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We’ve run out of words. I have no need for them. I just need to keep fucking her like this until I have nothing left. And that’s what I do. I thrust into her over and over again, driving myself to the brink. There’s a small, nagging voice in the back of my mind that I need to stop before it goes too far. But before I can think it through, Katerina leans up and drags her teeth down my throat. That feeling travels straight down my spine and explodes into my dick. I’m not thinking straight when I bury myself inside her with a grunt, releasing what feels like a metric ton of pressure from my balls.
Fuck.
I blink and look down at her, and I think she knows we fucked up too, but neither of us can acknowledge it. Or at least that’s what I believe … until she speaks.
“It’s okay.”
I collapse into her and wonder how she knows it’s okay. Is she on birth control? I can’t voice my concerns. But she must be if she’s giving me her assurances, right? The alternative is too terrifying to imagine, so I let myself believe her. I’m still inside her, and she isn’t asking me to get off. So, I kiss her. I kiss the hell out of her. And pretty soon, that kiss evolves into something else, reigniting a need I never knew I had. I take her two more times before the sun comes up, and we finally collapse into a coma in front of the fire.
At some point during the night, my body curls around hers, and she sighs against me as though it’s exactly what she needs. It feels right, but I know everything will change when we wake again. My suspicions prove correct when I hear her mumbling something in her sleep, and it pulls me back to consciousness.
Her expression is pained, and it looks like a war is raging in her head as she murmurs the name again.
“Joshua.” Her body tenses, and it’s obvious she’s having a nightmare, but all I can think about is who the fuck Joshua is.
I watch her for several minutes, waiting for it to pass, but it never does. That’s when I notice another scar on her temple. I hadn’t seen it before because of her hair, and it feels like another secret. This girl has proven to be full of them. When she jerks awake, she catches me staring, and the resulting shame is written all over her face. She drags a handful of hair down to obscure the scar, and I can’t figure out why it bothers me so much. Last night she was open for me, and today, she is closed.
“You were having a nightmare,” I observe.
“I was?” She blinks.
“Who is Joshua?” I ask before I can think about all the reasons I shouldn’t.
In a split second, Katerina shuts the question down with a shake of her head. “Nobody.”
Nobody. It doesn’t feel like nobody as she scrambles to her feet and grabs her clothes.
“I need to use the bathroom,” she says.
I nod, and she disappears down the hall as I stumble to my feet and find my jeans. She’s lying to me, and if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s dishonesty. But then I remind myself it’s none of my goddamned business. That was the plan, right?
In the light of day, everything is clear again. I don’t know this girl. Not really. And I can’t afford to get to know her. However those scars came to be, I can’t fix that for her. I can’t slay her demons when I have my own. The best thing I can do for both of us is take her home and tell her goodbye. That’s the only logical conclusion. Every other path is a recipe for disaster.
I’m no good for her, and she’s definitely no good for me. Not with the type of life I lead. Her absence serves as a reminder of that, and by the time she’s returned, she notices the cold front when she finds me in the kitchen.
“You have somewhere you need to be?” she asks, noting that I’ve put on my jeans.
“I’ll make you some breakfast,” I tell her. “And then I’ll take you home.”
5
Kat
I wrap my scarf around my neck as I take a seat at his kitchen table.
“You cold?”
I try for a smile that doesn’t quite work and shake my head. “Just don’t want to forget it again,” I say as I pick up the mug of black coffee he puts in front of me. He doesn’t sit down.
He’s different this morning. Distant. Not quite cold but not really here either.
“I can catch a bus—”
“I’ll take you home after you eat,” he cuts me off with barely a glance over his shoulder.
