everything on the line for your dreams, still pushing on even in the face of criticism and adversity. Still pushing on even when you doubt yourself. You’re a warrior. Fuck, youinspireme.”
I wrap my arms around his neck and drag his head down to mine. I don’t know what to say, because words aren’t my forte. But I want to show him. I want him to feel what I feel. To experience the connection between us. I kiss him hard and deep, lining my body to his, and sliding my fingers into his hair.
“Is that a yes?” he asks, his lips grazing mine. His hands are at my back, holding me close.
“Yes. I want us to be together, together.” I look up at him, with hope and goodness and excitement filling my heart. “Not just at the country house, either. But here, at home, every other place we go. I want it all...and now I know that I should be confident in my choices, so I don’t want half measures. I want the real deal. All of it.”
Saying it out loud is terrifying. Because I’ve been on the wrong side of rejection so often—being too much, too competitive, too demanding. But Rowan showed me that I know in my gut what’s right, if only I listen.
“I want that, too, Em. I want to stand by your side as your career takes flight and I want to help you fight for all your dreams and goals.” He smooths a hand up and down my back. “I want us to reach our potential together.”
“Same,” I whisper. “No more hiding from your creativity, okay? You deserve more than that.”
“Thank you,” he says, capturing my mouth once more. “You pulled me out of a dark place.”
“You pulled yourself out, Ro. I just gave you a helping hand.”
