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36
Annie
“Explain it to me again.” Beth’s rocking Cecilia and can’t hear me over the soothing machine. Seriously, didn’t our parents survive without all these newfound gadgets? Are they really necessary?
“He didn’t even present my idea.” I rock myself on the floor of Cecilia’s room, my arms around my knees.
“I thought things were good. Why didn’t he tell you?”
“You tell me.”
She walks to the crib, lays Cecilia down, then signals for me to leave. “You know what I really think?”
We walk toward the family room and I fall into her couch. “I don’t know, do I? Are you on his side?”
She hits me to sit up and give her room. I crawl into the corner of the couch, chewing on my nails. “I’m always on your side, even when you’re wrong. Let me ask you a question. Why are you so mad?”
I throw my hands in the air. Has she not been listening to me for the past hour? “He lied to me.”
“He omitted.”
“Same thing.”
“Not entirely. If you weren’t banging him, would you have expected him to go with your ad idea?”
I narrow my eyes. “Where are you going with this?”
“Just answer the question.”
“Yes, I would have. We agreed to show three ads.”
“And I agree he should’ve told you, but I want you to think about why you’re really mad because I think…” Her mouth twists in a way that says she doesn’t want to actually tell me, but I’ve cornered her.
“Oh my God, just say it.”
“I think you were waiting for him to disappoint you.” She stands and heads to the kitchen as though she’s afraid of what I’ll do.
I follow her anyway. “Why would I do that? He’s been great. I know it might be hard for you to believe, but he’s been all over me. He wants to spend more time together than I do.”
She digs a bag of chips out of the pantry. “You mean more time than you’re willing to agree to.”
The audacity of this woman. “What, did he pay you to act like this toward me? Point the finger my way? I know he has a way of buttering people up, but you’re my blood. My sister.” My voice is rising.
“Shh, you’ll wake Cecilia.” She hands me a Diet Coke, and we both head back to the couch. “Let’s face it. You’ve always had this I’m-not-good-enough chip on your shoulder. I get that Mom leaving affected us differently, but you hold it like a badge of honor that you’ve kept Enzo at arm’s length.”
“I was guarding my heart. He was a manwhore before me.”
“Was he though? We don’t really know if he was. He might not have wanted a relationship, but you don’t know if he used women. The fact that he’s torn his shirt open and let his heart fall out for you doesn’t really align with that theory.”
I look at the pop can in my hands and back at her. “I guess I thought you’d be on my side here.”
Her shoulders slump. “I am. I’m always on your side, but I think you’ve pushed your issues with Mom away for so long, it’s affecting your current relationship. So she woke up one day and realized she didn’t want to be a mother. Newsflash, she probably never wanted to be one but found herself in an unhappy life with Dad and two daughters. Was leaving us shitty? Hell yeah. I can’t imagine ever leaving Cecilia. But she left us with Dad, the kindest, most loving man who raised us well.” She slides over and places her hand on my thigh.
I don’t know why Beth has to bring up something so crappy when I’m already drowning in betrayal from the man I was… whatever. “This thing with Enzo has nothing to do with Mom.”
“Why did you come up with that rule for how many weeknights you could spend together?”
“Because it was all new and…” Tears well up in my eyes and I swallow them back.
