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I also can’t stop comparing what happened with Seb on Sunday to cheating in some way, and that makes me no better than my mum. After I just ridiculed my mum for her indiscretion, there was me, tongue down one guy’s throat and not two minutes later I’m pinned up against a wall and about to let Seb fuck me. The worst part is, I would have too. The man literally strips me bare, emotionally and physically, and I have no control or power to stop him.
Is what I did considered cheating? I guess that depends on who you ask. I have the feeling that Jasper thinks there’s more to our relationship than just fucking, and that makes me a cheat. Like my mother.
My only possible exoneration from being labelled a cheat is I’ve never stood in the house of God and promised myself to one man. It’s flimsy as fuck. It’s a thin line, a tightrope, and right now I’m walking it with my toes gripping that wire like a lifeline.
* * *
Arriving at the hospital,it’s exceptionally busy, and I have to use the overflow car park. I hate using this damn place. Set back from the hospital, there’s a small, wooded area with a path from there to the hospital, and it’s always dimly lit. Gives me the creeps at the best of times, but on a cold, dark winter evening it’s even more creepy.
As I make my way down the path, a chill washes over me, and I have the intense feeling of eyes on me. Scanning the trees, I see nothing out of the ordinary and no one but me. Halfway down the path the crunch of a twig has me snapping my head behind me. Seeing nothing there, I continue, quickening my pace. Another snap and the sound of feet pounding the ground has me sliding my bag to the front and slipping my right hand inside, searching for the damn pepper spray I now carry everywhere I go. I even have them dotted at different points around the house. Just as my hand slips around the spray, I’m thrown forward as something hits my left shoulder. With my right hand in my bag, I have no way to break my fall, landing hard on my right side. The force has me skidding along the gravel path, grazing my cheek.
Instantly, images of the last time I was hit from behind assault me, and while my mind takes me on an unwanted trip down memory lane, who or whatever hit me makes the best of my distraction, grabbing my bag.
Yanking on the strap, they struggle to pull it free from beneath me. With one more hard tug up, I’m flipped over to my back. I suck in a breath as pain flares up my right side, and the bag slips off my arm.
Screw this shit! I refuse to be a victim again.
I throw my hand out, trying to grasp the bag before they can get away, but I miss it. Refusing to give up so easily, I push the pain aside, snapping out a leg as my assailant tries to run for it.
I let out a scream of pain and determination as I do. My toes catch his trailing leg, and he trips and stumbles, but he manages to stay on his feet and dashes off through the trees.
This time the sound that leaves me is one of anger and frustration.
“Fuuuuuck!” Getting to my feet, I wince as another ripple of pain runs up my side. “Fuck, fuck.”
“Hey, you okay?”
I spin around at the sound, letting out a little squeak that’s actually pitiful. “Eeek! Shit!” My heart leaps up into my throat.
“Jamie? Shit, Jamie. What happened? Are you okay?”
As I focus, I realise it’s Dana, another nurse, and I relax a little.
“I just got mugged. Bastard made off with my bag.”
“Come on, let’s get you up to the hospital and check you over and call the police.”
I let out a huff and take Dana’s offered arm, letting her lead me to the hospital.
