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“What the fuck ever, man. I already told you, it’s not like that, and just because I might want her riding my cock doesn’t mean I’m going to let her. I can handle some blue balls until we finish the job.”
Sully scoffs at that. “You and I both know that when you want something you always get it. And you sure as shit didn’t get your name because of your ability to deal with blue balls.” He offers a sarcastic pat to the shoulder before getting in the lift. I offer him the middle finger just as the doors close.
Eleven
Camryn
Unbelievable! I sit here quietly seething over Blue’s last comment while he sees Rick out, no doubt having a laugh at my expense. I think I should be done with it and become a damn nun. I can feel my libido pitching a fit in the box she’s currently locked up tight in at the thought of never having sex again. Well, good. It’s her fault in the first fucking place and would serve her right.
I always thought any man that tried to control me I’d send packing, and I would have too. Being with Sean changed that, somewhere along the way I let him take charge, and by the time I realised, it was too late, he’d changed. Gone was the loving boyfriend I’d fallen in love with, and in his place stood a man I no longer recognised. A man so full of anger and rage, possessiveness became the definition of our relationship. I remember the first time he hit me, I was so shocked, and he was so remorseful afterwards, that I just put it down to a one-off.
I thoughtI would surprise Sean at the office with lunch and maybe a little dessert too. So, I had dressed myself in my sexiest lingerie and a simple black dress with some killer heels. On the way there I’d contemplated calling ahead to make sure he was free, but decided against it, not wanting to ruin the surprise.
As I exited the lift on his floor, I noticed that Tina wasn’t at her desk, thinking she’d probably gone to lunch I continued to his office. The door was closed, and I could hear voices, that should have been my first clue. As I got closer, I realised it wasn’t voices I could hear but moans and grunts, at one point I even heard the sound of furniture being scraped across the floor. Feeling sick at what I had heard, I raced to the bathroom, emptying my stomach as I reached the toilet bowl.
Once my stomach was empty and the retching stopped, I’d gathered myself together, touched up my make-up, smoothed down my dress and checked my hair in the mirror and attempted to remove all hints of tears from my face, then headed back towards his office. Just as I rounded the corner, Tina was coming out of his office, and I’d watched as he smacked her on the arse before sending her on her way. I’d paused, making sure neither of them saw me. Not wanting to see either of them for fear of what I might do, I had turn-tailed and ran down the fire escape stairs.
When Sean came home that afternoon, I was waiting for him in the kitchen, with my bags packed ready at the front door.
He came in just like any other day, but I knew the instant he’d seen my bags, as I watched his reaction from the doorway.
“Kasey? Kasey, where are you?” he called, repeating it when I still hadn’t answered him. As he made his way to the stairs, he spotted me and instantly changed direction, coming straight for me. “Hey gorgeous, what’s with the bags,” he asked, as he leaned in to kiss me on the cheek. At the last second, I moved out of his reach. He frowned, and confusion covered his face.
“How was your day at the office?” I asked, trying to keep the contempt from my voice, but not doing a very good job. “How’sTina?” And this time I’d let my derision show. Taking a step back I watched the frown turn to a sinister smirk that had made my blood run cold.
“No need to pretend, Kase, I know you came to the office today. It’s a shame you didn’t stick around, you could have joined us. There’s nothing better than having two whores servicing you at the same time,” he sneered.
“Fuck you, Sean! I’m out. I won’t sit around and let you make a fool out of me.” I moved past him, then span back round, “I’m nobody’s whore, you make me sick.” And I stormed towards the front door. I didn’t make it five steps before I was twirled back round, so disorientated that I didn’t have a chance to dodge the palm headed for my face. It landed with a crack, throwing my head to the side. Immediately, I had raised my hand to my face and could feel the burn there. I had been so shocked I just ran upstairs instead of away. Maybe that had been the first nail in my coffin.
That wasthe first time I let a man lay his hands me, and the first time I knew Sean cheated. But they were by no means the last. My thought process at that time was so messed up. I allowed him to sweet talk me, fell for his charms all over again. God, what a fucking fool I am.
It was good for a while after that, until it happened again and again and again. He became angrier, more possessive, and when I found out I was pregnant, I stupidly thought things would change. If anything, they got even worse, hitting me was no longer enough. A shiver runs down my back at the thought. Shaking it off, I focus back in the now.
Blue asserting his authority certainly got my back up, but it’s not the same. I think what irritated and confused me more was I liked it. Maybe Sean took more than my heart, ripping it out, crushing my resolve, breaking my backbone and leaving me a shadow of my former self. He doomed me with some innate attraction to possessive, domineering arseholes for the rest of my life. Destined to become a statistic, just another battered wife, but that’s wrong. With Blue it doesn’t feel like that, and that scares the absolute shit out of me.
Getting up, I walk to the balcony doors taking in the view. The sun sits high in the sky, meaning it must be around midday. My mind is a tumult of emotions that will only get worse over the next few weeks as the anniversary of my mum and daughter’s death approaches.
My beautiful, bright, baby girl, who didn’t deserve to have her life snatched away before it had even begun. The worst part is I can’t even visit her grave or mourn her properly. I can’t do any of that, and I guess in some way, that’s just another way to punish me. That’s what I deserve for bringing her into this world, causing her pain and suffering, even before she was born. I can never absolve myself of the guilt I feel, and I’m okay with that, it can have me. Festering away, writhing inside like maggots in a dead carcass, and reminding me every day of what I have done.
I feel the tears pricking at my eyes, but I don’t let them fall, not again. I’ve already cried enough today.
I know Blue is behind me and has been for the last couple of minutes. I can feel him, sense his every move, hear his breath that has all the tiny hairs on my arms standing to attention. He steps up close, this is becoming a habit, brushing his front against my back, and for a split second I close my eyes and revel in the feel of him there. Then I lock it away, shut down the safe, comforting feeling that he induces in me and spin on my heels to face him.
I lock eyes with him, although I have to crane my neck to do it, “Don’t ever think you have the right to tell me what I will and won’t do again. Do you understand me?” My voice is strong despite my recent thoughts, and I watch a small muscle in his jaw tick before I continue. “I just escaped one domineering arsehole, and I damn well didn’t go through it all to fall into the arms of another.” My last words are punctuated by my finger poking his chest. His all muscle, sexy as fuck chest.Don’t think about it. Move your finger away, don’t do it. I don’t listen. Instead, I push my open palm to the centre of his chest, splaying my fingers over it. I can feel his heartbeat, just as erratic as my own. Our eyes are still locked onto each other, and I see the desire in his eyes. Hell, it’s reflected back in mine.
He takes a step forward, keeps coming until my back hits the window, and then he lifts his hand toward my face, and I flinch. It’s minute but I know he saw it, dropping his hand back to his side.
“Are you done?” he asks, and I nod. “Let’s get one thing straight, don’t ever compare me to that cunt of an ex-boyfriend. I am not nor will I ever be anything like him. I would never lay a finger on a woman. Especially not one that I love.” He pauses, searching my face, for what I don’t know, but he must find it there because he nods and carries on. “When I fuck you, and I will, make no mistake it’s gonna happen, there won’t be a drop of fear in your face, in your eyes or your heart. The only look on your face will be one of pure pleasure as I drive my cock into your tight little pussy, and you’ll love every second. You’ll be begging me to never stop.” And with that he turns away, walking to the lift. “Come on, Bambi, let’s get you home so you can change that sexy little thong I know you’re wearing.”
Holy fuck, shit and damn! I’m fucked. Or I will be, thoroughly so, according to Mr I’m-the-dogs-fucking-bollocks-at-screwing. “Hey, how did you know I was wearing a thong?” I call out as I jog to catch up to him. Out of everything he just said, that’s what I ask?
“Lucky guess,” he calls over his shoulder.
“Perv.”
“And proud I am too. Took me forever to get that title.” He chuckles, as we enter the lift.
“Is that how you get your women? Stalker alert.”
