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“Before then.”
She shook her head, looked down at their joined hands. “You say that now, but you left me, and you only came back for…”
Her words trailed off at the sight of his hands. Specifically, his left hand. More specifically, the gold band that encircled the ring finger. She took his left hand in both hers and studied the ring carefully. It was bigger than hers, of course, but the same gold, with the same patterns etched along its rim.
It matched hers exactly.
“You found your wedding ring,” she said.
“I never lost it. But it meant nothing to me before. Now it means everything: My fidelity and devotion to you.”
“Where was it?”
“Birmingham.”
“Then…” She ran her thumb over the ring and looked up at him. “You got it before. Before you came back. Before I lost the baby.”
A strange new relief filled her. It was not the tragedy that made him love her. He did not come back only for their baby. He came back for her. She had lost their baby, the dream of that child, but she had not lost him too.
“It was in Birmingham that I realized that you matter to me more than anything. Iammarried to you. I don’t mean the vows we said two years ago, or the rings or our names or the paperwork. I mean that I can never leave you, because my heart and soul and body are already married to you, bonded and forged in the furnace like steel. They have been for some time, but I could not see it.”
He lifted her left hand to his, kissed the gold band on her finger.
“In different circumstances, now would be the time when I confess my undying love, get down on my knees, and ask you to marry me. But I’m already on my knees and we’re already married.”
A shaky laugh escaped her. “You always were very efficient.”
“I’m sorry I left you. I’m so, so sorry for all the times I hurt you. I’m sorry I have been such a dreadful husband. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for you. But I vow to be better, and make your life better. And maybe, if I love you hard enough, with everything that I am, in time you will love me too.”
The anguish in his eyes left her amazed. “Joshua, you fool, of course I love you.”
“But you love everything. And you’re stuck with me, so of course you…I mean, I wish you could…That I was…” He closed his eyes briefly, opened them again. “You are very good at loving, but I am very hard to love.”
“Loving you is the easiest thing in the world, and there is nothing I love like I love you.” She spread her hand over his chest, over his heart, felt it beating with all his wild exuberance. “My love for you is as much a part of me as the air that I breathe, which means it will never stop until I do. Which is why I told you that I shall never let you go.”
His eyes searched hers, as if seeking the truth. She saw the moment he surrendered his fear, and allowed himself to be loved. It was followed by a smile, spreading slowly over his face like sunrise, stretching into a grin.
He pressed his forehead to hers. “You said something about tying me up, I believe.”
“I might indeed tie you up,” she warned.
“Mrs. DeWitt! I am shocked!”
She had to laugh, shaky and wondering, with relief as much as joy, and he was chuckling too. They were still laughing when their mouths met. It was not easy to kiss while laughing, and they had to start and stop several times before they figured it out. But figure it out they did.
Then he settled back on the thick rug and she curled into him, her body tired, her heart grieving, and her whole being bathed in joy. His heart beat against her ear, as strong and true as the arms that held her tight.
“I hurt you because I was scared,” he whispered. “I was scared that you would leave me, that if I loved anything again I would lose it, and so from the start I tried to keep you away.”
“You were scared ofmeleavingyou? Oh, what fools we are.” She pressed her face into his chest. “Joshua?”
“My love?”
“I don’t want to be scared anymore.”
“Here’s my idea: I hold onto you and you hold onto me, and we never let go and we never turn away from each other, no matter what happens, however hard it gets.” He briefly squeezed her tight. “Even when the bad things happen, and the bad things will happen.”
“A bad thing happened today.”
