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He made a vague sound of agreement; then his brow furrowed when he looked up at me again. “There could be trouble.”
“Trouble?”
“Ronan isn’t the only one with a chip on his shoulder. The clan will want to talk to us. If we’re lucky, they’ll wait until dusk.”
And if not, I thought silently, they’d pull us out of the house in daylight, and that would be it for me.
“It’s also possible the creatures will come back, will target us specifically. I’ve asked Alexei to check for trails, see if locations can be identified, to see if broken magic can be identified around the resort. And in the meantime, I’ll be listening. They won’t hurt you.”
But again he didn’t reach out, and that was another small wound.
“Get some sleep,” he said. “Tomorrow we’ll deal with what comes next.”
Having been dismissed again, and totally unsure of my steps,I walked back to the bedroom, closed the door, and sat down on the bed. And felt more alone than I ever had before. Alone and guilty and afraid that by trying to do something good, I’d screwed up something I’d never imagined I’d want.
I’d be damned if I’d apologize to Ronan or the clan for doing what had to be done. But I was an adult, and I understood my actions would have consequences, fair or not. Those consequences left a dark pit of fear in my belly.
Connor had said we’d deal with what came next, but that wasn’t enough for me, not with this. I didn’t know how to move forward, given what I’d done. So I pulled out my screen and contacted the one person I knew who’d been in my position before. Who’d changed someone because circumstances demanded it. And had dealt with the aftermath.
It took only a moment for his face to appear on-screen, and the mere sight of him made my eyes fill with tears. “Hey, Dad.”
His eyes brightened. “Hello, Lis.” But as he scanned my face, the smile fell away. “What’s wrong?”
“I changed someone.” I held back the tears, but it was a battle and nearly cost me the rest of my strength.
My father’s expression remained perfectly blank. He was good at that—masking his emotions until he’d heard all the facts, or reached his decision, or considered his next steps. “Tell me what happened.”
I told him about the trip, the animals, Loren’s death and the tracks we’d found, the attack on the bonfire. And Carlie, pale and bleeding on the ground.
“She’d gone gray, and her heart was... a whisper. I couldn’t stanch the wound, so I did the only thing I could think of.”
“And the circle turns,” he murmured. “She’s all right?”
“For now. We’ll see what happens in a few days. She’s with Ronan, although he’s not happy about bearing that burden. He’s also angry I changed her without his consent or the clan’sconsent. He’s worried at least in part about the human response, I think. Suggested it would have been smarter to let her die and save his coven the trouble. One life for the many.”
“That’s very old-fashioned,” he said. “But he’s not the only vampire who shares that attitude.”
I nodded, was suddenly so tired, and not just because the sun was probably tracing the horizon.
“Do you want me to tell you that you did the right thing?”
So much,I thought. So much it made my chest ache. “Yes.”
“You did the right thing,” he said, his answer coming quickly. “But that doesn’t mean there won’t be consequences. And those can be the hardest consequences to bear—the ones we face because we’ve done the right thing, the hard thing.”
“I know,” I said.
My father nodded. “After I changed her, your mother was angry at me for a very long time. She had lived her entire life under the thumb of her parents. When she’d gone to college, then graduate school, she’d gained some independence. Particularly when she came back to Chicago. For the first time, she was able to live in her town on her own terms. And I ruined that for her. Took away her independence, at least as far as she saw it.”
“You saved her life,” I said, and knew immediately he’d led me right to that statement, and I’d followed right along.
“I did,” he said. “But I also took something away. Both of those things are true. And, frankly, it took me too long to acknowledge my part in it. To understand what she’d lost. It had been a long time since I’d been human, since I’d felt the threat of time in quite the same way. You’re younger, and you’d understand that better than a four-hundred-year-old vampire. That’s one of your strengths.”
I nodded, but didn’t feel especially strong right now. Not when adrenaline had given way to self-doubt. “I know I’ve hurt Carlie, even if I didn’t mean to. I’ve changed her life. And the thought that she might hate me for doing it bothers me.”
“It’s a complex situation, with a lot of gray and not much black-and-white.” A corner of his mouth lifted. “You do generally prefer things to be black-and-white.”
“It’s easier to know whether you’ve done the right thing—or someone else has—when it’s black-and-white.”
