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Whatever I said snaps her out of her thoughts. “Oh my God. You actually think a gingerbread house is going to make things better?”
Shit.“Well, no. But I remember you mentioning how much you liked them, and—”
She holds her hand up. Her face is all scrunched up as if she is in pain talking to me. My nauseous stomach sinks into dangerous territory. I’m tired of being sick to my stomach. It makes me feel disgustingly pathetic and in the mood to wallow, and I despise any sort of self-pity.
“Rowan,youended things withme. We can’t just pick up where we left off and pretend to go back to something casual.”
“Good because I don’t want anything casual anymore.”
Her eyes shine. “You’re only doing all this because of the vote.”
I release a frustrated breath. “I’m not doing this for a damn vote. If you want to vote against me, then do it. Hell, I encourage you to, as long as you give me a chance to explain myself.”
Her mouth pops open before closing again.
I reach out to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear. “I mean it. Go ahead and do what feels right. The vote is the last thing on my mind right now. You’re more important.”
Her head drops as she takes a deep breath. She looks back up at me with watery eyes, and it pierces me straight in the chest. “I wish I could believe you. I really do. But I’m tired of giving people all the chances in the world, only for them to realize I’m not worth it in the end. Because I am, and no one is going to convince me otherwise anymore. Not even you. I don’t want to be used for entertainment whilepassing the time, just like I don’t want to be labeled as somemistake.” Her words are laced with hurt, and it only fucks me up more inside.
I regret ever saying those things to her. When I broke things off with her, I thought I was doing the right thing before it got out of control. Truth is, it already was, and I was too stupid to realize it.
I’d rather feel out of control and still have Zahra than whatever the hell this is without her. I can’t go back to the way things were before she entered my life.
“Merry Christmas, Rowan.” She doesn’t bother waiting for my reply as she shuts the door in my face, leaving me behind with a heavy feeling in my chest.
* * *
Zahra ignoring me is nothing but a challenge. I decide the only way to get her attention is to do something ridiculous. And by ridiculous, I mean making the damn gingerbread house myself and sending her a picture. The structure is damaged after falling too many times to count, and the roof keeps sliding off, but I’m committed.
I place the final gumdrop on the roof and grab my phone before the entire thing caves in on itself.
I’m sorry.One of the gumdrops slides off the roof, ruining the letterm. I’m quick to fix it and snap a photo.
I attach the photo to my text chain with Zahra and send it, along with amissing youmessage.
I’m not sure why I expect some acknowledgment back. Maybe I was stupid to hope she would take pity on me doing the whole damn thing by myself.
I was wrong. My text goes unanswered, which only adds to the intense feeling in my chest every time I look over at the stupid house.
None of my strategies are working. If Zahra truly thinks I was only with her because of a damn vote, then I’ll prove to her that I’m here to stay, with or without her approval. That I’ve changed because of her and all the kindness she has shown me over the months.
I can only hope she chooses me in the end.
49
Zahra
Today is the last day I will have to see Rowan’s beautiful, manipulative face ever again. That’s the only thing that keeps me motivated as I walk into the boardroom located within his office suite on Story Street. Everything was coordinated by some Kane employee sworn to an NDA, including the time and place.
I’m the first one to arrive out of the panel, which only adds to my nerves. I pull out my notebook from my backpack and start doodling nonsense to keep my mind occupied.
The door creeks open and Martha strolls in.
“Martha!” I jump up and give her a hug. “Is Mr. Kane asking you to help him set up?”
She shakes her head. “Nope. The late Mr. Kane asked me to be here.”
“Really?”
