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36
Bella
Two weeks and six therapy sessions later, a small amount of peace has returned to my life. A lot of it has to do with the fact that my offender has been charged.
Carm has taken it upon himself to be my savior. He’s moved my office into his, making us share office space. Not that I’ve been there. Max is handling it all for me.
I threw myself in therapy after the attack, since that’s what helped me last time. Today I’m purposely going back to the office without Carm knowing, because I have to do some of these things by myself.
We haven’t even talked about what we are to one another, although I did smile when the detective referred to him as my boyfriend.
I use my key. Besides getting the door fixed, I made everyone promise not to touch anything inside. The detectives just closed the case, so the yellow tape is off, and I step in. The smell of blood is the first thing that hits me. Then the disarray of the desk. The struggle comes back to me. I’m not sure how long I would’ve lasted without Carm coming to the rescue, though I do feel some satisfaction that I cut him with the letter opener.
“What the hell?” Carm’s voice booms from behind me. “What are you doing? You shouldn’t be in here.” He storms in.
“I’m good. I had to see it.”
“Why do you keep torturing yourself?” he asks, desperation lacing his words.
He’s questioned it many times. Every time I bring up what happened, he doesn’t understand why I want to talk about it. But talking helps. When something pops into my mind, I talk about it. Or when I cut myself shaving and the blood dripped down my leg like it did on the guy’s arm when I first pierced his skin, I talk about it. The therapist says it’s good that I’m willing to talk about it. That it’s a big part of why I’m doing better than last time.
“It helps me put it all behind me.” I walk across the broken glass. “What are we going to do with this space? I have to clean it up and—”
“No. I’m putting my foot down on that.”
I can’t help but grin at his stubbornness. He wants to rule my life right now. Although he hasn’t said it, I can feel it in his actions and the words he does say—Carmelo Mancini loves me. And I love him too.
But I don’t want those words to be tied to what happened here, so I keep them to myself. I want the memory of us speaking those words for the first time to be untainted. It’s why I’ve decided to go to the Hamptons this weekend. We need to start fresh.
“I’m not talking about moving back in here, but someone has to.”
“I told the landlord that I’ll pay to get everything fixed up, then he can rent it out.” He holds out his arms, and I walk into them. He kisses my forehead.
Another great thing about Carm is that he always has to be touching or hugging me. We haven’t slept together or even snuggled in bed since the attack. He’s given me distance and comfort—two things I need right now. Who would’ve ever thought a selfish prick like him would be just what I need?
“Come on. Show me my new place.”
“I thought you’d never ask.” He grins at me.
We walk across the hall, and I see the shiny new sign on the door.
Mancini Real Estate & Scott FSBO Brokerage.
“My name on the door seems a little permanent,” I say as he pushes open the door.
“Because you’re a permanent fixture in my life.” He shuts the door behind me and meets my gaze. “Tell me I’m a permanent fixture in yours. I haven’t wanted to press the issue. I’m sorry about lying, and I swear to you I never will again. You’re the one for me, and I’ll never jeopardize that again.”
I laugh as my forehead falls into his chest. “Yeah, we’re getting there, but I don’t see you going anywhere either.”
He wraps me up in his arms, and I feel the tension leave his body.
That weekend in the Hamptons, I take him to the beach as the moon is high in the sky and reflecting off the ocean. I thank him for everything he’s done for me. And I start to say I love him, but he presses his finger to my lips. Before I can finish, he says the words, beating me in true Carm fashion.
We seal our new love with a kiss, and that night, he slides in under the covers and cuddles me. I’ve never felt more safe, secure, and loved.
