Page 38 of Shadow Mate


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“It’s complicated. But mostly I didn’t want to go into heat,” I admitted.

“I understand, but do you know how dangerous that is?”

“Nothing ever happened. I was fine,” I said.

She shook her head. “There’s a reason you feel compelled to shift on the full moon. It’s nature’s way of ensuring that shifters shift. You need it. The same way you need oxygen.”

“I haven’t shifted in a long time,” I admitted. “And I’m fine.”

“You might be fine now, but you can’t deny that long term. It’s going to have serious repercussions,” she said.

I’d never heard that before, though it wasn’t like anyone knew I was taking the potion.

“Is this about getting me to run with the pack?” I asked.

“What? Why would I care if you ran with the pack?”

“Luke came by this morning and asked if I wanted to,” I said.

“Because shifters have to shift. And they are more fulfilled when they do it with a group,” she said. “How have you not been doing that for so long? Don’t you feel off?”

“No,” I replied.

“I’m not a shifter, but I grew up here, and I’ve seen some things,” she said. “I was also taught that shifters need to shift.”

“I really didn’t ask for your judgment,” I said.

“Even if I wanted to make you a potion like that, I don’t know how,” she admitted.

My chest tightened, and anxious flutters spread through me. I couldn’t risk shifting here. I was terrible at it and didn’t want anyone to know that weakness. Plus, I hadn’t been in a heat cycle in years, so I had no idea when that would happen. The last thing I needed was to end up in bed with some random shifter from another pack.

“Listen, there are so many reasons I need this. My friend Jasmine always makes it for me. Maybe you could swing by and get me a jar? Just bring it here?” I’d need another dose by the time the full moon arrived or there was a very good chance my wolf would force the shift.

“You really don’t know, do you?” she asked.

“Know what?” I demanded.

“What happens if a shifter doesn’t shift. It’s not pretty.”

“I told you, I’ve been doing this a long time and I’m fine,” I said.

“I know you don’t know me, but I like you. I don’t think you’re involved in this shit with your dad,” she said.

“Um, thanks, I guess.” I wasn’t ready to drop my guard around her, but I did like her. I could see us being friends if the circumstances were different.

“But I’m not going to help you not shift. You need to shift. Trust me on this,” she said.

“That shouldn’t be up to you,” I said.

“Did you know any wolves who held back their inner animal?” she asked.

I considered. “No.”

“That’s because if you don’t let that creature out, it will die. And if that part of you dies, it leads to terrible things. A shifter can’t live long beyond the loss of their inner beast, but in the time they have without it, they go mad,” she said. “How do you not know this?”

“It’s never come up,” I said.

“They don’t teach you this is shifter school?” she asked.

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