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Gripping my hair, I let out the scream that’s been building. When my voice is hoarse, I lash out at the stools before me, and they crash to the floor with a clang. Picking up the vase from the counter, I spin and throw it directly at Ryder, he ducks, and it shatters in a shower of glass behind him. I roar out my frustration at missing him before dropping to my knees and hanging my head.
Knees appear on the floor in front of mine as hands grip my face lifting my head until my gaze locks with Ryder’s. My face is a wet mess, a mixture of tears and snot and hair plastered to my cheeks. Ryder’s thumbs brush away the tears on my cheeks, and then he brings his lips to mine in a gentle caress.
“Cam, I’m so fucking sorry.” His blue eyes bore into my watery browns. I see the sincerity he’s so desperately trying to convey and despite how hurt I am by his deception, my hands fist in his shirt, and my pain slowly turns to desire.
Desire for this man, the need to feel his body against mine, and a want so powerful it eclipses everything. I crawl into his lap, straddling his hips and gripping his shoulders as I grind my pelvis against his. His arms snake around me as his lips crash against mine, teeth and tongues clashing together in a blinding battle of control.
I fist his hair, ripping his head back as I nip his jaw, down his throat to the crease of his neck and sinking my teeth in and forcing him to cry out. I do it again, trailing from one side of his neck to the other as his hands slide up my back gripping the neck of my tee and ripping it clean in two.
I release his hair, pulling my top away from my body as his hands find my breasts, twisting and tweaking my nipples between his finger and thumb and pulling on them violently. My hips buck forward at the spike of pleasure that rushes to my core making my clit pulse and my core throb, begging for something to fill the emptiness and clench down on.
Desperate to have Ryder inside me, I grind against him as he continues his assault on my nipples. Sliding back and giving me space to reach the waistband of his joggers, I yank on them, freeing his cock. It throbs as I take it in my hand, squeezing and pumping it hard as Ryder groans while he bites and sucks at my neck. I run my thumb over the crown of his cock, coating him in the precum there before lifting my thumb to my mouth. Ryder lifts his head, watching me as I suck my thumb into my mouth, sucking it clean before pushing it into his mouth. His eyes glisten with unadulterated desire, and I let out a growl at how fucking hot it is seeing how much he wants me.
Sliding my arse to the floor so I can remove my shorts, I’m pushed back so I’m resting on my elbows as Ryder takes over, stripping me down within seconds.
I flip over, rising to my knees, raising my arse in the air as I drop my upper body to the floor. With my pussy on full display, I hear Ryder’s whispered “Fuck!” just before his hands slide along the cheeks of my arse, pulling them open further.
“You been fucked here, Cam?” he grits out, as his thumb circles my tight hole. I moan, pushing down the memories and instead focusing on the pleasure Ryder is drawing from me.
“Yes,” I whimper, as he eases his thumb inside before pulling back and pushing all the way in. His other hand reaches for my clit, circling it as he pumps in and out of my arse. I feel my climax building, but I want to come around Ryder’s cock.
As though he can read my mind, he leans forward brushing his lips over the shell of my ear, “I’m going to take this arse, but not today. Today you’re going to cream all over my cock.” He circles my clit once more, then lines himself up at my entrance and pushes in agonisingly slow, and when he’s fully seated he lets out a groan that rumbles through his whole body, gripping my hips so tight I can feel the bones grinding together.
I drop my head to the cold floor tiles, but he grips my hair in his fist, arching my back as he pulls back and thrust forward, his hips slamming into mine. My breath is expelled from my lungs in a grunt, and then he finds the perfect rhythm that has my body screaming in ecstasy as my climax builds again.
Hand still wrapped in my hair, a sharp slap stings my arse cheek as he thrusts forward, again and again, and I explode with an earth-shattering orgasm that leaves me winded. As Ryder reaches his own release, shooting his hot cum inside and coating the walls of my cervix, my pussy contracts around him prolonging my own climax.
Collapsing in a heap on the floor, Ryder rolls to the side so as not to crush me, pulling me against his chest. “You’re so fucking perfect, Cam.” My heart smiles at his words, but my mind takes a different direction, wincing internally when I think of all the awful, disgusting things that have been done to me. If he knew, he’d never think of me as perfect.
Thirty-Two
Camryn
Ryder carries me to the bedroom, where he takes me again, but this time is different. It’s slow and sensual, not our usual hard, angry fucking. This is not fucking at all. This is making love. And in that moment I know that I’m falling in love with him, and I know deep in my heart when this ends, which it will, and he hurts me intentionally or not, it will be the end of me. My heart will shatter into tiny pieces of myself that will forever be fractured. Yes, I’ll glue them back together, but they’ll never heal. It will be like papering over the cracks.
I know he feels it too, and when we crash over the edge together, those three words hang in the air between us like pollen on a hot summer’s day. Never spoken but carried away on the wind. Ryder tucks me under his arm, and I feel the change, the moment he’s going to ask.
“Tell me about her, Cam. Tell me about your daughter.” I hear the hitch in his voice, and swallowing the lump in my own throat, I do as he asks.
“She…was the best thing I ever did, and so, so beautiful. And smart, like blow your mind smart.” I let out a little laugh. “She certainly didn’t get that from me. I like to think that was all my dad. She had this cheeky little grin, and even when she was being mischievous, which was a lot of the time, it would melt the hardest of hearts.” I let the tears fall as I picture her smiling and laughing as my mum chased her around the garden. “The day…that day was the most excruciating pain I’ve ever felt, and I’ve felt pain.” I mentally slap myself for that slip. “I lost everything that day, my baby, my heart, my soul. I was broken. I’m still broken. There is an emptiness inside, a deep, dark space that used to be filled with the very essence of her, and that will never be full again.” My voice cracks as I relive the pain of that day, then I feel a finger beneath my chin as Ryder lifts my head.
“Cam.” I see the glint of unshed tears in his eyes, and as another tear slips down my face whatever Ryder was going to say dies on his lips. He leans down kissing me on the nose. Then he squeezes me tight, and I relax back into him.
I know there’s a sea of secrets between us, some that should stay buried, but Faye is not one of them. I feel relieved that Ryder knows, and I no longer need to hide her from him.
There is one more secret that I could share with him about Faye and my mum. The question is do I trust him enough.
“Ryder, there’s something that doesn’t add up about their accident,” I say, testing the water. If Ryder and Rick know so much about Sean maybe they can help or know something themselves. If I wasn’t so close and looking for it, I would never have noticed the slight tensing in Ryder’s body at my words.
“What do you mean?” he asks tentatively.
“Well, I always believed that my mum and…that they both died at the scene, but I found something that says otherwise. Several things actually, and I don’t know what’s the truth anymore.” I shift so that I can see his face before I continue, “Those first months after are a blur, I don’t remember much, but someone sent documents to me that have me remembering things I had forgotten or blocked out.” I wait for him to react, and he does, but not the way I would have expected. He doesn’t jump up demanding to know who sent them to me or how. He remains reasonably calm, simply telling me that he’ll look into it if I share what I have with him.
After the way he reacted when I received the flowers from Sean, I was expecting a similar response. Maybe it’s because of the conversation we just had, or maybe it’s because he already knows. Whatever the reason, I don’t like it, and I vow to reconstruct that wall around my heart that he so easily managed to break down.
I go backto work on Monday, with Scott and Russ back to chauffeur duty. Russ is as happy as ever, and Scott has recovered and back to his grumpy self. Happy days. Ryder and I, well, I don’t know about us. I sleep in his bed with him every night, giving him my body, but I lock my heart in the vault. I feel him pulling away from me, as I am him.
While I’m at work I try to do a little digging into the autopsy report, and I print off the articles and report giving them to Ryder. I tell him about the nurse from the hospital too, so he can see what he can find.
