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Twenty-One
Jamie
When Seb walks away, I let out the breath I’ve been holding in. The one it feels like I’ve been holding since he took all the oxygen in the room, in my lungs, with a kiss that has left my head spinning. I have no idea what to make of him telling me I can’t hide forever. He doesn’t understand what he’s asking of me. To step out from behind the emotional wall I’ve built since college and let someone in again.
The first, and last man, I ever let into my heart burrowed inside so deep, that when his betrayal was revealed, he ripped my heart apart from the inside out. He left a heart so torn, I didn’t think there would ever be enough tape or a person capable of sticking it back together again.
After catching my boyfriend of two years and my best friend fucking in a corner at a college party, I thought that was as bad as it could get. How wrong I was. What followed left me questioning everything, not just my relationship with Josh, but everything I believed about love and friendship.
That Jamie, the hopeless romantic who believed she’d find her Prince Charming and spend the rest of her life in a happy little bubble, died that night with her first love and best friend since primary school.
Only they were truly dead, and I was reborn. This Jamie was a darker, jaded version that no longer believed in the happy ever after she grew up wishing for.
No, now she believed that love was a big stinking pile of horse shit and having lots of meaningless sex was a much better way to live. To give her body but never her heart, never the whole of herself. Nobody told her it would be a lonely and empty existence. Lots of fun, sure, but that’s it.
Nobody warned me that one day I’d meet a guy who could change all that if only I’d let him. Seb is forcing me to feel again. Forcing my heart to beat to a different rhythm. One I’m not ready for. And now, I’m in an eddy, spinning recklessly, swimming to stay above water and not get swept away by the tide.
My head and heart are fighting a battle I’m not sure either one will win, but it’s one that will leave me breathless and washed ashore like driftwood.
I’m brought out of my thoughts by a loud bang outside, and a car speeds by backfiring again. I slam the door closed on my thoughts and emotions, locking them up tight.
* * *
I messagedJasper and told him I’d meet him there. There’s something about him that has me on guard. Something that I never noticed before, but now warns me to keep him at a safe distance.
When I arrive, he’s waiting for me outside and it’s uncanny. I’ve been here before, exactly like this, only this time there’s a creepy sense of dread building in my gut. My stomach flip flops, and I lay a hand on it, applying a little pressure as I try to push the feelings away, mentally and physically.
“Hey,” Jasper greets me, immediately leaning in to kiss my cheek, and my skin tingles. When he pulls away, his eyes rake over me, becoming glassy as he takes me in. The tingle turns to an itch that has me wanting to tear a layer of skin off, and a shiver skitters down my spine.
I step away, hoping a bit of distance will ease the uncomfortable feeling writhing inside me.
“Hi. Shall we get inside it’s chilly out tonight.” The words sound out of character, even to my own ears, and I’m not surprised Jasper picks up on it.
“You okay? You seem a little out of sorts,” he asks as I begin walking towards the front entrance of Rosco’s.
“Yeah, I’m good, just a busy day, that’s all.” I offer him a small smile that he accepts without further question. As we close the distance to the door, I feel eyes on me. There’s no queue tonight, but it’s early, and I look around searching out the reason for the strange feeling. My eyes find hazel ones, and I relax a little at seeing Alex here.
“Hey, beautiful. I was not expecting to see you back so soon.” Alex winks, and wraps me in a hug. I feel the exact moment he locks eyes on Jasper. His body tenses against mine, and he seems to squeeze a little tighter, not wanting to let me go.
“You know me, Alex, always ready to party,” I say, trying to inject a little pep in my words, but I see I failed as Alex’s smile falters slightly. “Thank you again for last night. And I’m sorry too.”
“Oh, please. You know I’ll always look out for you, that’s what friends are for, right?” His fingers reach out and touch my cheek as a cough sounds behind me. Alex keeps his eyes on mine for a beat longer before raising his head and looking past me. “Evening, Detective.” Once again, Alex’s words hold a bite of loathing, and I’m still confused as to where his dislike for Jasper comes from.
“Alex. Sounds as though you’re a good friend, you know, the one that’s always there at the right place, right time.” I’m confused by the berating tone in Jasper’s words, almost like he’s bitter about something. These two confuse the hell out of me.
“That’s me. We’ve known each other a long time, and Jamie knows I’d do anything for her.” His eyes flick to mine with another trademark wink that’s so Alex.
“Of course. It’s always good to have a friend like that in your corner.” Jasper places his hand on my back, and I almost flinch at his touch, but manage to hold it back. “Come on, let’s get that drink. Good to see you again, Alex. Take care now.” Jasper edges me forward, and I keep my eyes on Alex as we pass through the door.
Jasper’s last words to Alex run through my mind as we walk to the bar. I can’t help the feeling there was some hidden threat there, and it’s just another thing my brain is scrambling to figure out.
When Jasper asks me what I want to drink, I’m surprised to find myself asking for a coke. With the feeling that something is off tonight, I decide I’m going to need a clear head.
We’ve been herefor just over an hour, and once we sat down the conversation between us flowed. I’m taken aback when Jasper revealed that he was married, but his wife died, and only a year ago too. He tells me that I remind him of her, and I’m not sure how I feel about that. Actually, I do. I feel a little creeped out by the whole thing and offer to go get more drinks to get a little space for a few minutes.
I’m about a foot away from the bar, when suddenly the music stops, and the lights go out. For a split second, everything is still and silent, and then I’m jostled from behind as people begin to panic. I lose my balance and get swept up as a tide of people try and surge for the exits as the emergency lighting switches on.
My ankle gives out from under me as my heel snaps off in the melee, and pain flares as I try to stay on my feet. Adrenaline shoots through me, and my heart thumps against my chest as I stumble along with the crowd. Up ahead, I can see the exit sign, and I try to level my breathing as the green light from the sign gets closer.
