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“Yes.”
“And what about you? How do you feel?”
“More than I thought I did. I’m an imbecile, actually. I didn’t see it before. I thought she was too young. Plus, she’s your little sister.”
“Age differences between men and women aren’t that unusual, James. It’s not as much of a gap as Li and I have.”
“Have you ever doubted your decision?” I shifted to look at her.
“No, never. Li and I are…everything to the other. There was no choice, really, unless we wanted to be miserable. But as you recall, it took some convincing on his part. He didn’t want me to suffer because of him. His error was in thinking I would rather have it easier in the world without him than with him.”
I draped myself over the fence and peered down into the grass. “There’s no point in discussing any of this, really. I have to marry Lena.”
She twisted the strings attached to her hat. “Lena’s crafty, putting it in the paper. Is that her or her father?”
“They’re one and the same,” I said. “With a shared interest.”
“I don’t want Addie hurt,” Fiona said.
“I don’t want that either. I’ve been clear with her that I’ll never be free. She understands. You know how she is, serenely wise. After this summer, I’ll go back with Lena and do what’s needed of me, and Addie will stay here and marry some strong mountain man and live happily ever after.” My throat constricted at the thought.
“As long as she knows, there’s not much you can do about her heart, I suppose. As much as I wish she could be rid of these feelings so easily, we all know that wishing won’t make it so.”
My feelings, too,I thought.My stupid, misguided heart.
10
ADDIE
A week spedby with James and me working closely together on the manuscript. He was careful to stay far away from me. We never touched or even breathed the same air. It was as if the kiss never happened. I would have the moment, though. Forever. No one could ever take it from me.
The morning the Masterses were supposed to arrive, a thunderstorm shook our little part of the world. I suspected God had quite the sense of humor and not much subtlety when it came to story settings. A storm? How appropriate. It mimicked my tumultuous thoughts only too well.
I was in the sitting room working when James came in dressed for the train. He and Papa were going together to pick them up. The guest rooms had been made up by the maids. As much as I wished they would stay at the inn, my mother’s good manners wouldn’t allow it. “James is our family,” she’d said to me last night before bed. “We have to welcome his soon-to-be in-laws.”
“Yes, Mama.”
“And Addie,” she’d said, before I walked into my bedroom, “please, darling, be kind to yourself and stay away from them. It will only hurt worse to see them together. Throw yourself into your work.”
I’d promised I would and then gone into my room, flopped on my bed, and cried myself to sleep. Regardless, I’d dressed carefully this morning in a dress I normally saved for parties. This Lena would be dressed in Paris fashion, I felt certain. I glanced out the window at the rain pounding the grass and wished for her hat to be ruined the moment she disembarked from the train. I’d resigned myself to pettiness and jealousy. I didn’t have to like it even if I did have to accept it, and I certainly wasn’t going to go out of my way to engage with a woman who had trapped James into marriage. I couldn’t even muster up an ounce of guilt over my evil thoughts, either. I’d been good all my life, and the only thing I’d ever wanted would be taken from me. A bitterness had crept into my soul. So be it. This was me now, preparing for my life as an old maid.
Despite all this, I smiled at James. The way his face lifted my spirit would never change. Even when he was married to Lena. “Papa will be down momentarily,” I said. “Jasper said he was running a few minutes late.”
James pulled his watch from his pocket. “We have plenty of time before the train arrives. I wanted to make sure we had a moment alone before I left. I wanted to see how you are.”
“I’m fine,” I said. “I’m a Barnes. Tougher than we look.”
“I know what you’re made of.” His blue eyes captured mine and wouldn’t let go. I had to force myself to look away.
A bolt of lightning lit up the sky, followed by thunder so loud it shook the house. “Goodness,” I said.
“God isn’t big on subtext,” James said.
I laughed. “That’s exactly what I was thinking a few minutes ago.”
“If I were his editor, I’d say it was a little on the nose.”
“Yes.” I set my pen back in the ink bottle and stood. I’d been writing longhand, hoping to capture the right words before using the typewriter.
