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48
Rowan
Ishould go home after landing in Chicago, but I tell my driver to take me to my father’s place. After everything that happened after Zahra’s presentation, I’ve had something bugging me. It took me an entire flight to realize I have unfinished business to settle before I can finally move on.
The pressure I’ve placed on my own shoulders to live up to some unattainable goal of proving my father wrong has poisoned enough of my life. I wanted him to recognize my worth for years when he couldn’t even see past his own misery. And now I’m done. I’m letting go of that boy who wanted to be seen by the entirely wrong person.
I press the doorbell with one gloved finger. It takes my father a few minutes to open the door to his townhouse on the edge of the city.
His eyes widen behind his glasses. “Rowan. Come on in.” He opens the door.
I take a moment to assess him. His eyes seem clear and sober, and his breath lacks the distinct smell of whiskey that I’ve grown to pair with his drunken outbursts.
I guess he’s sober enough to get through this conversation.
I hold up my hand. “That’s not necessary. I have a couple of questions to ask you.”
His brows knit together, but he nods anyway. “Okay.”
“Do you think Mom would be proud of the man you’ve become since she died?”
My father’s mouth drops open. I don’t think I’ve seen him look surprised like this before. The color leaches out of his already pale face, making him look ghostly.
A heavy gust of wind blows toward us, snapping him out of whatever thoughts he had.
“No. I don’t.” His head bows.
“Why did you change?”
“Because I was an angry, pathetic man who wanted to drown everyone in my grief so they could feel hurt like I hurt.”
I blink at him, caught completely off guard by his candid answer. Out of all the responses I considered, the words he spoke never even made it on the list.
He sighs as if this conversation is draining him of all his energy. “Any other questions?”
“Do you regret falling in love with my mother?”
“Not at all.”
I could have sworn he would say yes. How could he not after all the pain he clearly went through? “Why not?”
“You’ll learn that the best rewards come with the biggest consequences. Because nothing that great is given for free.” He shuts his eyes.
If a man like him would do it all over again, that’s all I needed to hear. Because if he would relive decades of grief knowing it would result in the same outcome, then there’s something about love that must be worth the pain.
I made a huge mistake based on a complete lie I told myself year after year. I spent my entire life thinking love makes people powerless, and it does. My father is living proof of that. Love does make people helpless, but only because they willingly accept it. Because to love someone else means to trust them enough to not abuse the power they have over you.
Despite how Zahra might feel about me, I trust her. I trust her with my whole damn heart and my future. There’s not a pros or cons list in the world that could keep me away from her anymore.
I know what I have to do. The decision comes easy, relieving some of the tension pressing against my chest like an anvil.
I nod. “That’s all I needed to know.” I turn and leave my father gaping at my back, finally ditching the final weight holding me back from moving on with my life.
Now I need to break the news to my brothers.
* * *
Declan scoops up another forkful of mashed potatoes like I didn’t tell him I’m not coming back to Chicago after the vote. “No.”
