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Acid inches up my throat. I swallow, trying to ease the lump, but nothing helps.
How could Rowan lie to me like this? I thought he was safe in a weird kind of way. That his sharp wit and purposeful words meant he was a straight shooter with little time for bullshit.
Oh God.Rowan’s impeccable timing makes perfect sense now. Like when he showed up at my cubicle, offering to buy me takeout food after I told Scott I skipped dinner. It would take me hours to sift through all my memories to connect the dots, but I don’t need to bother. There’s only one conclusion.
I was wrong about Rowan. He’s the worst kind of liar and the type of man who made me believe in a lie for months because of whatever sick game he wanted to play with me.
Wetness clings to my eyes but I blink it away. I don’t have a right to be upset with anyone but myself. It’s my fault I texted a stranger, thinking I could get out of this unscathed. I trusted Scott despite the warning signs I was too stupid to ignore.
Have fun,Claire said to me time and time again.
Be brave,Ani chanted like a war cry.
And for what? This feeling in my chest at the idea of losing something I never had? Screw that.
I shut my eyes as if it can block out everything unfolding before me. “Why?”
Why would you do this?
Why lie to me for months?
Why pretend you cared about me?
So many questions batter my brain, yet I can’t find the words to attack him.
His eyes drop to his fists. “At first, I wasn’t sure about your motives. Texting you was supposed to be a way to make sure you weren’t secretly conspiring against me after our first kiss.”
Is he serious?! “You wanted to spy on me?”
“No. Not spy. I was checking to make sure you were genuine.”
I’m floored by the conversation. I can’t believe he would only talk to me because he wasn’t sure if I would make a scandal out of us. The thought hurts.
He continues. “But I realized I was foolish because you really are this kind-hearted person who wanted to entertain some lonely guy you’d never even met.”
“A person who doesn’t even exist,” I snap.
“I’m him. I swear I never lied to you as Scott besides the obvious. And once I realized the mistake I made, I couldn’t stop. I started looking forward to our conversations, and I knew you would be upset—”
I hold my hand up and shut my eyes. “Stop.”
He doesn’t bother listening. “I never meant for everything to get so…out of control. There were plenty of times I considered admitting the truth because I wanted you to look at me the same way you looked at your damn phone.”
I don’t know what that even means, but I’m not about to ask. “Consider the feeling long gone.”
His brows pull together. “You can’t mean that.”
“Really? What exactly do you feel toward me?”
He rubs his bottom lip with his thumb. “I want to spend more time around you.”
I shove the file toward him. “Your feelings are irrelevant. I don’t care what you want because I’m not open to any of it. This was all a mistake.”
His entire body locks up under his shirt, making the veins in his arms stand out. “I had every intention to stop messaging you, but I couldn’t find the courage to stop.” His declaration rips at my resolve against him.
I take a few deep breaths and consider his level of betrayal.
No. He’s good at lying and saying anything to keep me hooked. No more.
