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“Yeah, I know. Can we do this another time? I need to go.”
“Jamie!” Rick shouts, getting my attention. “Stop for second. Please.” I stop and look at him. My shoulders drop, along with my head as I try to catch my breath. “Forget about last night, and the bed. Tell me exactly what is going on. Slowly this time.”
I walk towards the desk, taking a seat, and then I tell him about my conversation with Dana and my boss. When I’m done, he doesn’t say anything for several minutes.
“Okay. Let’s get you home and then to the hospital. We can’t do anything more until we know what exactly is going on.” I give him a nod as I literally can’t speak right now. Rick leads me from the room, and once I’ve collected my stuff, he drives me home.
I’m not normally so easily flustered but there’s a feeling in the pit of my stomach that tells me I’m not going to like whatever this is. Rick waits downstairs while I get cleaned up, and then he drives me to the hospital despite my protests.
When we arrive, he tells me he’ll wait for me, but I tell him that I’ll be fine. He doesn’t seem happy, but after several minutes of arguing, I convince him to leave with a promise to call him later.
I wait till Rick is out of sight before turning towards the front entrance of the hospital. That feeling in my gut has grown exponentially and is now a writhing mass of worry. Taking another deep breath, I step through the doors.
When I arrive at Alison’s office, I can see someone else in there with her, but I don’t know who they are. I knock the door, opening it when she calls out to come in.
“Ah, Jamie, you’re here. Please come in, take a seat.” She gestures to the empty chair, and as I move forward, she turns to the man occupying the other seat. “This is Roger Ashdown, he’s the senior manager of the Emergency Department.” Roger rises from his seat, stretching out a hand for me to shake before we take our seats.
“I’m sorry, Alison, but what exactly is this about?” Alison and Roger exchange a look, then Alison shuffles in her chair, clearly uncomfortable with whatever she is about to say. Resting her clasped hands on the desk in front of her, she finally faces me.
“First, let me ask you, is there is anything you’d like to tell me or perhaps talk about?”
I frown. “No, nothing.” I look between her and Roger. “Please, just tell me what’s happened.”
“It would be to your benefit if you were to be honest.” She looks at me as if expecting me to suddenly confess to murder or something else equally ridiculous. When I don’t offer an answer she continues, “Very well. It has come to my attention that you may have been intoxicated whilst working. And as this is a serious allegation, we were within our rights to conduct a search of your locker.”
“Hold on a second. Are you suggesting I’ve been— What exactly?” I’m so stunned, despite this being what I feared since she called me.
“We’ve been led to believe that you have been under the influence of drugs and alcohol whilst at work.”
Her words hit me like a wrecking ball. “You’ve got to be kidding,” I baulk in disbelief. I knew this was coming, but it doesn’t lessen my surprise. Especially, the fact that Alison could believe I would do something like that.
“I’m afraid that I am not kidding, Jamie. I wish that were true, but unfortunately it is not. As I said, we conducted a search of your locker whereupon we discovered several empty bottles of alcohol and a small bag containing what we believe to be cocaine. As a result, we have no option but to suspend you with immediate effect until such time as our investigation has been concluded. You will be paid in full during the suspension period, but you are required to refrain from entering the hospital for any other reason than to seek medical attention.”
Alison continues talking, but I don’t hear another word of what she’s saying. This can’t be happening. Why the fuck is this happening? The shock is slowly replaced by outrage.
“This is bullshit!” I blurt out, leaping from my seat. “Alison, you can’t possibly believe any of this is true. I don’t understand. Whatever you found in my locker is not mine.” My brain scrambles for an explanation. And then I remember my locker got broken into, the mugging and my bag being stolen. “My locker was broken into and my bag was stolen with my new locker key. There has to be another explanation, Alison.” I look to her then to Roger. Neither of them say a word.
“I understand you may be upset, Jamie, but the evidence speaks for itself. You will—”
“No. I don’t think you do understand. I don’t do drugs, and I’d never jeopardise my job or a patient’s health by coming to work drunk. This is wrong.” I begin pacing the small office.
There’s a knock on the door, and when it opens, there are two security guards standing in the hall. I turn to Alison, who is now standing behind her desk with a look of pity on her face. Pity. Fuck that.
“I’ll need your hospital ID please. Security will take you to collect any belongings that have been cleared for you and then escort you from the premises. We will be in touch following the conclusion of the investigation. I’m very sorry, Jamie.”
I yank my lanyard over my head, slapping it into Alison’s open palm before storming from the room.
I feel completely defeated. My job was the only good thing in my fucked-up life right now. The only thing keeping me from falling down the rabbit hole. Without it, and the possibility of a stain on my career, it’s enough to push me over the last line of sanity.
I allow the guards to escort me to the locker room, where I find my belongings already in a box. I pick the box up and follow them through the hospital and out the front doors. It’s like the worst walk of shame in the history of walk of shames.
As I stand on the pavement with the tatters of my career in a box, the heavens open and rain falls in sheets that mirror my tears as they track down my cheeks.
