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“What do you want to know?”
“What were you like at school?”
“Nobody paid any attention to me at school. I wasn't a cool kid. Too busy with the twins and music for much else.” Jax curls a tendril of my hair around his finger.
“Nothing?”
“We snuck into clubs in town a few times but apart from that my life was about music. I figured I could indulge in the booze and women once I hit the big time because I was sure we would.”
I ignore the women comment. “I love how much you believe in yourself.”
“I thought you said I was arrogant?”
“Admit you are sometimes, Jax.”
“Call it what you like. Once we arrived at uni and started gigging, a few more people were interested. Then Ruby. Then Jem and things became fucking awesome.”
There’s a question, which nags, a desire to discover the man beneath the persona. Something to guide me what being his girl exactly means. “You never had a girlfriend?”
“Nothing at school. Like I said, too busy.” He leans across me to reach his beer from the bedside table. “The girls I liked weren’t interested in me.”
“Are you seriously telling me you didn't have girls all over you at school?”
He grins. “I was skinny and quiet, didn't dress to impress. I wasn’t always an egomaniac you know.”
“But never a relationship?”
He shakes his head and drinks again. “Not really.”
“At uni?”
“A few very short relationships. Like, a couple of weeks. Girls get pissed off when I don’t pay them enough attention, so I stopped pretending I would.” Jax tips his head. “Why all the questions?”
“Trying to figure out the guy beneath the rock star, that's all.”
“I’m not him. I told you that before.” He purses his lips, as if not wanting to ask the next question. “You? Did you have something serious at school.”
“Yeah, a couple of years.”
Jax's eyes widen. “Years? Wow. So, what happened?”
“He went away to uni and found somebody else,” I reply more nonchalantly than I feel.
“'Kay.” Jax picks up the remote. “You watching this? We could find a better movie.”
“Yes, I am.” I take the remote from him. I'm pissed off Jax didn't respond to my broken heart story with sympathy; but I wouldn’t expect Jax to be intuitive about these things.
We settle back, and watch the movie again. Is part of his behaviour attention seeking after years of rejection from girls exactly like the ones who pursue him now? And what does that make me? I try to imagine Jax as a quiet guy who nobody’s interested in.
Impossible.
Some of Jax’s allure is the rock star label, but he’s built to break hearts. From his startling blue eyes and sensual mouth, to his lithe body that begs to be explored, he’s one hell of a man. The girls from school will be kicking themselves hard now.
I can’t let Jax know how fast I’m falling for him, and how confusing this makes my life. He will let me down; and if I choose to keep going with the relationship, I have to accept the inevitable end. And to do that, I need to keep my heart protected which means keeping my emotions in check and saying nothing.
Why do I have the feeling I lost control of the situation by coming back?
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