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Twenty-Four
Jamie
I follow Seb up the stairs in a daze. Numb. My mind is fit to burst with the mind dump that just went down, and my heart? That’s got a giant fucking hole where my friend used to be.
Alex has been there for me through some of my worst times, and now he’s gone. The fact he died protecting me makes it so much worse. I play the what if game, but at the end of the day it’s pointless. I know, realistically, there isn’t anything I could have done.
“Jamie?”
“Huh. Sorry, what were you saying?” Seb comes to stand in front of me, and I’m suddenly aware of where we are. He looks so beautiful right now, and I reach out a hand, running it up his broad chest.
His hand on my wrist stops me. “Hey. I said, I’m going to have a shower do you want to use the bathroom first?”
I ignore the fact he stopped my roaming hand. “Well, I’ve had a shower, but I’d be happy to get wet again if you’re joining me.” I step into him, raising my head and running my mouth over his chin. His stubble bristles against the delicate skin of my lips, sending a spark of desire through me. I feel him tense at my touch and know what’s coming before he even says it.
“Jamie, I didn’t bring you up here to fuck you.”
I snatch my hand back, stepping away from him. “Your loss.” I spin away from him to hide the hurt his rejection has caused. Rejected twice in one night, I must be losing my touch. There’s a small, rational part, of me that is applauding him for it, but the bigger part is pissed he’s not allowing me my go to method of dealing with my emotions.
He grabs my arm before I can walk away. “I can fuck you if you want, Jamie. Will it make you feel better? You bet your arse it will.” I scoff at that, but he continues, “Will it stop the pain you’re feeling? Temporarily, yes. But it will still be there after the euphoria subsides, and you’ll still have to face the fact you lost someone. I don’t want to be the crutch you turn to when you need to forget. I wa—”
“I don’t want to feel. Don’t you understand that?” I try to pull away as I feel tears begin to form, but Seb holds fast to my arm. “Please. Just make it stop for a little while.” I’m begging. Fucking begging. I’ve used sex as a crutch to keep my feelings at bay for so long I don’t think I know how to deal when the one person that’s elicited any feelings in me for years is saying no. Calling me out and forcing me to face the truth.
He watches me, eyes intense, burning with the gold flecks that are always there when he’s— around me, funnily enough. I see his indecision. See him fighting what he really wants with what he thinks is best for me. What he doesn’t seem to understand, and what I don’t want to admit, is that he is what’s best for me.
He may bring out everything I never want to feel, or want, but I’m starting to think that’s his purpose. He makes me question myself. Makes me want what I never wanted.
His nostrils flare as he exhales a deep breath. He lets go of my arm, instead bringing both hands up to cup my face. Pulling me forward, he lowers his head, and kisses me. Another of those kisses full of emotion, soft and gentle, but I feel it to the very tips of my toes. He breaks the kiss and whispers against my lips, “I will give you this, but we do it my way.”
I have no idea what that means, but I’m willing to take anything he can give me. “Okay.” The word comes out almost silently, breath catching in my throat as Seb runs his thumb over my bottom lip before he leans in with another searing kiss.
“Strip and get on the bed. I’ll be back in a minute.” His voice is tight, and the rich, deep timbre rumbles through his chest making my core throb with need. He steps away, and I instantly mourn the loss of him as I watch him stride to the bathroom. He pushes the door half closed before I hear the shower running.
I have the urge to watch him strip down, to see the water running off him, but his last words to me echo in my mind, and the promise of what’s to come has me stripping out of my clothes.
I’ve just climbed on to the bed, when I hear the shower turn off, and I look up in time to see Seb stroll out of the bathroom in all his naked glory. He’s looking at the floor as he rubs a towel over his head, water glistening on his bronzed skin. The tatts on his muscular arms flex with every movement, and my mouth waters as my eyes travel down to his very erect cock standing proud as he comes to a stop.
I know he’s watching me too because his cock twitches as I feel his eyes roam over my naked body, laid out, ready and more than willing.
He stands watching me before dropping the towel to the floor, and as he continues to look my body up and down, I begin to feel self-conscious. I’m not used to having a man watch me so intensely, taking me in so completely. Hooking up with strangers never allowed for any form of intimacy, just the way I like it, but this? This is something new, something out of my comfort zone.
“Fuck! You’re beautiful.” He steps toward the bed, snatching my ankles and pulling me so my feet hang over the edge. He runs his hands up my thighs, pushing my legs wider, then trailing his fingertips down the inside of each leg. When he reaches my knees, he lifts my legs, placing my feet on the edge of the bed, knees bent. “Put your feet together and drop your knees,” he commands, and I do it without a moment’s hesitation.
He sucks in a hissed breath as I show myself to him, and I watch as his eyes grow darker. The gold flecks spark as he runs a finger through my wet folds, and my hips buck at his touch. He does it again with his thumb this time, stopping when he reaches my clit. My body hums, holding its breath as I wait for him to circle it, rub it, anything to give even the tiniest relief from the pressure he’s building in me.
Seb gives the smallest little flick of his thumb before pulling away, and I can’t help the moan that leaves me. I watch as a knowing smile kicks up one side of Seb’s lips.
I reach a hand down, ready to get myself off, but Seb shoves my hand away.
“I don’t think so, Firefly. This is mine. Your pleasure is mine to give.” He drops down over the top of me, eyes locked with mine as he says, “You are mine.” I don’t get a second to think about those words as he pushes a finger inside me and steals my lips at the same time. I arch my back, breaking the kiss, and Seb moves his attention to my nipples. Sucking one in, he flicks his tongue over the tip, biting down before releasing it and repeating the action with my other nipple. I grip his hair, holding him there until I can’t take anymore. I rip his mouth away, pulling his head up.
“Stop teasing and fuck me.” I need him to fuck me because this feels far too much like making love, and I don’t make love. I fuck. Then I leave. But I don’t think it will be so easy this time. I’ve been fooling myself. There’s never been a time when it’s been easy to walk away from him.
I open my legs, wrapping them around him and digging my heels in his arse. Seb loses his balance, putting his knee on the bed to steady himself, and I take advantage. I push up and roll us so I’m on top. I don’t miss the surprised look on his face. Not wanting to give him the chance to gain the upper hand again, I reach between us and line him up with my entrance then slide down his shaft, relishing the feel of his warm flesh and the cold of his piercing as I take him in down to the base.
A groan slips from between Seb’s gritted teeth. I lean down, catching his bottom lip and biting down as I begin to ride him. My pace picks up, and I push up, digging my nails into his chest as he begins thrusting up and meeting each of mine.
My orgasm builds quickly, taking me by surprise as it rushes over me, shattering into an explosion of electricity that skates across my skin and forcing a cry from my lips as I throw my head back.
