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“You’re insane.” She shakes her head.
I lean down into her face, my lips a whisper away from hers. “Only because you make me so.”
She closes her eyes and shivers, and I wrap my fist with her hair as I drink from her lips again. This time, the fight has gone out of her, and as much as she might want to declare me a monster, her body says otherwise.
“I bet if I were to drag my fingers through your pussy right now, you’d be soaked for me.”
She shakes her head, her lips too weak to deny it. But it doesn’t matter because I can smell her arousal. I grind my dick against her hip, and she makes a sound in her throat that tempts me beyond reason.
“Tell me you haven’t thought of this,” I whisper into her ear. “Tell me you haven’t missed this.”
“I haven’t,” she lies through her teeth. “In fact, I have a boyfriend now.”
“Who? That fuckface Luke?” I bite her neck, and she freezes at the mention of his name. “Yeah, nice try, sweetheart. I know you don’t spread your legs for him. It would be hard for you, considering you could only ever think of me.”
I wait for her protest, but it doesn’t come. And the notion that I might be right has me so goddamned hard I could fuck her for two days straight and never be satisfied. My fingers slip down between her jeans and panties, and she shakes her head, suddenly frantic.
“Not while I’m handcuffed. Please, Lev.”
When I glance at her face, the fear there is real. And it’s enough to douse me with cold water. I drag my hand out of her jeans and force her chin up, so she has to look at me.
“Tell me why.”
“I’m afraid you’re going to hurt me.” Her body shakes under the weight of her confession, and it kills me.
“Then don’t make me.” I unlock the handcuffs and rub her wrists before I lie down beside her and tug her against my body.
For a second, she doesn’t move or even breathe. But when I wrap my arm around her waist and bury my face in her hair to inhale her, she finally lets some of the tension bleed from her body.
15
Kat
I close my eyes, and for the first time in four years, I feel myself relax. A tear slides over the bridge of my nose and drops onto the bed, and I give myself over to it, to letting go. It’s just for a minute, I tell myself. Just one minute.
Lev can’t be a part of Josh’s life. He’s a mobster. Him being in Josh’s life means Josh becomes a part of that world, even if Lev doesn’t want that, and I’m not sure what he wants. It just can’t happen.
But for one minute, I can let him hold me. I just need this little sliver of time.
He feels good at my back. Solid. And part of me wishes I could stay. Could let him stay.
All my life, I’ve relied on myself. I don’t remember my mother. I have nothing of hers, not a single photo, not one thing to even pretend I remember. To create a memory. I remember my first years in foster care, though. And the ones that followed and got progressively worse.
I was a throwaway kid. Not one person gave a single damn about me. That’s why I ended up in juvenile detention when they knew who was truly guilty. When they knew what Robert George was doing and would continue to do if I hadn’t sunk that knife into his gut.
But I guess sealing my records was enough to alleviate their guilt of locking me up.
Not that it mattered. Another home or detention. At least in detention I didn’t have to pretend. I was treated like a criminal, but at least I was left alone. No one fucked with me there. Not the guards and not the other kids.
But that’s all past and feeling Lev behind me now, feeling his strong arm tighten around my middle, I know he can keep me safe. And he may even want to. Or think he wants to.
If Josh wasn’t in the picture, would he want to then, I wonder. But I don’t let myself go down that road. Instead, I have to think about Josh.
I feel Lev’s body relax behind me. He’s not gripping me.
If I’m quick, I can get out. Knock him out long enough to get back to the school, get Josh, and get out.
Josh will be upset not to have his things, but I’ll fix that later. I have no choice because I can’t allow the alternative.
“I need to use the bathroom.” I roll backward a little, and my belly quivers at the feel of him behind me. It’s like my body remembers. And I think about something. About when we were together.
