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I’m not naïve enough to believe that there is a life for me outside of Ji-hoon. He’s probably amassed several friends, and his position within the Keep will surely be valued greater than mine, a housewife.
But that doesn’t mean I can’t gain some autonomy. Maybe the next time that woman…Selina? comes over, I’ll say yes.
I think I’d rather like that. I wish the dictionary was better suited for adults because I doubt Selina would like to talk about dolls, but it’s better than nothing.
I squat to give Duri and Hyun kisses on their cheeks.
“We get to learn how to churn butter today!” Duri says excitedly.
I smile. “Maybe you can bring some home for our bread.”
“Or you could come for snack time. Jayne’s mom is there a lot. I hear she’s going to have a baby! The other kids don’t have moms, so Eva gives them a lot of attention. I heard that three of the boys sleep in her room, even though she’s not their real mom!”
“Maybe she is their real mom now, but wasn’t before.”
“Is that possible? Because if it is,” he leans towards me to whisper into my ear, “I’d want Trent to be my dad.”
I feel sick that my boy should have this thought, but there is only one person to blame for it: Ji-hoon.
Duri puts his finger in front of his lips, indicating that he knows better than to say that to others.
I give him a nod.
Ji-hoon exits the bathroom and walks over to the door, not bothering to say a word. The boys know better than to talk to him.
Once they’ve left, I pull out the dictionary and pour myself a cup of coffee.
It feels odd being in such a civilized place. Everything is immaculate, and the appliances are top-of-the-line.
The biggest drawback is being below the surface of the earth. Without windows, it almost feels like I’m on a submarine out in the middle of the sea.
Duri told me there is a part of the Keep that is aboveground. “There’s a playground and grass, and animals,” he’d said, which confuses me because there are also places for animals down below as well. Perhaps it’s a redundancy in case one part of the Keep has issues. I wish I could learn more about the place, but every time I ask Ji-hoon a question, he sneers, like I’ve just said something stupid.
For a long time, I thought that perhaps that’s just how Americans acted, and Ji-hoon took on their personality, but after meeting Trent and a handful of his people, however briefly, I’m reasonably certain I am wrong.
I memorize how to say all the different articles of clothes in English so I can compliment someone when I see something I like. I’ve already learned all the animals in the book and the different types of weather.
Just as I start my second cup of coffee, I hear the door open. I look over to see Ji-hoon step into the apartment.
He usually comes home six hours from now, to drop off the kids before returning to his lab. His returning early needles my anxiety.
He’s not one to forget something, so his presence sets me on edge. He will not like that I’m studying Duri’s dictionary, but it’s too late to hide it.
Without a word, he walks over to pour his own cup of coffee, then takes a seat at the table across from me, setting down a notepad and pen.
With a blank expression, he pushes the notepad and pen over to me.
“Since you like practicing your English so much, I have something for you to write.”
I force a smile. “Ohhhh? And what’s that?”
“Your suicide note.”
My jaw drops. Surely I must have misheard him. He must be joking…
But the look on his face suggests otherwise.
He doesn’t just hate me. He wants me dead.
