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“Come on, you sorted me and the girls backstage passes. I want you to introduce me to your brother.”
“I don't know...”
Julian leans in and whispers, “I'll admit I'm a total fanboy and only want you to introduce me to Blue Phoenix.”
I give him a half-smile as he nudges me in the ribs with his elbow “Maybe, I’ll take you, but you'd better make it worth my while!” I reply.
“I shall entertain you with my sparkling wit. Or, failing that, I’ll embarrass you with my mad dancing skills.” He launches into a demonstration of obscure dance moves which are out of rhythm with the strains of a Ruby Riot track coming from the stadium
“You're funny.”
“Life's too short for serious.” He arches a brow.
Julian’s phrase hits. Isn’t that how I live my life? Hiding from the serious and running from the pressures of adulthood, an adulthood now snapping at my heels with decisions to be made about my future. Jax is a blip. He brought too much serious, and the hurt I always knew he would.
Screw him for ruining my happiness.
“You know what? You're right. What the hell, I'll come along.”
A grin crosses his face. “I knew I’d persuade you. Come on, we’ll have a beer or two until Phoenix are onstage. Afterwards you can introduce me to them all at the party.”
As Julian heads to the bar, I look at the floor. I may have been away from the tour for a few dates, but I’m here at the end, and I’ll see this through.
* * *
We arrive as a group — Julian, the girls from work, and me — the girls already angling for introductions to my brother and the band. I warn them that the Blue Phoenix girls are here too; Zoe is a Dylan fan and her face visibly falls. I fight a smile and share a knowing look with Julian. Julian holds his cheek with both hands and mouths ‘ohmigod rock stars’ and I push him, with a shush.
“My idols, Tegan. Loved them for years!” he says and winks.
“Oh, I see, just using me to get to the band?” I put my hands on my hips.
“Totally!”
The event is reminiscent of the eventful night in Lisbon when Jax was still a possibility, and my night ended in disaster. Different venue, different security, but a lot of people I recognise. I can't help but be amused by Julian’s wide-eyed, star struck persona taking over his usual self-assured cool guy. Maybe he isn’t lying about his hero worship. My friends aren’t the only one, there’re plenty of wide-eyed, flushed-faced people hurrying through the doors, chatting excitedly. And this is before any of them have met the band.
“Dude!” shouts a voice. Will appears and drapes an arm across a similar looking guy's shoulder, welcoming him with loud exclamations about the debauched night he promises them. Of course, Jax told me the other day that half of their Oxford friends are coming tonight.
Nate appears too and judging by the raucousness of his behaviour, and through weeks of watching the behaviour, the twins have been drinking since Ruby Riot left the stage three hours ago.
Awesome. Drunk Jax. Just what I need.
Zoe and Claire hang back to chat to an overly interested Will, as I walk through the double doors into the large, carpeted function room. Julian halts. Blue Phoenix and girls are the centre of attention, despite spread out in a corner at the far end of the room. “I guess you want me to introduce you?”
“Well, I was half-joking, but if you insist...”
We approach the group and as I glance from couple to couple, my heart twinges at the loved up group in front of me. Especially Bryn, he can't take his eyes off Avery. I'm happy for him. He’s definitely more pleasant to be around these days.
Bryn studies my forehead my. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine. Honestly.”
I do not want this conversation with my brother again; especially as when I told him I’d split with Jax, his reaction was predictable. I only just managed to persuade Bryn not to hunt Jax down, joking that he’d piss PR off if he messed up Jax’s features. I’m switched off from how I feel which makes it easier to lie to those around me. The fact Jax is here somewhere and inebriated helps my disdain for him, and prevents the temptation to talk to him again.
The big test is if I see him with another girl. Since Jax is drunk and we’re over, he could lapse straight into his old ways. Surely, he’s mature enough to show some respect if I’m in the same place.
I scout the room as I absentmindedly introduce Julian, but can't see Jax. The place is crowded and loud, less sedate than the first party in Portugal. A waiter passes with a tray of glasses, and Julian takes two, handing one to me. An awkward conversation between Bryn and Julian follows for a few minutes, before he relaxes and chats more.
The volume from the Ruby Riot dominated group in the corner rises, and more than one or two people cast an eye in their direction. They're crowded around one of the tables stacked with empty champagne and beer bottles. A couple of tall guys step out of the way and I catch sight of Jax. He looks over, in the weird way people do when they're aware they’re being watched. He meets my eyes and flicks a look at Julian. Immature, I know, but I turn my back on Jax.
