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“Jamie.” Her name is all I manage before my throat closes up and tears form in my eyes.
“Shit, Cam, what’s the matter,” she rushes out, the panic clear in her voice.
“I’m fine, but I screwed up.” I scoff at the irony of that explanation. “We had sex,” I blurt out.
“Okaaaay, that bad, huh,” she laughs, I shake my head, aware that she can’t actually see me, but my answer is still true. It wasn’t bad at all, and that right there, is the fucking problem. “Cam?” Jamie calls down the phone.
“Sorry. No, it wasn’t bad.”
“So, what’s the problem? Did he hurt you? I’ll fucking gut him if he did!” And I don’t doubt the truth of that threat.
“God, no. Nothing like that.” I pause, unsure of what saying it out loud will mean. “It…It was—argh! It was fucking hot, the best sex I’ve ever had. There I said it. Now what the fuck do I do? I don’t know what to do or say. I’m not the ‘friends with benefits’ type of girl, Jamie, I catch feels too easy, and I can’t—I don’t have room for that right now.”
“Cam, just calm down. I may have only met Blue a few times, but I know guys, and I don’t think you’re just another notch on his bedpost. I’ve seen the way he watches you. Do you like him?” she asks.
I think about that question for second, and whilst I’m not convinced that I’m more than another notch, she’s right, I’ve caught him watching me too, and I do like him. Probably more than I should, and that scares the crap out of me.
I’ve just escaped from a man that spent the last four years abusing me, so how can I fall back into a possible relationship with a man that clearly has demons. I should be running a mile in the other direction, but I find myself wanting to stay, to take a risk. The big question is not whether I like him, or him me, but more about if I’ll survive being broken by another man if I let him in. Will he even want me when he finds out the truth? I don’t know, and I’m unsure whether I can risk it to find out.
“Yeah, but it’s more complicated than that, Jamie. There are things I’ve not told you, not told anyone, and they mean I need to protect myself.”
“I’m not stupid, Cam. I know they’re things you haven’t told me and that’s fine, but you need to know that I’m always here when you’re ready to talk. On the issue of Blue, I think you should take the time you have with him now to figure out exactly how you feel about him. If you trust him enough to open up to him, share your fears, maybe some secrets. You may not be the type to sleep with someone without feeling or trust but the fact you had sex with Blue tells me you trust him on some level already.” As though she can read my mind she says, “You’re not broken, Cam, you’re here, still standing, still fighting. Don’t let your past stop you from taking a risk.”
I let the tears that her words have brought slip down my face freely. This girl who saved me, took me into her home, looked after me, brought back the girl I used to be and who I would give my life for, has slain me with her words. She’s never asked anything of me in return for all that she’s done, and I can’t thank her enough.
“You’re amazing, and I’m so glad to have you as a friend,” I blub down the phone.
“Ahh, don’t be so soppy, or you’ll have me crying too. Now, I assume you’re hiding out in the bathroom, hmmm?” I can picture her raised brow as she says it. “Get yourself tidied up, get out there and enjoy yourself, girl. No paddling the pink canoe for you this weekend.” She chuckles, then the line goes dead.
I hurriedly splash cold water on my face, hopefully removing any signs of my tears, then after relieving myself, I dress back in my work clothes. As I pull my shirt on, I realise the buttons are missing from around halfway. Fucking perfect. Ryder’s magic fingers must have gotten some undone before ripping my shirt from my body. With no other option, I use the two sides of the shirt, tying a knot that rests at my midriff. Making sure that everything is covered, I leave the bathroom in search of Ryder.
As I near the end of the corridor, the sound of voices reaches me. Ryder’s voice is instantly recognisable, and I’m certain the other voice is Russ. I’m conscious that Blue, has now become Ryder to me, and that is another confusing factor of what happened.
I enter the room to find Ryder and Russ standing at the dining table, a bag sits on the table between them. Ryder’s head lifts, locking eyes with me, while Russ continues talking. At Russ’ mention of the flowers, my spine stiffens, but thankfully Russ cuts off when he sees that Ryder’s attention is focused elsewhere. He follows Ryder’s line of sight, looking over his shoulder and spotting me there. A brief look of annoyance crosses his face, I assume at the intrusion, before he smiles.
“Hello, Camryn. I’m glad to see you back on your feet. I was just dropping off an overnight bag for you.”
I look at Ryder in question, but he keeps the mask firmly on his face. “Thank you, that’s very kind,” I say, feeling a little pissed at the idea of a stranger going through my belongings. Clearly, I don’t do a good job of hiding my irritation because Russ informs me that Jamie put the bag together for me.
“Right, is that all, boss?” Russ asks, directing his question to Ryder, who simply nods, “Good, then I’ll see you later.” He turns to me, “I’ll see you soon, Camryn, enjoy your weekend.”
Well, this isn’t awkward in the slightest.
Sixteen
Camryn
After Russ left, we moved to the lounge to wait for the takeaway that Ryder ordered. The tension is palpable, almost unbearable. Deciding I’ve had enough, and I need to clear the air, I tell Ryder I’m sorry for going off at him.
“It’s fine, Cam, you don’t need to apologise. But you damn well best understand that I’m not like your ex. I have never laid a hand on a woman in anger, and I don’t appreciate the comparison, especially as it’s not the first time. Is that clear?” The gruff, commanding tone of his voice sends a sliver of desire through my body, and despite all my best efforts, I can’t help automatically tense my thighs in response. Ryder’s eyes flick to the movement, and his lip curls up in a sexy smirk that has the dimple I like so much appear.
I nod, then mutter, “Bossy bastard,” under my breath. Why I thought it would escape his notice I don’t know.
“Don’t pretend you don’t love it when I get all demanding and bossy. Don’t think I didn’t see the way your thighs clenched together just now. I bet your fucking soaked.” he says, my eyes widening at his dirty talk. He crawls across the sofa towards me, prowling like a damn lion hunting its prey. “I bet if I was to slip inside those knickers of yours, your pussy would be dripping, ready for me to spread you out and feast on you like it’s my last meal.” I scoot further back, until I hit the corner of the sofa, now completely caged in as he reaches me. My breathing picks up, and if I didn’t know the difference, I’d think I was having a panic attack.
All too aware of how close Ryder is, I reach out a hand to stop him, but end up running my fingers up his chest, to his neck, and feel his pulse racing there, just like his tongue did to mine earlier. His hooded eyes, heavy with desire, watch as I bite my bottom lip with a hunger matching his own.
“You can’t hide from your demons, Cam, you have to embrace them. I see the darkness in your eyes, the way it turns you on when I take charge, the way your body responds,” he whispers, his smooth velvety voice is replaced with a deep, devilish tone that has everything in me lit up. He leans forward, and the roughness of his five o’clock shadow grazes my cheek as he places a soft kiss to the spot behind my ear. My hand follows his movement, trailing up and winding into the nape of his neck, my nails biting into the skin there and causing him to groan.
