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Chapter Twenty-Nine
*Dax*
Poe held me while Ifell apart. I had buried my feelings deep they had fused into my metal core. The guilt and pain I had carried had torn me apart turning my systems into nothing but shreds. And all the while I had kept the smile on my face. I had to. The others had gone through far worse. They didn’t need to deal with my emotions on top of it. Over the years I had pushed myself to do better, to be better. I gave the cyborgs whatever they needed to make if for the fact I hadn’t been able to protect them.
I should have refused to give the Global Allegiance access to my intelligence, not preen for them because I had bought the lies that I was special. I should have found a way to stop them from dragging my cyborgs away and wiping me from their memories. They hadn’t only torn them away from Dr. Shaw, they had torn them away from me as well.
Reaper. Viper. Dash. Acer. Rust. Hester. Brone. I was there when the lights in their eyes had flashed with life for the first time. When they took them away they promised them that where they were going was someplace new and wonderful. Most of them had hesitated at first, but they had been comforted by my agreement that it was true. At the time I had believed it, buying the lies the Global Allegiance had spun, convinced by their kind treatment of me that what they said had been the truth.
Dash had been the only one who outright refused to leave me. He told me I was his friend and became distraught over the fact he might never see me again. Service Models were programmed to seek out others, to form relationships. If you ask him, he won’t remember that day. They wiped him of that memory. I helped, convinced that it would be better for him to be happy with his next adventure then be sad over losing me.
After we were free, I discovered that they had wiped everyone except Acer. None of the others remembered my involvement with bringing them into the world. I never brought it up, because I didn’t want to add to their grief. I accepted the way they treated me like a freak and internalized all the anger they harbored for me.
Every cyborg knew the story of the great and brilliant Dax.
They despised me for it, and I let them.
Now with Poe’s arms around me, I vowed no more. No more guilt. No more shame. I tore it from my frame like a faulty piece of circuitry, replacing it with the knowledge the female of my dreams didn’t require perfection. Poe required me to simply beme.She would stand beside me even when I was nothing more than a mess of wires and emotionally damaged parts.
“Thank you.” I lifted my head from her shoulder and she immediately started to brush away all the lingering fluid from my face. The fluid is dark, not clear like human tears, and it stains her fingers as she works on removing every trace.
I capture her hand. “I have created something that will help.” I slipped out of her arms digging a bottle out of my desk along with a cloth. “A bottle of it was always sent with a cyborg after they were purchased. People who bought the Service Models especially didn’t want their model discolored for a period of time.”
I tipped a bit of the contents onto the cloth and reached for her hand. I took my time, cleaning each finger, returning her skin to it’s normal hue. “The Global Allegiance told people that they weren’t really tears, just simply an unsightly mechanical fluid leak that occurred sometimes.” I traced her now clean fingers one by one, mapping the lines etched into her palms. “Cyborgs aren’t supposed to cry.”
Poe held out her hand and gestured to the cleaning solution and the cloth. I dropped them both into her waiting hand. With careful motions she started to clean the fluid off from around my eyes. “The Global Allegiance were a bunch of evil bastards.” She moved on to my cheeks, wiping in slow and gentle circles. “They had no heart, Dax. Cyborgs were given ones too big for their frames. All of you should have been treated with the love and care you deserved. You included, Dax.” She pressed a kiss to each cheek. “And you cancry. You can scream, rage, toss a battle axe on your back and go out and avenge your brothers and sisters if you feel like you must. But no moreguilt. No more, Dax.Youtrusted in them because you didn’t know any different. A brilliant mind doesn’t equate to life experience. You had none, Dax. You only had what they fed you. And you have spent all the years of your freedom trying to make up for that and for the pain you knew your other cyborgs had suffered at their evil hands.”
Her hazel eyes flashed. “You can’t change their past, but you damn sure are changing theirfuture.”
Chapter Thirty
*Poe*
Dax had started tochange everything. I had watched the trust Acer put in him to take care of Marley and Ever. I had heard the way he had stood up to Reaper, telling him all the things he had done for him, his son, and his female. All the ways he had repaired broken cyborgs and worked tirelessly on ways to improve their lives.
He never asked for a thank you. Never demanded they give him something in return for the things he did. Every person I had met was so grateful to have him home. Their eyes lit up the moment they had seen him, joy written on their faces. He hadn’t even noticed. The guilt and shame had kept him from seeing how much they loved him.
Kept him from seeing how much I loved him. And I do love him. Helplessly and hopelessly. Seeing the part of Dax he had kept hidden had claimed the tiny final piece of my heart that I had been holding back. The Dax I had plastered on my walls as a young girl couldn’t compare to the man I had found when took a risk and snuck into the woods.
