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“You know I’m photographed around girls all the time! We weren’t touching — I don’t even know her name. Ask Will or Nate.”
She snorts. “Reliable witnesses.”
I lie back on the bed and look at the ceiling. “Do you do believe me?”
“I don’t know! I know the media like making stories out of you — us — but watching all this happen from over here is bloody hard.”
“Come back then.”
“I'm going to come back to the tour tomorrow, whatever I decide to do. I’m not giving up this experience for anybody! I bloody fought hard enough with Bryn to let me stay.”
My heart skips out of rhythm. “Decide what to do?”
“About us. I can't believe what's happening to my life less than two weeks into a relationship with you. It's insane!” When Tegan’s voice cracks, a leaden weight hits my stomach. She’s hurting and I’m the reason.
“Things will calm down. That's why you went home, to wait.”
“Things won't calm down, will they?”
Neither of us speaks, knowing she’s right. Is this my life now? A heavy realisation descends — Tegan might end what we have before we’ve really started.
“Don't make a decision until we’ve spoken face to face, when you can see I’m telling the truth,” I say.
“I said I will come back. I need to think and I need to talk to you.” Her small voice emphasises the distance between us, one I hope doesn’t exist when she returns.
When she comes back, we can click back into the Jax and Tegan who exist outside of all this shit. We’ll push my screw up aside. We have to.
“You believe me? You mean a fucking lot to me.”
“I'll fly to Oslo tomorrow,” she says coolly. “We can talk then.”
32
OSLO,NORWAY
TEGAN
I ask Jax not to meet me at the airport. He was insistent, wanting to talk to me the moment I arrived; but wherever he goes, the press does too, so I said no. I don’t want the public scrutiny back. Seems the press is as fickle as they presume Jax is. We’re over and I'm old news.
Is this the answer? Jax and I now have the option of keeping our relationship a secret to everybody apart from those on tour. The more I consider this, the more the idea appeals. I could allow them some shots of me out alone and turn on tears if somebody hassles me about Jax. Hell, he denied he’s with me; I can do the same. How plausible is it, really, that Jax Lewis would trade his hedonistic ways for a girl at this point in his life? Unlikely.
That question still dogs me. I believe him. I know he can be an arrogant douche when drunk, but there’s another side to Jax. The softhearted, romantic guy hidden beneath his devil may care attitude. The guy who handed me his necklace, the man who surprised me at the airport to say goodbye, cares. The Jax who phoned me religiously each night and even remembered when out drinking in Amsterdam.
But what about when we're apart longer than a few days? The next tour? If I travel or live in a different city? Experience indicates I'm not cut out for long-distance relationships, and I doubt Jax will be either.
I shake away the overthinking. Again, how Jax can take up as much of my waking thoughts and spend his nights in my dreams concerns me. He already evokes strong and worrying emotions after a short space of time. I blamed the intensity of the tour and claustrophobic environment for the immediate, engulfing desire for Jax; but even away from him, there’s a pull to be with him, in his world.
How will I react when I see Jax again? Part of me wants to end what’s between us for fear of getting hurt, but a larger part wants to run straight into his arms.
* * *
I'm tired after my flight and the stress of the last couple of days, but I can't prevent the constant leaping stomach when I think about seeing Jax again. I texted him from the airport, and I'm in my room less than ten minutes before he arrives.
The man I open the door to knocks the breath from me, the same way I attempted to deny the first time his glacial eyes met mine in Portugal. He's wearing a loose shirt, the top two buttons undone revealing his smooth chest and the wired feeling I’ve had for the last few hours explodes into an intense desire to wrap myself around him. Jax’s eyes shine as he sees me, mouth tipping into the smile seen the world over, but right here, right now, is for me.
Jax hesitates for a second before backing me against the wall and closing his mouth over mine. My body responds instantly, the familiar taste and scent of him intoxicating. We haven't spoken, don't need to. The passion in his kiss and my response speaks louder. We kiss with a desperate hunger; and when I push my hands beneath his shirt, Jax lets go of the restraint shaking through his body.
He pauses, breathing heavily as he looks at me with darkened eyes. “I fucking missed you.”
